Boy, you have to the most hard headed man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. When I found you in Vegas flat broke and strung out on booze I knew you had potential to be a great man and as always I was right.
You're a good man, you just don't want to believe that.
I know you've had bad things happen to you. I know the things you had to do as a kid back in Ireland when your parents died, I know how hard it was being an orphan. When you finally made it to America I know you did bad things to make money, you made bad choices but that doesn't make you a bad man.
Life dealt you bad cards, and anyone who knows anything knows that you were served an unfair sentence. A young man being tried for the first time shouldn't have gotten five years.
Your biggest mistake was letting that sentence change you, it hardened you into a man that you really weren't. You're a kind and fair man, you let one sentence change that because it hurt too much to just be you. Anybody else would have done the same thing but one thing didn't change with you, your love for your wife.
Son, people go their entire lives looking for the kind of love you have for that woman.
Snakes wife was murdered, my dear wife killed herself and our chances with them, our lives with them were taken away. The only thing that is keeping you from your wife is your stubbornness to admit you still love her.
You admit it to yourself, maybe. You've admitted it to the men but not once have you ever told her.
She has no idea how you feel about her, all she know is that when she comes around to talk you shut her out. You refuse to let her go by signing the divorce papers but you also refuse to let her in by telling her that you still love her. I know it's scary, scarier than any kind of bar fight or shoot out to look someone in the eye and tell them that you unconditionally love them. Despite all that has happened, you still want them above everyone else. I know it's scary.
I also know if you never tell her you will definitely lose her.
You think that if you tell her she'll reject you and that is a justified risk but you don't really have her in the position you're in now. Not really.
Eventually she's going to find a way around the divorce, she's going to find a way to divorce you without your consent and the entire time she's doing it you'll be doing the same thing you are now. Holding back out of fear and you will lose her. It's not her fault, she can't possibly know how you feel if you don't tell her.
I know things haven't been easy between you two. You being sent away and then losing your baby, I know that only made it easier for that scumbag lawyer to sweep in and make his move but you two also have history.
You found each other against odds, you married her after only eight months of dating and you were happy together. If you remember that, so does she.
I know you're hurting, but I bet if you dig deep enough so is she.
You were sent to jail and she was alone, expecting her first child a few days later she lost it and that is a lot for a woman to carry alone, Reno. Don't be bitter because she took comfort somewhere else, she's human and she was lonely.
If you're willing to let your fear of rejection keep you from the woman you love than so be it, but let the poor girl go. She doesn't deserve the yo-yo act you have her caught up in. Maybe, she loved you too. Maybe, she just needs to know that you still want her.
Take it from a man who lost his wife at a young age, the biggest thing you will regret when you are old and sick like I am now. The biggest thing you'll regret when you lay dying is all the times you could have held her and didn't, all the times you should have said those three words but didn't.
I can't promise you she will feel the same way but I can promise you that if you don't try you will regret it for the rest of your life and that's an awful long time.
I can't tell you what to do but I'll be damned if I leave this world without telling you what I think. I think you should try and take back your wife, if that's what you want. If you want her, earn her back.
You're a good man, a brave man and you're not the same person you were the day I found you and gave you a home in this MC. You have grown and matured, greatly. You know how to live with the demons of killing people but you have let your own mistakes haunt you and you've tried to outrun them but you can't, you have to face them.
Own up to your mistake, own up to how you feel and make a choice, Reno. Not letting go and not holding on are just stalling and it's wasted too many of your years. Pick a side and stand by that and don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve to be happy.
Do not let anyone make your choices for you and don't let your past hold you back.
I have complete faith in you, you can have a life. It's okay for you to have a life, it's okay to move on and it's okay to still love your wife. You can do this, Reno.
I may be dead by the time you read this but I've known you a very long time and I promise I will be watching you from wherever I am. I'll be there and I'll be rooting for you, every step of the way.