Monday 27th April 2015, 22:14

I'm listening to an hour compilation of Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding as I type this because I was listening to some other random song and then because Youtube was on auto play, it just happened and I can't be bothered to change it. I just don't feel like it. I don't really feel like doing anything. I would say that I'm gonna try and write in this everyday but will that actually happen? No way. I mean, it could but the likelihood of that is equal to a zombie apocalypse happening.

My GCSE exams start in 2 weeks exactly which is great because I feel completely unprepared. Everyone at school is stressing out and I think I get asked how many hours I study a day about 20 times in a day. That doesn't help with my stress levels. Consequently, I get more stressed which makes me want to study more but I can't because it just seems like so much. It's like, all I want to do is lay down on my bed or my bedroom floor, stare at the ceiling and contemplate life. But I can't do that because, as I just said, my GCSEs start in 2 weeks. Plus my family would think I'm a freak.

Being 16 years old, I don't have many things I can do legally apart from have sex and enter the lottery – I don't want to do either of those things. So, I have to make do with watching TV shows endlessly and writing. I'm not complaining though, I do love doing both of those things.

In fact, last Friday, when I was sitting watching Castle (I own the first 6 seasons on DVD), I found out that a main character on Grey's Anatomy (I own the first 9 seasons on DVD) was killed off. Grey's is currently on season 11 and as I live in England, America is always a few episodes ahead of us so I usually try and avoid spoilers until I can watch it. But I needed to find out who died. So I watched the 3 episodes before the one where a character died online and then watched the one where they died. Let me tell you, I was not prepared. If you haven't watched the season 11 episode "How To Save A Life" and are planning to, then I recommend you stop reading.

I just could not believe that Shonda Rhimes killed Derek off, I mean, he's McDreamy, he's Meredith's husband and he has children! I don't particularly like Derek, I think he's an arse hole but still, what about his family? I'm not ashamed to say that I almost cried because Meredith is now alone. First her dad left, then her mum died, then Lexie died, Cristina moved to Switzerland and now Derek's dead. It isn't fair.

Anyway, enough about that. I'm currently eating a fishcake. I also have potato wedges and salad with it. My mother's attempt to get us to eat healthily. It won't work though because Lana has this wonderful habit of cookies. Yes, I realise that cookies can't really be a habit. But I'm stressed so for now, it is a habit.

I honestly have no idea where the name of this pillowbook came from. I quite like it though. I texted Lana to tell her that I was thinking of starting this and she seemed to like the name. She started her art exam today. Altogether it's 10 hours long so she had 5 hours today and she has another 5 hours together. After school, I went with Secret to find Lana, CL and SP and I looked t her work. It was great. I also looked at CL's and was very impressed.

As a result of the art exam, Lana had to go to school early today. And being the nice friend I am, I said I was gonna go with her. We're going to leave early again tomorrow even though it isn't necessary.

The past couple of months have been pretty uneventful to be honest so I don't really have anything to report, Ooh, apart from this one thing where SP's mum bought us a freshly ordered pizza from a pizza shop and we ate it at lunchtime. How rebellious of us. Then she also bought a chocolate cake which we shared.

Today in school I was really bored because Lana wasn't there to entertain me. Secret and I were in Spaish and PSE together then I had English, Geography and Maths. How disgusting. But for once I actually knew what was happening.

I think I'm going to stop writing this now because I want to go to sleep. It am fully aware that it is only 10:30 but the only other thing to do without feeling like a failure is revise and why would I want to do that?

- Astrid