"No! The angle is the same here 'cause these two lines are parallel to each other." I pointed out, the anger rising in my voice. It was getting irritating how my brother was making the same mistake in measuring the angles between lines. Geometry wasn't supposed to be hard at all. Simple memorization and application. It was just connecting the pieces the question provided.
"How the hell would I know? My teacher didn't do a good job teaching me this." My brother retorted.
"Well, you could have asked him to help you with the questions." I replied in frustration. "And by the way, you spelt obtuse wrong."
My brother then slammed his fist on the desk, a vein appearing on his temple. The situation was getting worse, and this was because I had told my parents that I would help my brother. Why couldn't he see that I was trying to teach him? He would be saving my time and everyone's worry if he could just get better grades.
"Shut up! It's not my fault that I don't understand this!" My brother yelled.
"No it is! It's your fault for always playing games all the time and not even trying to look for your own answers. It's your own fault you couldn't even look up the word "exercise" on Google before asking me."
"Well you're doing a bad job at teaching me too."
I felt something in my mind snap. The bluntness of his statement pierced into my consciousness and before I could think anything reasonable, I roared:
"Well you're wasting my damn time too. If you can't solve this by your own, then you can't do anything. If you don't want me to help, fine! I'll go away. But just remember that it's not my freakin' fault that you're stupid and lazy!"
I felt my feet moving on their own as I turned and stormed out of the living room, up the stairs, and into my bedroom. I didn't even bother to gently close the door, the sound of wood screaming behind me. I threw myself onto the bed in anger, glowering deeply. What the heck just happened? And why did I get so damn angry? Questions were now forming into my head, trying to rationalize the incident that had just transpired.
However everything felt so damn hot. The comforter was hot. The air was hot. My body was hot. It was too hot to think anything clearly. So I laid there in the dark, waiting for my heaving breaths to return to normal.
As my breathing slowed and the environment cooled, I was able to gather my thoughts again. I thought about why I had said those hurtful things out loud. Wasn't it because I had good intentions of wanting to help my brother? Wasn't it because I was smart? Wasn't it because my dream was to become a respectable teacher who helped his students improve as a person?
I felt a cold, sinking feeling forming in the crevices of my heart. It was embarrassing that someone as soft-spoken and idealistic as myself could get so easily angered and frustrated over something as simple as homework. My brother didn't deserve to hear that. My jovial, sensitive brother didn't deserve to hear such hurtful things from someone he could look up to.
He didn't deserve to be called stupid or lazy.
I hope he's not crying…
I ran my hand through my bangs, letting out a huge sigh. I wished I could erase that period of time, so that neither us would remember that ugly moment. But I can't.
All that moment did was reveal the ugly, stupid me.