This story is designed to entertain and challenge the christian perspectives of the first world. It was inspired by my younger sister, promesse2017.
Patty sat in her mother's car staring out the window. She was happy with her reflection, but she didn't seem to thrilled about anything else. She just couldn't rest knowing that the sinners of the world weren't groveling in their iniquities. You see, Patty was the way and the truth. And she wasn't just any truth, she was God's truth... God's glorious fucking truth.
'Filthy.' She thought. 'All the people of this world...They're all filthy and they need to know it.'
Patty was one hundred percent serious about the thought she just had. And you know what? She was right. She was right because our imperfections are what makes us human. Regardless of what you might believe, one could say that everyone, by nature, is more or less "filthy" (excluding Patty, of course.) Far as she was concerned, the bible said it so that settled it. The filth of the world was basically set in stone.
Was Patty really being extreme? Ha, of course not! Patty's mentality was "obviously" acceptable but for whatever reason, it made her mother feel concerned.
"Y-You excited for an a-awesome year, honey?" She said as Patty rolled her eyes in distaste.
"Only God is awesome." Patty snapped.
'Oh, where did I go wrong?' Her mother thought. She was depressingly flashing back to her party days as a pregnant woman and then to the day she married her cousin. It couldn't have been her fault, right? It's not like parents influence their kids or anything...
'I can't accept blame for this, I absolutely should not! It's not my fault and that's that.' She had finally decided.
She then began thinking a cluster of confusing thoughts that were fixed on something that involved blaming her issues on vaccines or repeating the same pointless questions to herself. Unfortunately, they were questions that she would never really have answers for, so you could only imagine how frustrated she must have been. Though it had never really concerned her until now, she began crying at the low odds of her being able to reach her beloved Patty. It was a wonder she hadn't already lost the will to try.
"P-Patty... I love you so much and I need you to know that I want nothing but the best for you." She said pulling up in-front of the school.
'Ha! Slanderous heathen!' Patty thought. There was no way she would fall for the tricks of her Jezebel mom. 'Anyone who thinks something else is more awesome than God couldn't possibly be a decent person!'
Now, at this time, you might be thinking that Patty is misrepresenting an entire denomination and you will be very disappointed to discover that you are wrong. This is because Patty has faith. It was Patty's number one wild card and through the power of her faith, every opinion in her head was absolute and indisputable. This "fact" made Patty the only correct belief system in existence. Which leads us back to Patty glaring at the world outside her mothers car.
The people she saw through her window had to be a way of God reminding her how imperfect everyone was compared to her. Yes, the worlds imperfections made her sick to her stomach. In fact, just about everything was filthy to her. Patty saw the black and white world along with all it's gray spots... And it was beyond disgusting. It would always be until the day she could make it all turn white.
"Oh, Patty..." Her mother said sobbing in the drivers seat.
The woman quickly dabbed her tears so that she could focus on driving. Like most children, Patty understood clearly that her mom was an imperfect human. The problem was that this didn't make Patty feel any sympathy. Instead, it actually made her feel disgusted by, not only her own mother, but humanity as a whole.
At the moment, Patty found herself staring into her mother's teary eyes in revulsion as the car stopped. She just knew better than to take pitty on "sinners."
'That asexual whore is not going to get the better of me!' Patty thought. 'Seriously, just who does this silly sodomite think she's dealing with?' Already, anyone could see that Patty was so much better than a typical saint. Wasn't it obvious?
Patty couldn't have been the only person who believed that she was a model follower, right? Ever since Patty was a child, she was convinced that she was God's true daughter and divine messenger... But now, she was ready to act on it.
'Yes, this is my calling! This is what I was meant to do... For Jesus.'
All within a fifteen minute car ride, Patty had decided that she was glorious! And, as we all know, the best thing to do with glory involved crucifying sinners. Of course any good believer knows that this has to be done MENTALLY, of course, because physical abuse is just barbaric! (These are civil times, you know.)
Was any of this biblical? Could any of this be potentially wrong? Ha, of course not! Because, remember, Patty's faith defies all logic which therefore makes Patty correct and anyone else a sinfully blasphemous trollop.
'God's timing is perfect, but where is the divine judgment to make way for the glorious messenger?' Patty thought aloud. Her clever mind was already formulating educated guesses, but one answer stood above them all
'The only explanation I like is the truth...' Patty thought with a deceptive smirk of distaste. 'And the truth is me... Yes, all along it was me! I am God's divine daughter AND God's glorious wrath. ' That was when a deceptively pleasant smirk appeared across her face as her mothers car came to a stop.
"Here's your lunch, sweetie." Her mother said interrupting Patty's thoughts.
'How dare that sinful mono-sexual brothel whore interrupt my thoughts! I call blasphemy Lord Jesus, blasphemy upon her life! Lord save this wretch... And then cast her to hell.' Patty thought quickly snatching up her sinfully delicious meal (which, of course, made it terrible.)
"Goodbye, sinner." Patty muttered under her breath before stepping out of the car.
Her mothers eyes began to water as her child became more distant. "Oh Patty... I just want you to know that I love yo-"
"Shut up, Mom, I'm roasting sinners." Patty said snobbishly standing in front of the high school.
At long last, Patty was here and did not hesitate to boom through the double doors and strut her way down the halls. She needed to show her authority to a group of people, but she couldn't do that without a victim.
'Target sighted' Patty thought looking a little further down the hallway. She was eyeing a hunched (and awkward) looking boy with a rainbow button on his shirt. The mere sight of him had her thinking; 'Target acquired.' And in response to her thoughts, she began moving in quickly towards him.
"woah, oooh nooo..." the boy moaned in a strange panic.
"Prepare ye the way, queer!" She hissed.
"I'm s-sorry! these books are soo woah heavy!" he replied as Patty struck a random pose.
"I said, MOVE sausage! Get out of the way." Patty hissed kicking his shin as a few shady looking girls shot her smiles of approval.
"waaaah~" He cried running off as the random mean girls approached Patty.
"I think you have talent..." Said a sassy brown girl with an Afro. "You can walk with us if you like... Were on our way to see the alpha."
'Who does this lower life form think she is talking to?' Patty thought. Did she not know that Patty was the only real Alpha on earth? It was outrageous! Patty absolutely had to take this time to strike yet another pose.
"You're all beneath me." Patty snapped as the mean girls began looking at each other and wagging their fingers furiously.
"Oh no she didn't! Oh, I just KNOW she didn't! Oh Oh No! Good lord, I done know! Whooo, I just KNOW she didn't just-"
DING DING DING
"Goodbye sinners." Patty said flipping her hair whilst "working it" down the hall.
That was the bell. Which meant that Patty had no time to waste. She only had time to ponder that her purpose had finally become clear. In fact, it was all becoming clear. Patty had a gift. She truly understood the world of high school and nothing was going stand in her way.