What's the point of living? What's the point of any of this?
We grow up to follow the same patterns as those before us. Kids can be moulded so we shove knowledge down their throats until they're teenagers who want nothing more than to throw it all back up and become oblivious to all the numbers and words and horror of education. We blame teenagers for all our problems because they're the easy targets, already stewing in self hatred and repulsion for a world and society that they reject and despise. It's no wonder so many teenagers are making themselves sick when all they've got to eat if what media and society tells them they should know and love and be.
Be skinny, be pretty, be smart but not too smart, little girl, because boys don't like when you're smarter than them.
Be big, be clever, be strong but not too strong, little boy, because then you'll set yourself on a criminal's path.
It's really no wonder why so many teenagers are anxious. We learn that tests only test what you remember but the depression eats away at what you've learned so how in the hell am I supposed to write all these essays and answer these questions because all that's in my head is you will fail.
Teenagers move through high school where it all begins; the tests, the illness, the mental struggle of being – to college where another four years of work is pushed into two.
Memorise all these theories for every single one of these topics. There's ten sub-topics at least for each topic and usually at least two theories per sub-topic. Memorise and entire book of poetry, all the context behind the author and each poem, then pick two to pair with one you've never seen before. Memorise these six films, but you need to memorise more for context points, and memorise these six theories for one film, memorise the history of a country for these three, memorise another six theories for these two films then make essays on them from what you remember of the film and how it relates to whatever bullshit we made up. Memorise every formula we've learnt over the last year and figure out which five you need for this question. Oh, and you all only have about an hour and a half to do each test. Good luck.
The panic sets in so early that failure is inevitable. We know we're good, we've seen the grades in class whether they're A's or C's, and some lessons are easier than others, but then a test is slapped in front of you, a clock ominously counting away your time, people circulating to make sure you're not cheating, that you're silent, that you're using a black ballpoint pen. It's not natural, to sit at a single desk, to not be allowed to look at someone else, to be silent, to listen to the tapping of pens, the breathing of people around you, to be startled by a cough or a sneeze or sigh, to be pressured into a time limit of what you remember compared to tests on what you really know.
We're supposed to be the dominant species on Earth but we're the stupidest.
We make our young ill and poison them for the future. We tell them "be whatever you want, sweetie" when they're little but the moment they understand that you can't be a butterfly or fairy or superhero or happy, we rip it all away and show them dreams don't happen to people like us.
People like us are destined to be stuck behind a desk for our entire lives, from infancy where we coloured to adolescence where we panicked to adulthood where we wilt.
Adulthood isn't glamorous because we haven't let it be so.
We make ourselves do jobs for money so we can buy a house, so we can buy nice things, so we can be comfortable.
We live in a society of settlers. We settle for jobs we hate, friends who are boringly toxic, routines we grow tired of.
We live in a society of followers. We follow society's ideas of where we go in live; get a job, get married, have kids.
We live in a society of hiders. We hide behind religion, using parts of a Holy book, no matter where in the world it is, to hate and target other people because we hate ourselves so fucking much. We hide behind money to buy us out of our crimes, buy us out of the holes we've dug ourselves into.
We live in a world of cowards. We built a society on the manipulation of the weak, on the power of the strong but stupid. No government has ever been praised. No law has ever been fool proof. This because they're all lies placed so far in the past that, well, now they surely must be true. Countries have been built on genocide, built on war, built on extinction.
We poison our children by taking away their hope. No other species on this Earth does that. Every other species on Earth thrives through the survival of their young yet we destroy all the goodness within them with this societal hierarchy where they're bound to never amount to anything unless privileged already.
We drive our teenagers to illness, to suicide, to crime because we don't know how to control the pain and horrors left when the goodness was stripped of them as children.
We live as nothing as adults because we've not even been allowed our bitterness and hatred after our twentieth birthday. We have to be responsible and we're drained of life after that until we die.
Yet we try to extend our lives, lives we hate.
I have only one explanation for that.
We are not a species, but a plague upon this Earth.
We evolved into intelligent, sentient beings of emotions and brilliance.
And then we began tearing up what was around us, making it habitable for us rather than adapting to what was around us.
We evolved into monsters; hunters and destroyers of other animals and their lands.
We polluted the air with our smoke and disease.
We littered space with our metal junk to entertain ourselves.
We are a plague upon this Earth, the Earth that has given us life.
We crave the destruction of happiness.
We breed in the ruins of dreams.
We desire the pollution of goodness.
We fester in the cracked wounds of the Earth.
Humanity is a plague that cannot be eradicated because the only cure for humanity if extinction, but there is no one alive that can destroy us. And that is why we will end up destroying ourselves.