My friend Maloney told me that he and his wife recently went to see his mother-in-law at the nursing home where she now lives.

She was asleep when he got there, so he sat in the chair next to her bed, picked up the AARP Bulletin that had apparently put her to sleep, and started helping himself to a bowl of peanuts she had close by.

"Don't eat those," his wife told him.

"Why not?" he wanted to know.

"Because they're not yours," she answered.

"If I'm paying for them," he said, talking about the peanuts but meaning the nursing home, "then they must be mine."

"My logic was irrefutable," he told me later, although I'm pretty sure he doesn't know the meaning of the word "irrefutable." He must have heard it from Donald Trump.

Unfortunately, his mother-in-law woke up just as Maloney had finished the entire bowl.

"Hi," he greeted her. "I'm sorry, but it looks like I've eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's okay," she answered. "I really don't like them after I've sucked all the chocolate off."