"That one looks nice," Ronald says. We're standing in one of the stores in the mall. All these toys are lined up on the shelves. Each toy is perfectly arranged in little boxes and they're all grouped by color.

"The blue one?" I ask. "I mean, she does like blue but..."

"Phillip, they're just dolls. And they're all the exact same. What's stopping you from just picking one and moving on? Do you really think it matters that much?"

"Yeah...you're right."

He was right, but it wasn't Jillian I was worried about. All the dolls, they're lined up so perfectly it kind of bothers me. It sounds dumb as I say it but it's the truth.

I grab one the blue boxes and walk over to the checkout line. We aren't gone thirty seconds before I glance over my shoulder and see a soldier replacing the toy we picked off the shelf. That's what I'm talking about...it's just weird.

We buy the toy and move out of the store and into the mall. Paper snowflakes decorate the ceiling and we see a mall Santa walking up to a line of kids and shaking hands with each of them. The mall Santa was a slim dude, wearing a red overcoat.

Overhead, Holiday music was playing;

Frosty the Snowman, had to hurry on his way. So he waved goodbye, saying 'don't you cry' I'll be back on Holiday.

When we walk outside of the mall, Ronald tells me to head home without him and that he'd see me during visiting hours.

I walk into my house and see my dad sitting on the couch watching TV. He was watching a fight scene where a man threw a punch at his adversary, but right before the punch landed the screen blacked out and in its place was a bizarre sound. The screen cut back to the show and the adversary was knocked out at the man's feet.

"I have the gift for Jillian." I tell dad.

"Do you see this?" He asks.

"What?"

"This garbage!"

Oh boy, I thought.

"People can't even watch a fight scene without the whole thing being filtered!" He continues. "You know, it wasn't like this years ago."

"I know. You told me," I reply. A lot.

"Well it wasn't! Back then, kids had their entertainment and adults had adult entertainment."

I sense another lecture coming on so I cut him off. "Dad."

"What?"

"I have Jillian's Holiday gift."

"Hmph. Holiday..."

Crap.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times!" He screams. "It's Christmas! Always has, always will be!"

"I know, dad!" I say. "But I can't take Christmas presents in the prison."

He suddenly got very quiet. He slowly hung his head and hid his face in his hands.

"So..." I say. "Ronald and I are going before we celebrate Christmas. Are you coming?"

"No...no just...give her my regards. I...have to set up the Christmas decorations downstairs."
We are always forced to celebrate Christmas on an underground basis. Meaning the decorations and all that go in the basement. It has no windows so no one can see the lights. One time, we were playing Christmas music and nearly got busted.

Visiting hours would start soon so I had to leave quickly. I thought about calling Ronald, since he was either getting the backup gift or was on his way to the prison. But there was only one place you can get the backup gift we were looking for, and it's a place where you don't want attention drawn to you. I guess it doesn't matter, he knows what time he needs to be there.

You can only go underground to get the gift we wanted for Jillian. These men run a bazaar of sorts below the street. We were in public so Ronald couldn't tell me where he was going when he told me to go home without him, but I got the message. I can only hope he'll make it in time. Visiting hours are longer on Holiday and we wanted to spend as much time as we could with Jillian.

Thankfully, he makes it to the prison with time to spare. I kept lookout and made sure no one noticed him putting the backup gift in the blue box we got from the mall earlier. Soon the steel doors opened and we stepped through into the holding cells. We knew Jillian's was at the end of the hall. Her singing echoed through the hallway.

"Frosty the Snowman, had to hurry on his way. So he waved goodbye, saying 'don't you cry' I'll be back on Christmas day." Her favorite song. Unmistakable.

We approach Jillian's cell. She was lying down on the cot, singing to herself. Her hair, which used to be bright red, now had smudges of brown. It was dried out too. Her face had a number of pimples on it and her orange jumpsuit had smudges that looked weeks old. Still, she actually looks comfortable given all that, and the cell she's in. It's dirty and moldy. It also had a horrible smell.

"Hi, Jillian," I say. She lifts her head and peeks at us, then runs over.

I wave over a guard. The cell bars are too tight, you could hardly fit a finger through the holes. There's a slot to the right of the cell that opens with a key and whatever is put in it slides into the cell.

We show the guard the blue doll, the one we removed from the box, and he shrugs and unlocks the slot door. He walks away and I put the box with her actual gift in. I'm careful to lower my voice, "Merry Christmas."

She takes it from the slot and opens the box to reveal a figurine. Jesus on the Cross.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you!" She says. As she speaks, I notice that her teeth had yellowed. She changed a lot since last time. She looks at us as if a thought just came over her. "Where's your father?"

"He..." Dad told me he was preparing for Christmas, but I didn't want to lie to her. "He...didn't want to come."

"Bah. Typical. You know when I was first arrested, he pretty much left me out to dry."

"Jillian..." Ronald began.

She cut him off with a chuckle, "I'm joking. I know he had the best of intentions. He's all that's left to take care of you. Considering that...I'm glad he did it. You know last month will have been our fifth anniversary."

"Yeah..." Ronald says. When mom died and dad brought Jillian home a few years later, we both had a hard time adjusting, but we only got to know her for six months. Then one day as we were celebrating Christmas in the basement, the Peace Corps started banging on our door. She got us all out the back of the house and let them arrest her. She got a life sentence for that.

"I have about two months left." She said somberly.

"What?" Ronald asks.

"I got the news last month," She continued. Today was the last day you could've seen me. Since the death penalty is a hot topic now, they're doing it under the radar. It also means no funeral. My body gets cremated as soon as it's over."

Last month; that was the last time we were here. I feel a frog climbing up my throat, but I swallow it back down. Ronald starts tearing up. There's a pause,

Then, "Ronald, are you still afraid of baseball?" As soon as she brought it up, she lost control laughing. Before we knew it, Ronald and I were too.

Five years ago, just before Jillian go arrested, we were playing baseball outside. Ronald and I were little kids at this time. She threw the ball a little too hard at Ronald and he freaked out. He flung his bat in the air and ran away flailing his arms everywhere. We always bring it up around him because he always tries to forget about it.

We spoke some more, but despite visiting hours being longer today, time still went by way too quickly. Soon enough, guards were telling us to clear out.

"Tell your father I miss him," She says.

"We will." I reply

"And boys, you do understand why I fought against the Peace Corps, right?"

"Yes," We say.

She crept closer and grabbed the cell bars. "If you had to, you would do the same, right?"

We looked at each other. We knew what they were doing had steep consequences, yet dad's lectures and Jillian's defiance, it all made sense why they did it. It was a violation of our rights, and we had to fight to get them back.

"Yes, we would."