Tainted

I think about it often
Those missing summer days
Simply gone from memory
Like they've been washed away

It's just like they vanished
Off into thin air
Not a spec of thought left behind
There's truly nothing there

I have a bad feeling
Deep down inside
I feeling I don't want to have
A feeling I can't hide

There has to be a reason
My brain is keeping this from me
To protect me from my deepest fear
By repressing my memory

What if someone's hands
We where they shouldn't be?
I try like hell to remember
Still those days I cannot see

To make things worse I think about
My father-where was he?
I thought he was the one that
Was supposed to be protecting me

It hurts to think that maybe I
Am not as innocent as I thought
And if I'm not I wonder if
I just laid there or if I fought

Maybe it is better
For me not to know
But if this really happened
Then in my life it shows

I can't get close to anyone
My walls are always up
Shielding me from pain and fear
And keeping me from trust

Perhaps one day I'll remember
What happened to those missing days
Then I can finally move on with my life
And begin the healing phase

But for now I sit and wonder
About the missing past
Will I ever know the truth
And put this to rest at last