Prompt: tell the story of a random sea turtle through a diary format.
Limit: using third-person language almost exclusively, and attempting to give as much personality and life to the story with as few words as possible.
Also, note that the 'Days' represent days the turtle, Derk, has been alive. That's important solely for comedic reasons.
Now, leg-walkers, enjoy Lord Wezel's latest story...
...Derk commands it.
THE DIARY OF DERK THE TURTLE
Derk has just hatched from his majestic shell. Derk stands proud, baring his royal head to the world. Derk's brothers and sisters also hatch. Derk squints his eyes at their fool-heartiness for they shall soon fall. Soon.
Derk has struggled to reach the safety of the ocean. Evil birds have caught many of Derk's siblings. Derk does not miss them. They deserved it. Soon.
Derk vows evil birds shall pay with their lives for their betrayal. Derk will tear every last feather off of their writhing carcasses with his bare flippers. With Derk's carapace, shall their bones be ground into bread. Derk will eat well tonight.
Derk has grown much in his long and prosperous reign. Derk's siblings, what few remain, now serve as his personal slaves. Derk has begun gathering his army. Like Michelangelo the Fierce-hearted before him, Derk the Mighty shall paint the ocean red. Soon.
The war for Middle-Ocean has begun, so Derk commands.
By order of His Most Imperialistic Of Majesties, The Great Divine Emperor Derk, all ocean-dwellers shall build a temple in his honor, bringing sacrifices and fish and gold and fish to pay homage to their Divine Ruler.
Today, Derk has crushed the final rebellion against his totalitarian rule. Using only one flipper, Derk tore a blue whale in half from mouth to tail. All float in awe of the Lord of the Universe. All hail Derk, Conqueror of all Life.
Derk has grown bored with ruling the universe. Derk has learned of another dimension above water. Derk vows vengeance against their kind for their unworthiness, the disgusting leg-walkers. Soon.
Derk steps proudly onto the sandy beach, his armies-
"Honey, what are you doing?"
"Moooooom! Why are you buuuugging me!?"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie."
He noticed her sarcasm. It wasn't appreciated.
"So, what're you doing?" She tried looking at his notebook, but he quickly shut it suspiciously.
With flailing arms, he threw his body on top his desk, desperately hiding his embarrassing excuse at writing. And to make matters even worse, he just had to start rambling. Good going, loser. What a way to convince your mom you're not hiding something potentially 'death by embarrassment' worthy. He internally groaned.
"Oh, come on, darling. Now, I've gotta see what you've doodled!" She smiled sweetly, attempting to pry him off the table.
"But mooooom… it's not a doodle!"
"Oh… then, what is it?"
Cheeks glowing red, he opted for the courageous route. "It's a diary."
"Oh! Sweetie! That's nothing to be ashamed of! Many people keep journals." She rubbed circles on his back, trying to calm him down.
Suddenly, laughing awkwardly, he stammered. "W-well… see… that's the thing… it's not my journal…"
His mom eyed him accusingly. "Now, you know it's very rude to read someone else's diary without ask-"
"Oh, no! I didn't steal it! I wrote it! It's just not mine." Could his embarrassment grow any worse?
She looked confused. "I-I don't understand, honey. If it's not yours, but you wrote it, then whose is it?"
His eyes shifted to the aquarium on his desk. He gulped. "D-Derk's."
"Derk? You… your turtle?"
His throat felt like it could die. "Y-yes, my turtle. It's about him."
She tried to not laugh. She really did. In her defense, she just giggled a little behind a raised hand. "Oh, honey. That's so sweet! Well, have fun writing with Derk! Dinner will be ready soon." And with that she kissed his cheek and left, her son mumbling something about cooties.
"Whew. It's ok, boy. Our secret's still safe."
Derk eyed him carefully, like he was calculating his every move with such coldness reserved for beings without compassion.
Soon, the boy left and Derk began looking around his room. Deeply, he breathed the fresh air of his new realm. "Day 45, Derk's observations have revealed much about the weaknesses of this pitiful culture. With this boy's body as a vessel, Derk shall rule supreme in this world! Ha-haha-hahaha!"
The boy came back suddenly and Derk quickly recomposed himself. And as he watched every movement from the corner of his eye, Derk only had one glorious thought.