Today was a good day. I was sitting in my sociology lecture and was sneaking a peek at my secret crush, Parker Bennet, every couple of seconds.
He was amazing, even if only on second glance, but that just made him more special, in my opinion, because he was like a treasure no one else knew about, except me. He was about my age, 22, fairly small, maybe 5'7'', and skinny, no muscles at all, as far as I could tell. His hair was black and long enough to cover his forehead. He was wearing glasses, but they made him look really cute. His face was soft-featured and his eyes had the purest brown color I had ever seen. I loved everything about him, even the way he moved - gently, thoughtfully and always a little shyly. He was fascinating and I could barely concentrate on the lecture with him in the room.
One time I even followed him around for a while and then, when he stopped at a drinking fountain, I walked by him really closely and tried to smell him. I only did that once though, because I felt pretty guilty afterwards and also, I didn't want him to catch me and think I was some creep.
Anyway, the best thing about Parker was that he was gay. I knew that, because he had one of those rainbow-flags pinned to his backpack, something I really couldn't understand, because he was constantly getting shit for it. He practically stigmatized himself and because of it no one wanted to be associated with him.
It was exactly why I would rather have cut off my balls than out myself. I even banged some drunken slut once at a party, just so no one would suspect that I might be gay. Ironically it earned me the reputation of a stud, because I was really drunk too at the time and had to concentrate so hard just to keep it up that I couldn't cum, so I banged her for like an hour, in which time she came at least twice and then, afterwards, told everyone what an amazing lay I was. I never banged another chick again, but of course I said I did and everyone believed me because of my reputation, which was great. It made me feel safe and I didn't want to jeopardize that, not even for Parker, even though I thought I might have a real shot with him. After all, I was pretty hot.
I was tall, 6'0'', and had a six-pack. I wasn't very muscular, but still well-toned. I had short, sandy blond hair, blue eyes and a handsome face, according to myself at least.
I never dared talking to him in public though and I never had a chance to catch him alone. That changed today when I discovered something amazing hanging on the bulletin board - an ad for tutoring lessons, by Parker, at his place. Jackpot! I ripped off a slip of paper with his number on it, smiling from ear to ear. He was charging 20 bucks, but that wasn't a problem. My parents were kind of rich, so money wasn't really an issue.
After the lecture, which was in the afternoon, I went straight home. I was hungry, but I couldn't wait to call Parker and I figured I could just order something later. At my first try no one picked up, so I called again every 10 minutes. An hour later he finally answered.
"Yes, hello? Bennet."
I smiled. His voice was really quiet and shy, it was adorable. I was so entranced by it that I forgot to say something.
"Hello?" he asked again.
"Oh, yes, hi, this is Tyler Wade. I'm calling for the tutoring lessons."
"Oh, ok, do you have any questions or do you want to make an appointment?"
"Yeah, no, how about in an hour?"
There was a pause.
"I guess," he finally said hesitantly. "I live at 47, Healey Street, apartment 8, ok?" he continued.
"Alright, great, see you in a bit, bye."
I hung up and raised my arms triumphantly.
I quickly shaved, showered and put on my best cologne. Almost exactly an hour later I was nervously knocking on his door. It opened a moment later, but only a crack, and he peeked out. He frowned when he saw me.
"What are you doing here?" he asked suspiciously.
"I'm here for the lesson. We talked on the phone earlier?"
"That was you?"
"Yeah, is there a problem?"
"I'm not letting you in, good bye," he said and closed the door.
"Now wait a minute, what's going on here? I think you're mistaking me for someone."
"No, you're with those fraternity-guys who are always giving me a hard time."
"Oh, no, I'm not like them, I swear. Come on, let me in, please... I'll pay you double."
"Are you alone?" he asked after a couple of seconds.
I heard him take off the chain and then the door opened. He was wearing a tight, gray t-shirt. I had never seen him with short sleeves before, it was hot. I stepped into the apartment and looked around. It was barely furnished or even decorated, just an old couch in the middle, a desk by the window to the left and a small cupboard, with his even smaller TV on it, on the right.
"Were you robbed?" I asked without thinking.
"What?" he said sharply.
"Oh, no... I mean... because of the door chain. You know?"
"No, I wasn't, I just wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth."
"Me neither, I was born with like placenta in my mouth. It was gross."
He frowned at me.
"Are you trying to be smart?" he asked.
"Of course, who doesn't?"
"I want my money up front."
"Sure," I said, pulled out my wallet and handed him 40 bucks.
"Let's get this over with, shall we?"
He led me to his desk, where the textbook was already waiting and we sat down.
"What exactly are you struggling with?" he said.
"Oh... Everything really."
"Everything?" he asked, incredulous.
"How did you pass all the exams up until now?"
"Copying from my neighbor mostly."
"Ok... So we should start at the beginning?"
"Sounds like a plan."
"Have you at least a vague understanding of the general structure of the material?"
"I don't know... Hey, you're gay, right?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"That's really none of your business, now is it?"
"I was just wondering."
"Can we focus on studying please?"
He opened the textbook.
"Ok, the first chapter is about Auguste Comte..." he said.
"I could bang you real good if you want, but you can't tell anyone or I'd have to murder you," I blurted out. He looked at me with a horrified expression, quickly opened a drawer and pulled out a can of mace.
"Leave, right now!" he demanded angrily and pointed at the door. I raised my hands.
"No, Jesus, calm down, I was just kidding."
"No, you weren't. Now leave or I'll mace you and call the police."
"Please, I'm really, really sorry, alright? I'll pay you another 20, just give me another chance. I'll behave, I swear."
"Give me your ID."
"Give it to me or leave."
I handed him my ID and he disappeared into what I was guessing was his bedroom. He came back out 5 minutes later.
"I called my mom and gave her your name and address. If I don't call within the next hour and tell her a certain word the police will show up. Any questions?" he said.
"Jesus, who do you think I am?"
"Someone who wants to have sex with me and threatened to murder me if I tell anyone about it."
I blinked a few times and then lowered my head.
"I'm so sorry," I said, defeated, and sighed heavily. "It's just, you're so incredibly hot and I never hit on a guy before. I thought I wouldn't have to beat around the bush, like with a chick, and just get to the point. I guess I was wrong. Well, and the murdering part was just a really bad joke. I'm terribly sorry. Do you think we can maybe start over?" I continued and his expression softened a little.
"Let's just concentrate on the lesson, ok?"
"So, Auguste Comte..."
"Hey, have you eaten yet?"
"I'm starving. How about we order something? My treat and your pick of course. We could study till it gets here and then eat for the rest of the hour."
"I don't know."
"Come on, please? I owe you for being a creep," I said and looked at him all puppy-eyed.
"Fine, I'll have a small salad."
"Nonsense, salad is rabbit-food, I'll order us a big pizza and some pasta, alright?"
"I don't eat meat."
"Why, what's wrong with meat?"
"I just don't like it. Is that a problem?" he said challengingly.
"You're not bulimic, are you?"
"What?" he asked sharply and glared at me. My eyes widened.
"No no, not because you look like you are, but because... I'm bulimic... you know?"
"Yeah, I'm just... bad at it."
He almost grinned, but suppressed it and frowned instead.
"So, what do you wanna drink?" I asked quickly.
"I don't need anything, I can drink water from the tap."
"Tap water is for cats and dogs. I'll order you a couple of sodas."
"Any other animals you want to compare me to?" he asked, annoyed.
"Well, you look like a fox," I said grinning and winked at him. He rolled his eyes.
"Just so we're clear, you're not my type."
"But I'm so handsome."
"And modest apparently."
"And modest," I said, laughing. "See, we're already becoming fast friends."
"We'll never be friends."
"No, you just have to warm up to my charm."
"Don't hold your breath."
"Let's eat first, maybe you're just grumpy cause you're starving."
"I'm not grumpy," he said indignantly.
"Sure, you're gushing with cheerfulness... In fact, you always seem kind of down, you're not depressed, are you?"
"No, I just don't have much to smile about."
"How many times a day do you beat off?"
"Oh my god, that's so inappropriate!"
"Come on, we're both guys here... Hey, where's your computer? I'll show you some cool porn-sites."
"I don't have a computer."
"How do you look at porn then?"
"No, it's gross."
"No it's not, it's awesome. Do you have a DVD-player?"
"I'll lend you mine and burn you some nice porn."
"I don't want any porn!" he said angrily.
"You weren't molested or something, were you?"
His eyes widened.
"Oh my god, could you be any cruder?"
"I'm just trying to figure out why you're such a prude."
"I had it with you. Leave!" he said forcefully and pointed at the door again.
"No, come on, I'll give you 100 bucks for the hour," I replied, pulled out my wallet and put 60 bucks on the desk.
"You think you can buy me?" he asked, outraged.
"No, not at all, we can call it an 'asshole-tax'. Come on, please, I won't say anything inappropriate anymore or I'll mace myself, I swear."
"If I weren't behind on rent I wouldn't even have let you in, but I guess I can't afford to be proud right now, so it's your lucky day."
"I know. Tell me, is there anything else you'd do for money? I mean, how desperate are you exactly?"
I knew I had fucked up, so I totally panicked, grabbed the mace off the desk and sprayed myself with it.
"NOOO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. I thought I'd pass out because I was getting dizzy all of a sudden, but I only fell off the chair.
"HELP ME! I'M GONNA DIE!"
"Are you insane?! Get up, quickly!"
"I CAN'T, I'M DYING!"
He took a hold of my arm, pulled me up and led me to the bathroom, where he washed out my eyes.
"Sit down," he demanded, so I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and he brought me a wet towel.
After about 20 minutes the pain slowly subsided.
"Let me see them," he said, took off the towel and leaned down to look at my eyes. He came really close and I could feel his face near mine, so, naturally, I tried to kiss him. Sadly, I missed.
"Oh my god, you're unbelievable! You're the crudest, most inappropriate, offensive, obnoxious human being I have ever met!" he yelled at me angrily.
It really hit hard. I frowned deeply and breathed heavily. It was all over. He hated me. I would never get close to him. I quickly got up and tried to storm out, but because I couldn't see properly yet, I ran right into a wall and fell down backwards. Completely dejected and humiliated I hugged my legs to my chest and started to cry. After a couple of second Parker kneeled down and gently stroked my back.
"I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean it, you're not that bad," he said reassuringly.
"Really? So you don't hate me?"
"No, of course not."
"Can I get a hug?"
"Well... I guess so."
I turned to him and he closed his arms around me.
"You smell a little," I mumbled and he instantly let go of me.
"What?" he asked sharply.
"I'm sorry," I said sadly and cried harder again.
"You really can't help it, can you?" he asked, more understanding than angry. I shook my head and he started to stroke my back again, which calmed me down.
"You know, I'm normally not like this. It's just that I've had a crush on you for so long and now I finally had a chance to get close to you, so I was extremely nervous. I mean, having a boyfriend like you would be the greatest thing I can imagine, you're like... perfect," I said.
"You don't even know me."
"I know you're the hottest guy I've ever seen and you're smart and so brave... You don't have a sense of humor though, but that's alright, I can be the funny one."
"You really think that about me?" he asked softly.
"Yeah, it's like someone broke your funny bone."
"No, I meant the other things."
"Of course, I think you're incredible."
"Thanks, I guess."
"Does this mean I still have a shot?"
"No, you never had one to begin with."
"How about friends?"
"I don't know."
"Come on, I'm a good friend, loyal, generous, supportive... Oh, but I can't talk to you in public, no offense."
"How very loyal and supportive of you."
"No, come on, you're like a leper."
"Wow... I think I'll pass on our secret friendship."
"But I'd get kicked out of my fraternity if I'd be seen with you."
"Why would you even want to be in a fraternity that's so homophobic in the first place? Don't you have any pride?"
"At least I'm part of a community. I mean, how many parties have you been to in the last couple of months?"
"But you're part of the wrong community, doesn't that bother you? And how many times did you have to lie about who you are at all those parties you've been to? Is that really the person you want to be?"
"It's better than being an outcast who's constantly teased and bullied."
"No, it's not. I would rather be a leper than a liar and a coward. At least I'm comfortable in my own skin and I probably miss out on less than you are."
"I can't out myself. It's just not an option. Aside from the fraternity, my family would disown me and I don't have a scholarship, so what the hell would I do without any money?"
"The tuition is too high, it's just not possible, trust me, I've thought about this before... After I first saw you actually."
"What about student loans?"
"So I'd be in debt for the rest of my life? No thanks."
"But maybe you'd be happy, how about that? Sometimes you just can't have it both ways, you know?"
"I could, if you weren't so stubborn. I mean, it would be easier for you to go back into the closet than for me to come out of it."
"Maybe, but you forget one thing, I don't have a crush on you and even a friendship with you is not very appealing to me."
"You never give up, do you?"
"Not when something's this important to me."
"But you're wasting your time, both of ours actually."
"We'll see. Now, let's get comfy on the couch and order some food, alright?" He hesitated. "Come on, you can't send me home like this, I can barely see anything, so why not make the best out of the time we have to spend together?"
"Fine," he said, sighing. We got up and I reached out for him, so he took my hand and led me to the couch. We sat down and he tried to let go of me, but I held on to him.
"Tyler!" he said warningly.
"Aww, just a little longer, this feels so nice. Your hand is really small and soft, like a girl's."
"Thanks a lot," he said annoyed, pried open my fingers and freed himself. I pulled out my cell phone and handed it to him.
"Dial 'Alberto's' for me, would you?" He did and handed it back to me. I ordered a large pizza with extra cheese, pasta, 6 bottles of beer and a couple of sodas.
"6 beers? You better not get drunk or I'll kick you out, blind or not. Do you understand me?" he said.
"No, they're for the both of us, you know, to loosen you up a little."
"I don't drink."
"Because I don't want to."
"You're Mormon or something?"
"No, just sensible."
"Suit yourself. I'll just get loose for the both of us."
"Yeah, because your problem is that you're too restrained."
"Good one... So, tell me about yourself."
"What do you want to know?" he asked, sighing again.
"Let's start with hobbies."
"Reading, I guess."
"And what do you like to read?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're a geek, I bet you've read 'Lord of the Rings' like five times or something."
"I'm not a geek!" he said indignantly.
"How many times have you read it?" I asked, grinning.
"None of your business."
"How many times have you seen the movies?"
"Once, in the theater."
"Interesting," I said, more to myself than him.
"Nothing... So, what's your 'type'?"
"I don't know, looks aren't too important to me."
"What is important to you?"
"That someone is sensitive, thoughtful and, above all, romantic."
"I'm all of those things, plus, I have a pretty nice dick and I could bang you for hours."
"I don't want to be 'banged' for hours. Do you even know what the word 'romantic' means?"
"Sure, like lighting a candle when you bang."
I could've sworn he had giggled silently.
"Romance means you're not 'banging', you're making love."
"What's the difference?"
"Making love is not about getting off, but about connecting."
"Connecting how? Like cumming in each other's mouths?"
This time I definitely heard him giggle a little.
"Is everything you know about sex based on porn?"
"How about you teach me all about romance? I'd have no problem with you cumming in my mouth. Would I have to swallow it too, you know, to like, really connect?"
"I would never have sex with you."
"I'm a very generous lover. You'd have plenty of fun, trust me."
"What if I'd learn how to be romantic on my own... And I guess being sensitive too... Would you go out with me?"
"No and can you please drop this already?"
"What's your favorite food?"
"Well, at least you didn't say pink."
"What's wrong with purple?"
"Nothing, very manly."
"You know, I had it with your insults."
"I'm not trying to insult you."
"But you do, constantly."
"Sometimes I get hard just by looking at your face. There, that should even it out."
"You're the worst."
"Who's insulting now?"
"We should just watch TV till the food gets here."
"I could barely make out anything on your tiny-ass TV if I hadn't blinded myself."
"I don't care. I just don't want to talk to you anymore."
"That's so rude."
"Well, I guess you're starting to rub off on me."
"I'd love to rub myself off on you."
"Yeah, I know," he said, got up and turned on the TV.
"Jesus, you don't even have a remote?"
"I do, but the batteries died."
We watched TV in silence for a while and by the time the delivery guy came my vision had improved enough that I could answer the door myself. We divided everything evenly and started to eat. Parker wolfed down his share like he hadn't seen food in days. Hoping it would calm my nerves and make me less of an asshole, I drank the beer as fast as I could and 10 minutes later it gone.
"Oh my god, did you drink all 6 bottles?" he asked, shocked.
"Yep and you know what? I'm pretty blitzed," I answered and laughed.
"It's time for you to leave. Here, take your money and go," he said and tried to hand me my 100 bucks.
"Keep it. You need it more than me."
"But I didn't even give you a lesson, so I wouldn't feel right about keeping it."
"Listen, you're like a homeless dude with an apartment, so don't argue. I have plenty."
"Fine... Thanks," he said reluctantly.
"Any time... Hey, are you full?"
"Yeah, thanks for that too, I guess."
"My pleasure. My stomach is pretty full too, look," I said, pulled up my shirt, flexed my ab-muscles and winked at him. He just rolled his eyes.
"Wanna touch?" I asked.
"No, I don't."
"In your dreams. Now leave."
"I can't, I'm too drunk. I'd never make it home alive."
"Not my problem."
"That's just cold."
"I don't care. Leave, now."
"Fine." I got up, stumbled a couple of steps and quickly sat back down again.
"I can't, I get really dizzy when I stand up. Make me some coffee and I'll leave as soon as I feel up to it, alright?" He didn't respond. "I'm not trying to trick you here, I swear. Please?" I added and he sighed heavily.
"Ok, you have half an hour to sober up. Then you're out of here."
He went to the kitchen and made me a cup of coffee. When I tasted it, I contorted my face in disgust.
"What the hell? Did you use toilet water to make this?" I asked.
"No, I don't drink coffee. This is from a bag that I found in the kitchen when I moved in here 4 years ago."
"You do have a sense of humor."
I slowly drank the awful coffee, but it didn't help, I got drunker by the minute, probably because I drank the beer too fast, it was kicking in with a delay. We were watching some boring-ass documentary about animals. Suddenly I had an idea. I scooted closer to Parker, till we were almost touching, pretended to yawn, stretched and laid my left arm over his shoulders. I felt him giggle a little.
"You really are unbelievable, you know that?" he said.
"Well, thank you."
"Your time is up. Leave or I'll call the police."
Just the thought of getting up made me nauseous and I puked right into Parker's lap.
"That's just great," he said sarcastically.
"Sorry," I replied sheepishly.
He got up and disappeared into the bathroom. I tried to get up too, but couldn't, so I went down on all fours and started to crawl to the door. I collapsed half way there, puked again and then passed out. It was an appropriate ending to one train wreck of an evening.
When I woke up it was dawn already, I was on the couch, on my side and there was a bucket next to me on the floor. I got up and left silently.
I spend most of the day curing my hangover. I even skipped all of my lectures.
The next day, Saturday, I had another idea and after doing some research on the internet I went shopping. At 7pm I called Parker.
"Yes, hello? Bennet."
He sounded so cute, it made me smile again.
"Hi, it's Tyler, are you home?"
"I answered the phone, didn't I?"
"Right. I'll be over in 10, see ya," I said and hung up.
9 minutes later I was standing in front of his apartment, wearing a tux, with a black tie, carrying two large bags and a bouquet of purple flowers. I knocked and he opened the door after a few seconds. As last time he frowned when he saw me.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I wanted to apologize for the other day and try to make it up to you. Can I come in?"
"No. Go away," he said and shut the door.
"Please, I need to give you a couple of things. It'll only take like 10 minutes."
"No, you're no longer welcome here."
"I know, that's exactly why I'm here. Give me 10 minutes and you'll never have to see me again... Well, except during lectures... But I won't talk to you... Not that I would talk to you otherwise... Shit... Please, I'm begging you, 10 minutes."
"Yeah, alright, thank you."
He opened the door and let me in. He was wearing pretty tight sweatpants and you could see a small bulge where his junk was. I had to concentrate really hard not to stare at it. I handed him the flowers and he reluctantly took them, but kept frowning at me.
"Can we sit down please?" I asked.
We sat down on the couch.
"You look beautiful tonight... Well, you always do... About that bulge, are wearing tight underwear or is your junk just really small?" I covered my mouth as soon as the words came out of it and looked at him wide-eyed.
"I'm already regretting letting you in."
"No no no, let's start over, alright?"
"Right. I brought you a couple of things. First of all, candles, to warm up the place." I pulled out two big, round, purple candles, put them on the table and lit them. "Next, I got you the 'Lord of the Rings'-trilogy on DVD, the extended versions, they're like 20, 40 and 50 minutes longer than the originals. I also brought you my DVD-player, so you can watch it. I have 'Apple TV' now, so you can keep it..."
"No, this is way too expensive, I can't accept it."
"Well, you have to, cause I'll just leave it here and you don't know where I live, so you can't give it back."
"Tyler! You can't buy my friendship... or whatever you're hoping to get out of this."
"I'm not trying to. Look, I ruined your evening the other day, so now I wanna make sure you'll have a great one, to make up for it, that's all, I swear."
"But it's not necessary."
"I know... Now, I also bought you the best Greek salad in town, fresh pita bread, non-alcoholic wine and tiramisu for dessert... Oh, and I got you new batteries for your remote... and popcorn... and a new can of mace," I said while I was unpacking my bags.
"This is really too much Tyler..."
"No, listen, you deserve it. You deserve a whole lot more actually, but this is all I could come up with. Now, I'm really sorry about the other day, have a great evening, good bye," I said, got up and started to walk to the door.
"Wait... Have you eaten yet?"
"No, why?" I asked innocently.
"Well, this looks like a lot more than I could eat on my own. Would you like to join me?"
"I'd love to," I said, smiling, and sat back down.
"I'll get us some plates."
He went to the kitchen and came back with two plates, two glasses and silverware. He divided the salad evenly and poured the wine. When he tasted the salad he raised his eyebrows.
"Wow, this is incredible," he said, surprised.
"I'm very happy to hear that."
"Where did you get this?"
"'Cicero's', a few blocks from here. Do you know it?
"Yeah, I walked past it a couple of times. That place is fancy. They just let you take the salad with you?"
"No, they didn't even let me in till I showed up with the tux and then I was asked to leave as soon as I pulled out the Tupperware. I'm not welcome there anymore."
He grinned a little.
"This must have cost a fortune."
"You like it, so it was worth every penny."
"This doesn't change anything between us though. You know that, don't you?"
"So you still hate me?" I asked sadly.
"No, not really. But there won't be any 'banging' in our future, that's what I meant."
"I know, only love-making."
"No, no sex whatsoever."
"No touching of any kind."
"We've been over this."
"What if I'd talk to you in public?"
"You don't have to do that for me. Let's face it, we're not meant to be anything, we're too different."
"That doesn't mean we can't make each other happy, and I'd really like to try."
"I don't know, I don't think it's a good idea."
"No, it's a great idea. Please? You won't regret it, I swear."
"Fine, but no more hitting on me, understood?"
"I can't promise that, I mean, you're just way too hot."
"I'll keep it to a minimum."
"I hope so."
"Does that mean I can stay and watch 'Lord of the Rings' with you?"
We ate mostly in silence and when we were both finished I plugged in the DVD-player and we started to watch the movie.
"It's a little chilly in here. Could you get me a blanket please?" I said.
"Of course, I'm sorry about that."
He brought a blanket from his bedroom and handed it to me. I scooted closer to him so we were touching and threw the blanket over our laps.
"Tyler, no!" he protested.
"Relax, I'm not coming on to you, I swear."
"I just wanna get warm, that's all. Come on, this is totally appropriate for two friends."
"Fine, but you better not try something."
"Me? Never!" I said, grinning.
We continued watching the movie, but I couldn't concentrate on it, I was too excited being this close to Parker. I knew I was pushing my luck as it was, but I couldn't help it and laid my arm over his shoulders.
"Tyler, do you want me to kick you out?"
"Parker, I swear I'm not coming on to you, it just feels so nice being close to you, that's all. This is totally innocent, trust me, please?"
"You're on very thin ice here. One wrong move and I'll never speak to you again, got it?"
The movie was mind-numbingly boring, but I didn't care, I was in heaven.
After maybe half an hour I suddenly heard Parker sniffle and looked over, his eyes were glistening.
"Oh no, what's wrong? Is it me? I'll leave right now," I said, really worried and a little panicked.
"No... I mean yes, it is you in a way. I enjoy this way too much."
"You do? And that's so terrible that you're crying about it?"
"No, I just got sad, because this made me realize how lonely I really am and how much I needed some human contact."
"Come here... I swear on my life I won't do anything inappropriate."
I took him in my arms and he buried his face in my chest and cried silently while I gently stroked his back. After 10 minutes or so he lifted his head, but was too embarrassed to look at me.
"Hey, there's no shame whatsoever in letting go sometimes, alright? And just so you know, I'll always be there for you, whenever you need me. And you don't have to worry about my intentions anymore, cause holding you in my arms is like better than sex, so I can happily settle for that."
He looked at me and leaned forward. Our lips almost touched, but I held him back at the last second.
"What? I thought you wanted this?" he asked, incredulous.
"Not like this. You're vulnerable right now, so I'd be taking advantage of you and that's like the last thing I want, even if it means missing the opportunity of a lifetime."
"I think I've misjudged you."
"I'm so fucking hard right now."
"Well, maybe not completely."
"I'm sorry," I said, laughing, and he started to laugh too.
"I thought you were crazy for being so unrelenting, but now I'm glad you were."
"Well, love tends to make people crazy."
"What? You're in love with me?" he asked, surprised.
"Duh, of course I am, I thought that was blatantly obvious."
"No, you said you just had a crush on me."
"Yeah, at first, but it developed into more pretty quickly. I mean, you're like mesmerizing, I just couldn't help falling in love with you."
"That explains a lot actually."
"Have you ever been in love?"
"No, I haven't."
"It's intense, like a rollercoaster ride. I sometimes go from being as happy as I've ever been, just from seeing you, to being totally depressed, crying my eyes out, cause it hurts so much that I can't even talk to you. And you're always on mind. It's like a gift and a curse at the same time."
"I'm sorry it has been so hard for you."
"I'm not, tonight was like the best night of my life and it wouldn't have been if I weren't in love with you."
"I really want to kiss you right now."
"Well, you can't. Now how do you like them apples?" I said, grinning.
"You're the worst," he answered, but had to grin too.
"So I've been told."
"I will probably change my mind about this by tomorrow, you know?"
"Fine, suit yourself."
"I'm not doing this for my benefit."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"It's alright. Let's just watch the movie."
We resumed our previous position.
"You know, by the time the movie's over it'll be pretty late, so I should probably sleep over, don't you think?" I said.
"And I really think I should sleep in your bed with you tonight."
He giggled a little.
"That ship has sailed. Sorry."
My eyes widened.
"Wait, what? You mean we would've ban... made love?"
"You will never know," he said, smirking.
"I'm gonna kill myself," I gasped.
"Relax, we wouldn't have had sex, but I might have let you sleep in my bed."
"I'm still gonna kill myself."
"Stop whining, you get to hold me, don't you? I thought that's enough for you."
"It is, I'm sorry... You don't sleep naked, do you?"
We watched the rest of the movie in silence and after taking turns in the bathroom we said our 'good nights' and then Parker disappeared into his bedroom. I lay awake for a while, thinking about the past hours and how happy I was. I fell asleep smiling.
The next morning I was already up and playing with my phone when he came out of his room, fully dressed, to my disappointment.
"Good morning hot-stuff," I said and he grinned a little.
I got up.
"How about a kiss to start the day?"
"Aww... How about a hug?"
I took him in my arms, but he quickly pushed me away as soon as our hips touched.
"Gross, you have an erection," he said indignantly.
"Well, yeah, it's the morning. Why don't you have one too? You're not impotent, are you?"
"No, I just have more self-control than you."
"It was nothing to do with self-control. I don't want a boner to go away, I welcome it. I would've rubbed one out by now, but I thought you wouldn't appreciate it if I'd get cum on your couch, not yet anyway."
"We'll see," I said, grinning, and we both sat down.
"Tyler, we need to talk, about last night."
"Yeah. I wanted to thank you, for being so sweet and for not letting me kiss you. I was in a bad place and not thinking clearly. I mean, I would have killed myself if I had woken up next to you today."
"Wow, thanks for sparing my feelings by not being blunt about it."
He giggled a little.
"Come on, you know what I mean."
"Oh yeah, you made yourself painfully clear."
"I'm sorry, I just don't want you to get your hopes up."
"So you decided to crush them. Seems reasonable."
"You're right, I'm sorry. How can I make this up to you?"
"Well, I have an idea, but we'll need lube and a couple of condoms for that," I said, smirking, and winked at him.
"I'm just kidding. But I know something. You could let me take a photo of you with my phone?"
"Please, only your face and I won't beat off looking at it, I swear. Pretty please?" I said and looked at him puppy-eyed.
"Fine, but don't you dare show or send it to anyone."
"Oh yeah, I'll walk straight into the living room of my fraternity, tell everyone that's the guy I'm in love with and then lay down, so they can kick me to death more easily."
"I'm just saying."
I pulled out my phone and pointed it at him.
"Now smile the shit out of that sexy mouth of yours."
He grinned shyly and I took the photo.
"Beautiful. Now put your finger in your mouth and suck on it please."
He giggled a little.
"You're a pig. And you already got your photo."
"Yeah, thanks, I'll stare at it constantly and picture us being together. Don't worry, no banging... Well, maybe some kissing... and touching..."
"Ok ok, I don't want to know!"
"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "Now, what do you want for breakfast? There's a Starbucks 10 minutes from here, says my phone. I could be back before you're done showering."
"That's really not necessary, we still have tiramisu and Starbucks is too expensive anyway."
"Nonsense, I'm going, I need coffee and I ain't drinking that hot toilet water you offered me last time."
"Fine, but nothing for me, thanks."
"That's not an option, so what do you like? Hot chocolate, tea, smoothies?"
"Nothing, I'm fine, really."
"You are fine indeed. I'll just get a cup of everything they have."
"Ok ok, I'll have a tea, the cheapest one."
"There you go, see you in a bit," I said and left.
I was back 30 minutes later, with 7 cups of different teas, a frappuccino for me and a couple of donuts and muffins. As usual, Parker frowned when he opened the door for me.
"What's all this?" he asked.
"Well, I didn't know what kind of tea you like, so I brought a selection."
"How much did all this cost?"
"I don't know, like 60 bucks or something."
"Oh my god, I don't spend that much on food in a week."
"Yeah, I can see that. By the way, how do you keep your bones from not rattling when you move?" I said, grinning.
"Hey, I'm not that skinny."
"How much do you weight? Like 120, 130 maybe?"
"None of your business."
"Anyway, try the teas and tell me which one you like best, so I'll know for next time."
"No, I'll buy coffee and tea for next time, so you don't have to spend any more money on me."
"Does that mean you're planning on having me over more often from now on?"
"How about tonight?"
"No, I have to study."
"Oh, I get it, you don't wanna spend time with me... I should get going, see you around," I said, disheartened, and got up.
"No, wait. I really have to study, I swear. I have an exam on Tuesday. You can come by after that if you want."
I sat back down.
"Alright, that's not too bad, we have a lecture together tomorrow, so I won't see you for like only 30 hours or so... That's still a lot if I think about it... How about I come by and take you out to lunch or dinner or better yet, both?"
"No, that's out of the question. Besides, I think you'll survive not seeing me for 30 hours."
"Easy for you to say. It was hard before, but after last night I'm like 'full-blown' in love with you, so now it'll be so much worse."
"I don't know what to tell you, I just don't have the time, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too, it's my problem, not yours... Now try the teas already, before they get cold."
He took a sip from every cup and then tried certain teas again, till he had narrowed it down to 2.
"They're all amazing, but this one's my favorite, I think," he said.
"That's 'chai latte', got it. I bought donuts and muffins too, have some."
"Ok, maybe one muffin, thank you."
We didn't talk for a while and just enjoyed our breakfast together.
"Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom, I have to piss like a race horse after that frappuccino," I said when we were both done eating.
"Don't pee standing up, it's gross."
"Wanna come with me and watch?" I asked and winked at him.
"No thanks, I'll take your word for it."
"Do I have to sit down if I promise to piss very carefully? I have excellent aim. I'm really good with my dick in general, you know?" I said and winked at him again.
"Just go, I don't even care anymore," he said, sighing.
I went to the bathroom and relieved myself, sitting down. It felt wrong somehow.
"Hey, I don't wanna overstay my welcome, so I better get going, alright?" I said when I came back out.
"Ok, see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, can't wait, bye."
"Bye," he said and I left.
At home I felt pretty lonely and missed Parker even though I had just seen him. At noon I had an idea and dialed his number.
"Yes, hello? Bennet," he answered, cute as usual.
"Hi, Tyler here, will you be home in the next hour or so?"
"Don't worry, I'm not coming over. Well, bye." I hung up before he could respond.
Next I called a restaurant and ordered lunch for Parker, two kinds of salads, some garlic bread and a couple of sodas. 45 minutes later my phone rang.
"Wade," I answered.
"Oh, hi Parker, what's up?" I asked innocently.
"Why would you send me food?"
"Don't you like it?"
"That's not the point. You can't keep doing this."
"Sure I can, I have like a 10K limit on my credit card."
"That's not what I meant. It's too much, it's making me uncomfortable."
"Well, I bet not nearly as uncomfortable as me thinking about you being hungry, so I win, deal with it."
"You make it sound like I'm at risk of starving to death at any minute, but I'm not, I'm fine and I don't need your charity."
"You're spending 60 bucks on food a week. I eat more in a day. And it's not charity, it's like an investment. If you're happy, I'm happy, so in a way I invest in your wellbeing for my own benefit. It's pretty selfish if you think about it."
"It's the opposite of selfish... And I do appreciate it, the food was delicious. But no more, you hear me?"
"Tyler, I'm serious."
"Now, do you have any requests for dinner or do you wanna be surprised?"
"No, Tyler, are you not listening to me? I forbid you to spend any more money on me."
"Surprise it is then."
"Oh my god! Tyler!"
"Bye now." I hung up smiling.
The day dragged on and I couldn't wait to get another call from Parker, even an angry one, as long as I'd hear his voice. Around 5:30pm I ordered Chinese food for him, a whole multi-course meal with dessert and everything. An hour later the phone rang again.
"Tyler! I don't believe you!"
"How was it?"
"Amazing," he said, defeated.
"I'm very happy to hear that."
"Now you listen to me, this ends today. If you send me any more food or spend even another cent on me we're no longer friends and I mean that. Am I making myself clear?"
"You're breaking up, you said to send more food and that we're friends, right?"
"Fine, you obviously don't take me seriously, which means you don't respect me and you don't care about my feelings, so I don't want to be friends with you anymore. Good bye," he said sharply and hung up.
I was stunned and started to panic. I didn't know what else to do, so I got in my car, drove to his apartment and knocked on his door. It cracked open after a few seconds and Parker frowned at me.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"Can I come in? Please."
"Fine, but only for a minute."
He opened the door and I walked in.
"I'm so sorry I made you think I don't respect you. The truth is, I never respected anyone more than you. And I probably care more about your feelings than I care about my own. Please give me another chance. I'll do whatever you want," I said emotionally. His expression softened.
"Maybe I was a little too harsh on you, but I didn't know what else to do anymore."
"Does that mean we're still friends?"
"Thank god," I gasped and hugged him.
When we parted I smiled brightly, which made him grin back. I looked to my right and noticed his desk, the lamp was on and it was covered with books and notepads.
"You actually were studying. That's great," I said happily.
"I told you so. You didn't believe me?"
"Well, I was considering the possibility that it might have been just an excuse to get rid of me."
"No, it wasn't, I had fun last night, so if I wouldn't have to study I would be willing to spend more time with you."
"You like me, don't you?" I said, grinning.
"Well, I don't dislike you anymore. Let's leave it at that."
"Great... Now, I'll get out of your hair. Have a nice evening and a good night."
"Thanks, you too."
I drove home and watched a movie on Netflix. I fell asleep smiling, thinking about Parker.
The next day I came to a decision. It was time for a change, so I made a couple of arrangements and then did something which was long overdue. When I entered the lecture hall in the afternoon I was delighted to see Parker already sitting at his usual desk and walked right up to him.
"Is this seat taken?" I asked, grinning. He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Tyler, what are you doing? Get away from me."
"But I wanna sit next to you."
"Ok, I get it, you proved your point, now yell some insult at me and leave before your frat-buddies see you."
"Fuck 'em, all of them. The whole world can't cause me more pain than you bring me joy."
He grinned, but quickly turned serious again.
"That's sweet, but still, I don't want you to get hurt."
"It hurts more not being near you."
"Tyler, come on, stop it, I don't want this on my conscience."
"It's already done. I moved all of my stuff into storage earlier and checked into a hotel till I find a new place."
"Please tell me you didn't do it for me."
"No, I did it for me, cause you were right, I can't have it both ways and I don't even want to anymore. I wanna be a part of your life and not secretly, proudly."
"Wow, whenever I think I have you figured out you really surprise me, you know that?"
"Does that mean I can sit down now?"
"Yes, of course, if you want."
I sat down and right in that moment a group from my fraternity walked in. One of them noticed me and frowned deeply.
"Hey Wade, what the hell are you doing with him? Are you a fag too now?" he shouted at me.
"Yes I am and you better not give me shit about it or I'll give you AIDS. You got that?" I said warningly.
"What did you just say to me?" he asked, perplexed.
"You heard me. You wanna go? Let's go right fucking now!" I said forcefully, got up, pulled out my car keys and cut my knuckles with it, making them bleed a little. The guy just stared at me in disbelief for a few seconds, not knowing what to do.
"Fuck this, you're crazy," he finally said and walked away, so I sat back down.
"Well, that should settle it for now."
Parker looked at me, frowning.
"He was right, you know? You are crazy," he said.
"But we're still friends, right?" I asked with some panic in my voice.
"Of course, I'm actually kind of impressed. That was very effective, even if it was crude and over the top. Did you just come up with that?"
"No, I've heard about this guy, Jesse Warner, I think. Little dude, gay too, got hassled by a bunch of guys. He threatened to give them AIDS, so they backed off."
The professor walked in and the lecture started. Parker pulled a tissue out of his backpack and gently put it on my knuckles.
"Thanks," I whispered and he nodded.
For the next 15 minutes or so I did a dirty drawing of me blowing Parker under the desk and then passed it to him. He giggled a little and wrote me a note that said: "Pig! Start taking notes!", so I started to write on my pad:
- Parker looks especially hot today. I'm really hard right now.
- If he keeps putting the tip of his pen in his mouth I will cum soon.
- Need to steal his pen by any means necessary!
When I showed it to him he giggled a couple of times, then wrote me another note, saying: "If you stop, you can have my pen!" That shut me up and I even concentrated on the lecture. I was still relieved when it was finally over though.
"Pen please," I said and held out my hand. He rolled his eyes, but gave it me and I gave him one of mine for it in return.
"Have you eaten yet?" I asked.
"No and you better not offer to buy me something."
"Never. But how about we get something at the cafeteria?"
"I can't afford that."
"But it's practically free, everything costs like a buck or something."
"A buck I don't have."
"Alright, so how about this? We could go shopping at some cheap-ass supermarket and then go to your place and I'll cook you my famous 'chili con carne', meatless of course."
"You can cook?" he asked, surprised.
"Only chili, but it's pretty good and spicy as hell, it'll blow your socks off. Come on, you can study while I'm making it and then I'll leave right after we have eaten, alright?"
"Great, let's go."
We drove to the next supermarket and then to Parker's place. Half an hour later the chili was ready and we sat down to eat. He curiously smelled it and tried a spoon full, but immediately started to cough.
"Oh my god, what did you put in this?" he gasped.
"Good, isn't it?"
"No, it's like eating lava."
"I told you it would be spicy."
"But this is inedible."
I tried some too.
"I don't know what your problem is, I think it's great."
"That's just not normal. I can't eat this, I'll get diarrhea for sure."
"I'm sorry you don't like it," I said sadly.
"It's ok, you meant well, that's all that matters."
"Let me at least order you something, you know, to like reimburse you for the food I've wasted."
"That's not necessary, I'm not hungry anyway."
"But you have to eat something... Maybe I could water this down a little."
"I don't think this is salvageable."
"But I have to do something."
"No, you don't, it's not your job to take care of me."
"But I want it to be. More than anything... I have an idea. I'll go out, buy new ingredients and make another batch. Technically I wouldn't spend any money on you, cause you paid for mine and now I'll pay for yours, it's like we're splitting the costs, which is only fair."
"Tyler no, you don't have to."
"But I really want to. It'll make me so happy. Please?"
"Great," I said, smiling, and got up.
I drove to the nearest store and then made more chili, less spicy this time. When Parker tried it he frowned a little.
"Yeah, it's good," he said, not very convincingly.
"It's not, is it?"
"No, it's so much better than the last batch. I'll eat all of it."
We both ate our chili in silence.
"Are you ready for your exam yet?" I asked when we were both finished.
"I will be, yes."
"What grades do you usually get?"
"I thought as much... Hey, when can I come over tomorrow? I mean, I can still come over, right? You said I could."
"Yeah, how about around 7? We could watch the second 'Lord of the Rings' movie if you want."
"Can I sleep over again?"
"I guess, but just so you know, I have an early lecture the next day."
"I don't mind."
"Ok... I don't want to be rude, but I really have to get back to work now."
"Of course, I'm sorry, I'll go."
"Thanks for dinner."
"Can I get a hug before I go?"
We both got up and hugged each other. After a minute Parker let go of me, but I held on to him.
"Tyler," he said, sighing.
"Yeah, sorry," I replied sheepishly and let go. I quickly turned around and tried to muffle a sniffle, but he must've heard it anyway.
"Are you crying?" he asked.
"What? No... Bye now."
I started to walk away.
"Tyler, look at me."
I turned around and he frowned a little when he saw the tears in my eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.
"Nothing, I'm just... really happy, cause I have you in my life now. I'm so grateful for that, you know?"
"Anyways, I don't wanna waste any more of your time, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see you."
I left and drove back to my hotel room. I got bored pretty quickly, because they had no pay-TV and some jerk must've been downloading something, because the Wi-Fi was too slow to even watch videos on YouTube.
The next day was more or less uneventful. At 5 to 7pm I was in front of Parker's apartment and knocked on his door. He let me in, not frowning this time.
"Hello cutie pie, how are you today?" I said cheerfully.
"Good, how are you?"
"Great, now that I'm here. How did your exam go?"
"Have you eaten yet?"
"Yes," he said, rolling his eyes.
We sat down on the couch.
"Guess what. I signed up for a cooking class today, so I can make things for you that you won't get diarrhea from."
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind."
"Do you wanna tell me about it? It might help."
"Maybe later, ok?"
"I'll get us a blanket."
"Great, I'll set up the movie."
He disappeared into his bedroom, so I turned on the TV and the DVD-player and put in the DVD. He came back and we both sat down beside each other. He covered our laps with the blanket and after I had laid my arm over his shoulders we started to watch the movie.
"You fantasize about us being together, don't you?" he suddenly asked.
"Yeah, constantly, why?"
"What exactly do you fantasize about? I mean, how do you picture us together?"
"Well, I picture myself waking up next to you in the morning, gently kissing you awake, getting up, maybe blowing you in the shower. We have breakfast together and then go our separate ways. And when we come home in the afternoon we tell us all about our day and how much we missed each other. We make out for a couple of hours, maybe get naked and rub up against each other till we cum. Afterwards we hold each other and then take a hot bath together and I give you a massage. And then we go to bed and like bang each other's brains out till we're so exhausted that we just fall asleep in each other's arms, all sticky and sweaty."
"Sex is really important to you, isn't it?"
"Well, you being happy is and making you cum seems like a good way to archive that. I mean, who doesn't like to cum, right? But if sex wouldn't be your thing for some reason I'd do everything I could to find other ways to make you happy. Also, 9 times out of 10 fantasizing about you leads to me beating off. That's why my fantasies are so sexual. But it's not like I only wanna have sex with you, I'd also love to watch you sleep for example or listen to you talk about yourself for hours and learn every little detail there is to know about you. That sort of thing, you know?"
"You're not mad, are you? I mean, you asked."
"No, it's ok."
We continued to watch the movie, but there was definitely some kind of tension between us.
"Please take your arm off my shoulders," he suddenly said after 15 minutes or so.
"Why, what's wrong?"
"Just do it please."
"It's because of the thing I said about beating off thinking about you, it creeped you out, didn't it? I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again, I swear."
"No, it's fine."
"Can we just not talk for a minute? Please."
The silence was killing me. I knew something was up, but I couldn't figure out what. I was about to freak out when the most amazing thing of all times happened. Parker took my hand in his. My eyes widened.
"Does that mean what I think it means?" I asked cautiously.
"Yeah," he said quietly.
"Are you sure? Cause if you'll change your mind about this I will like... die."
"I won't, don't worry. But Tyler, can we take it slow please?"
"Of course, whatever you want."
We didn't talk for a couple of minutes and I gently stroked his hand with my thumb.
"I've never kissed anyone before, so I'm probably really bad at it," he said insecurely.
"Holy Jesus, we're gonna kiss," I gasped and he giggled a little.
"So you don't mind?"
"I wouldn't mind losing a tooth kissing you."
He turned to me and we looked deep in each others eyes for a couple of seconds. I took my free hand and touched the side of his face. We both leaned in and our lips tenderly connected. It was electrifying and when we parted after a minute we both gasped. We let a few moments pass and kissed again. After maybe 10 minutes Parker suddenly backed away.
"We should stop, for now," he said, a little out of breath.
"What? No. Why?"
"If we pace ourselves we could make this feeling last longer, you know?"
"Oh, yeah, alright."
"You're not disappointed, are you?"
"I've never been less disappointed in my whole life."
We both grinned.
"How about we watch the movie for a while?"
We watched for maybe 5 minutes.
"Can I see you naked?"
"In your underwear?"
"Without a shirt?"
"Can I feel you up?"
He giggled a little.
"Wanna see me naked?"
"Can I move in with you?"
"Are you hard right now?"
He hesitated and I laughed.
"You're a pig," he said indignantly, but had to giggle too.
"When can I kiss you again?"
"I don't know, maybe after the movie?"
We both turned back to the screen.
"Can you concentrate on the movie?" he asked after half an hour.
"It's like I'm watching it in Chinese."
He giggled a little.
"Yeah, I guess we're too preoccupied."
"But we can't just kiss all night."
"I wouldn't mind."
"No, it'll be better if we wait. Let's just power through this."
"There are still 2 and a half hours left to go, you know?"
"Oh... No. We can do it."
We reluctantly watched the rest of the movie.
"Wow, that wasn't totally painful at all," I said jokingly when the credits finally appeared.
"Yeah, I don't think I like 'Lord of the Rings' anymore."
"Wanna make out now?"
We quickly turned to each other and started to kiss eagerly. After probably the best 15 minutes of my life Parker suddenly yawned.
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I boring you?" I asked, grinning.
"I'm so sorry, please don't take this personally, but I'm just really beat, it was such a long day."
"That's alright, let's call it a night."
"Ok. You can use the bathroom first if you want."
I nodded and got up.
I quickly relieved myself and brushed my teeth.
"Your turn," I said and sat down on the couch.
When he came back out of the bathroom 5 minutes later I hugged the blanket to my chest and looked at him all puppy-eyed.
"Good night," I said sadly and pouted a little. He giggled.
"Do you want to sleep in my bed with me?" he asked, grinning. I shot up, ran past him into his bedroom, took off my pants and socks in record time and jumped into his bed. He closed the door smiling.
"Cover your eyes," he said.
"And swear you won't peek."
"I swear," I said, sighing, and covered my eyes.
I heard him unbuckle his belt, take off his pants and climb into bed. He turned off the light and cuddled himself against me. I put my arms around him and kissed his head.
"Good night," I said softly.
I had a hard time falling asleep. It felt too amazing having Parker in my arms and I wanted to savor it for as long as possible. When I woke up the next morning I almost couldn't believe how much my life had changed in such a short amount of time and how incredibly lucky I was. I gently kissed Parker and shortly after he opened his eyes. He frowned a little when he saw me and for a second I was sure he had second thoughts about us, so I started to panic, but then he smiled at me and suddenly everything was... perfect.