We are the broken, we are the lonely. We are no longer what we once were. Now we are the fading, we are weary.
We've wandered the Earth for thousands of years. We always go where civilization goes, following it's path and changing as it changes. We were once strong, powerful, worshiped more than anything. We had sacrifices and alters and cities dedicated to us. Now we are the forgotten, the lost, the lonely. We are cursed to be alone, many of us have faded because we have nothing to hold on to, we have no hope. You'd think we aren't alone because we have each other but after the fall of the so many civilizations we have lost each other. We can only feel when another is gone because we weaken more. We are alone, forever. We are alone even after the sun has turned to ash and the world has died leaving nothing but the forgotten and the dead.
I am one of the last of the gods. I have many names. In Egypt I was Seshat, in Greece I was Athena, in Rome I was Minerva. I am the Goddess of Wisdom, I have many names but I was always the same. I am supposed to guide people; I am supposed to be wise. Yet I am also supposed to be worshiped, I am supposed to be loved. We, as gods, made people not so they could thrive and use the Earth, but so we can be loved. All we've ever wanted was love. As gods, we were powerful and too selfish to love each other. So we made humans who would pray to us when they needed help, who sacrificed their best animals and items so we would be pleased. We were pleased; we were living on what you modern humans would call a high. What would you say, oh yes, those were the days. Those were the days when living was meaningful and happy.
As civilization spread, people began to interact with each other and develop tools and technology. More wars broke out and more diseases were spread. Soon we were being cursed by many and loved by the few less and less. We were devastated. The beings that we had worked so hard on bringing to life had suddenly turned on us. It just proved that by some unknown destiny we were cursed. We left each other; we left our thrones as they had begun to rot just like we had. We were no longer these impressive beings; we were pathetic excuses for what we once were.
I was the last to leave our home. I stayed till the very end. Why? Not because I was wise, but because I was lost. That was my only home. I may be wise but anyone who is losing her home, her family also loses herself. They forget the reason to even exist and that was me, lost. I began to wander. I followed the sheep, I followed the light. I didn't know what else to do. I followed whatever would lead me. I didn't know what to do, but I survived. Over the years I ran into a few of my siblings. My brother, the God of War, was very rarely lost. He always just followed the war, whether it was waging war or participating in war, that was all he needed. My uncle, God of the Sea, sailed the seas, he followed the fish, the whales, but he faded as he saw what people were doing to his ocean. These very humans that we had created were not only killing us but what we stood for. They didn't understand us anymore and they didn't respect us anymore. We were nothing but a fading memory and a long gone past. In this world we created, we were nothing anymore. We were just lost souls looking for happiness in the messed up world we created out of our need to feel love.
The year is 2013. There are more skyscrapers, more pollution, more death, more of us gone. I am alone. I've lived so many places; under so many names that sometimes I forget who I am, or who I was because now I am nothing. My current name is Solus Smith. I work, I live, I breathe, I eat, and I sleep. That's all there is, the same monotone and boring routine day in and day out. I've tried to make friends with the mortals that surround me but they are too caught up in their pointless gossip to notice anything outside of themselves. I am too old to try and focus on myself; I have seen too many things in my time of being so I keep to myself. My sister, Goddess of Love, would have loved these conversations. She was always vain and in love with life but even her love of life could not keep her from fading when she was no longer the most beautiful or the most loved. I miss her like I miss all my family. Sometimes when I'm alone I remember the old days, our golden age. Yet no matter how alone I am or how sad I am I do not cry. I cannot. If I were to I may lose myself and fade, like so many in my family have. I am wise enough to know that I cannot fade. One of us needs to last. It's what we were supposed to do. Live and last.
Life is black and white or these humans. They do not see what is beyond themselves. They see their life, their importance but they do not see what they do to the world, what they cause. Most of them blame others rather than taking the blame themselves. I blame this on myself. When I was the Goddess of Wisdom, I never taught them to take the blame as a wise man must, instead us gods taught them to blame others just as we now blame them for our downfall. Yet we should have known that nothing lasts forever. We took down our parents and they have done the same. They brought us down stone by stone until we were seeing at their level, at their view.
"Hey Solus, why would your parents name you alone?" I heard someone ask me, instantly snapping me out of my reminiscing.
"Huh? Oh, Jason. My mother named me Solus because my father left her after I was born," I lied before going back to my computer screen in my tiny cubicle.
"Oh… I'm sorry. Hey let me buy you a coffee tomorrow, to make up for my silly question," Jason offered, smiling as he peeked over the wall that split our cubicle. I just continued to work, there was no point in interacting with him. I finished the day and went home. I watched the news and listened to more damage that was being done to the world. It made me sad but I had become so numb that I was no longer cared; I was no longer wise enough to help the mortals. I no longer lived up to my name. Maybe that was the real reason that I had forgotten it.
The next day when I got to my cubicle there was a cup of coffee sitting on my desk with a sticky note attached to it. It read 'Sorry for yesterday. Hope you enjoy this coffee –Jason'. I don't know why but it made me smile, and I feel like that was the first time I had smiled in years.
"You should smile more. You look beautiful when you smile," I heard Jason say. I glanced up, losing the smile. I couldn't smile, not when there was so much wrong and every day I kept losing myself. I sat down, thanking him for the coffee and got to work. It was a long day because every time Jason got up I'd glance at him, or I'd find reasons to walk by his cubicle. I don't really know why, but I think my sister would have called it a crush.
The next day, to repay the favor I left a coffee on Jason's desk. He got there and turned around to me. "So you look young, but then why do you look like you've seen the world's horrors?" he asked, sipping the coffee.
I glanced up at him, "Because I have seen many things, things that age you and kill you." I replied calmly, not like he would believe me; probably just add it to a list of why I sound crazy.
"Well how about this, you can tell me about the things you've seen on a date. I'll pick you up at seven," he said smoothly, like he had been planning this moment for a long time. I glanced up and felt a smile creep onto my face. "I'd like that," I responded. He smiled back as our boss yelled at us to go back to work.
That night I got ready, I put on a dress that I had bought because it reminded me of the days in Greece. I was ready by 6:45 and I couldn't sit still. I knew it wasn't wise of me to be this excited but I was. When the doorbell rang at exactly 7pm I rushed to the door and opened it.
"Wow… You look amazing," Jason said, jaw dropping. I blushed, since when did I blush I wondered as he took my hand and led me to his car. I felt my heart flutter when I looked in his eyes and I think I started to feel life again.
We drove to the restaurant and made small chat. It was very relaxing and not at all scary or nerve wracking like I thought it would be. We got to the restaurant and we were seated when he asked me, "So what have you seen Solus?"
"I have seen the world," I replied, glancing up at him, waiting for that judging look to appear, waiting for him to get up and leave me, waiting to be alone again, waiting to fade, waiting to lose hope.
"You look like you have, but what about the world has hurt you?" he asked gently, taking my hand. I looked at our intertwined hands.
"I'm alone. My family is almost all gone, I don't know where the ones that are alive even are. I have traveled, traveled for a long time and I see that no matter what, I'll always be alone. I'll always be an outcast," I whispered. I realized that I was no longer the strong, powerful, wise being that I was. I was now a broken shell of that goddess.
"You don't have to be alone you know. I'm here," he said and I could feel hope growing inside of me. I felt alive, I felt my soul coming back.
"But I have no one," I whispered, almost laughing. It felt so weird to say it out loud, to hear the words echo over and over in my ears. I looked back down at our hands.
"You have me," Jason whispered back, causing me to look him in the eyes. I could see that he meant those words and suddenly I knew. I knew why I was alive, I really no longer was the Goddess of Wisdom, and maybe I never had been. I stayed alive this whole time, never fading because I always had hope. I am the Goddess of Hope.