what i thought i knew

CHAPTER 1

wet and confused

Watching someone you have secretly, forbiddingly and almost illegally loved all of your life make out with someone who is most definitely not you is more painful than it actually sounds. In fact, it hurts a hell fucking lot. It's like stepping on a lego, bumping your pinkie at the door, getting your balls kicked, giving birth and accidentally biting your tongue all wrapped in to one tiny pretty package.

It's 1:00 am in the morning and I am witnessing my worst nightmare happen before my eyes- my best friend whom I have admired since I was in my diapers and my stunning, perfect cousin mauling each other. Wait for it. On my bed. Plot twist. And they're asking me to hand them a fucking condom. But wait, my bad luck doesn't end there, folks. Kaiden, the world's biggest asshat, is currently standing at the door, watching me slowly disintegrate to dust from heart ache. And whoop-dee-doo, he's enjoying every single moment of it.

I hate my life.

"Scar, it's in my wallet. God, ugh," Ethan, my asshole of a best friend says or rather groans to me. I stand there by my bedside table, dumbfounded at everything that's coming out of his mouth. Is he fucking serious? Like what happened to him being my best friend? Hello, I deserve some respect. The thought breaks my already broken heart a little more.

"Ethan, yes! Right there," Ivory moans out. I cringe at all the kissing noises they're making. It's too much to bear. It's one thing to imagine them making out in your brain but it's another thing to see it play out before you. Especially under the given circumstances.

They flip positions so that Ivory is on top. I hear Kaiden whistle behind me.

Since when did Ethan forget about us? Oh, that's right. It's when flawless Ivory showed up at my doorstep. I remember it all too clearly.

It was last summer when it happened. Ivory's parents died in a car crash so Grandpa Keegan, my Mom's father, asked her if Ivory could stay with us until the case is settled or until she recovers. When Ivory came, she was a mess. She was like a rag doll, lifeless, dull and full of stitches. It's almost been 8 months since she arrived.

She met Ethan when Mom forced me to invited her to the Summer Bonfire Chesmire High held a week before school started. Since Ivory was going to our school, even though as a senior already, Mom thought tagging her along would be a good idea.

"Scar, your cousin's been through a lot. Help her out for me, okay?" I remember her saying to me.

But it actually took all of my will to do what Mom said. I didn't want Ivory to come with me because I didn't want anyone to ruin that specific night. That was supposed to be the night I was going to confess my feelings for Ethan. Then, poof, my chance flew away like a scared bird.

She gained a lot of friends from the Summer Bonfire. She was perfect which boosted her social status by like 100x and deflated mine by 1000x. Who wouldn't like her, anyway? Blonde wavy hair, perfect almond shaped eyes, a model-like figure. She was the epitome of perfection. She also had the brains, manners, and talent to go along with it. I was a piece of shit compared to her. And apparently, even in my best friend's eyes, I was still a piece of shit compared to Ivory.

"Ethan, I have something to tell you," I said in the most confident voice I could possibly muster during the Summer Bonfire. Days of practice and hours of thinking of all of the worst possible scenarios that could happen lead to this moment. There was nothing that was going to stop me.

"What is it, Scar?" Ethan whipped his head back, his dark chestnut hair flopping along with it. I froze when his angelic hazel eyes met mine. In the light of the bonfire, his eyes almost seemed golden. Gosh, was I in love with him.

I took one big breath and looked directly at him. "Ethan, I-"

"Scarlette!" Ivory shouted. And I think you could guess what happened next. I was forgotten.

"Damn it, Scarlette, where's the condom?" Ethan harshly shouts which snaps me out of my deep reverie. I scramble to get the condom. I throw it at him, disgusted.

I can't take it anymore. The walls feel like they're closing in on me. I need to get the hell out of here before I wail like a damn baby.

"Clean the sheets when you're done with whatever you're doing, please," I say in a defeated, hopeless, tiny voice. With one last look at the two, I push past Kaiden's towering and smirking frame and retreat to the only place that makes me feel wanted- my secret tree house.

I sit at the edge of my tree house's wooden floor and look out at the stars. Well, there should have been some stars, if it weren't fucking raining. I dangle my legs at the edge and don't mind the dizziness I'm feeling. I am actually really scared of heights.

"Does he even remember when we built this tree house together?" I whisper to the wind, letting my tears fall drop after drop.

Ethan was the one who made this tree house. There's nothing special about it, really. It's just made out of old pieces of ply wood while the roof consists of metal sheets. When you look at it from a far, it actually looks like the tree house was blown up there by a typhoon and the cleaning team forgot about it completely. It sure looks like a piece of shit made by a three year old, but it surprisingly can hold and has been there for almost six years. And may I remind you that the house was 20ft off the ground. He made this for me to help me conquer my fear of heights. I didn't want to tell him, but it wasn't working. I was still shitty petrified. But it was a nice place to hang out even if I sweat bullets before I get up top.

"She's not going to overcome her fear with a tree house, Ethan. You're like treating diabetes with chocolate, dumbass," I recall Kaiden saying.

"Shut up. She will. Just watch," Ethan snapped back. I don't even know why the hell the two of them are best friends. Ethan is the absolute opposite of Kaiden while at the same time... he's actually not? I know, right? When the fuck did my life become this cliche?

Ethan's the perfect man- smart with straight A grades, handsome in an "omg he's my dream husband" way, popular, talented, athletic, kind.

But everything changed since she arrived. He barely talks to me anymore. He rarely asks how I've been doing. He doesn't say my name like he used to. He's like a new person now. Why? Because he's always with perfect, flawless, Ivory. Ivory here, Ivory there, Ivory everywhere! And even if he's with me, his heart and mind is still with Ivory. Everything that comes out of his mouth has something to do with perfect, flawless, her.

And the sad thing about all this is that I never stopped being his friend. Even if he had, I didn't.

Kaiden aka asshat, on the other hand, is also the perfect man- for trouble, that is. He is also smart (like super smart), handsome (as much as I hate to admit it) in a "damn good lord" way, popular for all the wrong reasons, talented, BUT DEFINITELY NOT ATHLETIC NOR KIND (ha!) That guy sucks at sports and at being a decent human.

In fact, we should all be three happy friends because Kaiden and I are friends with the same person, but no. We will never be friends ever. NO. NO. NO.

Not since that night.

Cue the onslaught of hot tears.

"Screw you, life! Screw you, Ivory! Screw you, Ethan! Screw you, Kaiden, the world's biggest asshat! SCREW YOU ALL!" I shout at the top of my lungs, but no matter how hard I try, the downpour of the rain just drowns out my words.

"ARGH!" I scream, extremely frustrated.

I feel the already slanted floor dip to the side even more.

"You're a pathetic excuse for a redhead."

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.

I whip my head to sound of the irritating voice and lo and behold, the devil's reincarnate.

"Get the fuck out of here, Kaiden," I growl at him.

Kaiden. Kaiden and his weird name. Kaiden and his asshole mouth. Kaiden and his evilness. Kaiden and his smartass brain. Kaiden and his raven hair. Kaiden and his emerald eyes. Kaiden and his damn perfect jawline. Kaiden.

I. HATE. ALL. OF HIM.

ABSOLUTE-FUCKING-LY.

"That was a damn show, Scarlette. You could've at least told me to bring the popcorn," he says, while taking a seat next to me.

Why is he even up here? This tree house is called secret for a reason, dumbass. And he's not even allowed here. This tree house is KAIDEN-FREE to the extent that there's a sign posted at the very bottom of the stairs saying it. Is he here to still make fun of me? For goodness' sake, can he just shut his trap for once? Can he just find another person to annoy at the moment? Can he just fuck himself?

"Can you please just leave me alone?!" I cry out to him. I don't care if he thinks I'm weak or stupid. I just want to cry and cry until my eyes dry out.

When I look at him, Kaiden's face immediately transforms into one of regret. Noticing that he has gone too far, Kaiden shuts up.

I thought he'd take that as a cue to leave, but he stays where he is. We don't speak for a while. I just quietly continue to let my tears fall and he just continues to shut up. Good thing it was raining.

"Kaiden, you're getting wet, you dumbass," I say after what feels like an eternity. My voice comes out as scratchy and my throat feels dry from not speaking in so long.

"I appreciate the concern, Scar," he says with all the sarcasm in the world.

"I wasn't concerned about you, asshat. I'm concerned for the raindrops that are falling on you. I can hear their pleas from here. Ahhh! It burns! Help us!" I reply back to him. He glares at me in response.

"Poor things," I add.

"You're a bitch," he mutters darkly.

"Oh, tell me something I don't know."

I fold my legs together and face him. I didn't notice how long they have been dangling in midair until I felt pain shoot up them. I didn't let him notice though.

"Seriously, Kaiden, why are you here anyway? You want something I won't obviously give?"

Kaiden turns around and looks at me with his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Apparently, you're actually going to like this one, Scarlette Nixon Fegurson," he says with a wry smile. The way my name rolls of his tongue so smoothly totally gets under my skin. I smell something fishy going around here.

"And who authorized you to use my full name, Kaiden Blake Rodriguez?" I reply back, with the stoniest face I could pull off. Ugh, I hate him so much. Just looking at him pops an artery in me.

"Fine. Then I'll call you by your first," Kaiden replies, with a growing smirk on his lips. "Pathetic girl who's throwing herself at her best friend who is clearly not interested," he says.

Oh, that was low.

My left eye twitches and I seriously see red everywhere.

That's it. I've had it with this guy. I knew nothing good was going to happen between him and I.

"You know what? Go fuck yourself, Kaiden. I hope you rot in your sleep or that you combust into damn flames!" His face is still plastered with that stupid smirk and I want to slap him repeatedly. But I don't.

Instead, I stand up and stomp angrily towards the stairs. The whole tree house literally shakes because of me.

Is wanting to be alone a crime? Is wanting to cry all night a sin? Is wanting Kaiden to magically get eaten by a pack of vultures bad?

The mixture of my salty tears and the rain is so cold and slimy, but I feel as if I'm about to explode into lava.

"Wait!" he shouts.

I don't listen to him. And I would never ever listen to him.

"Scarlette!" he shouts over the rain.

My tears are running wild like a flash flood right now but as I'm about to descend the stairs, I hear something that makes me stop dead in my tracks.

"You want Ethan? Then be my girlfriend."

Wait, what?!

HI, GUUUUUYYYYSS! Okay, I'm kind of freaking out right now because this is my first cliche ever! I didn't know what took over me but yeah, I decided to do one! Tell me what your thoughts are! Thanks for reading! :)