You walk into the room, it's hot and stuffy, and people are dancing and talking. The music is loud, but not overly so. Sweat begins to form on your forehead, it's not from the music or the heat in the room…..no it's because of her. It's always because of her.
She's in the middle of the room, surrounded by people, but in her own little world all the same. She's dancing to the music, spinning and laughing as her body moves to the beat. Everything from her fingertips to her toes seems so loose….so free. Her limbs move about in a controlled chaos that should seem out of place, but the music makes it perfect. It's not even like the music is guiding her, she's commanding it.
She's turning a song you've heard a hundred times into something completely new, simply by moving in her own unique way, refusing to be restricted by the music. She embraces it, the beat, the rhythm, the lyrics…..everything. Then she makes it hers.
It's almost a crime for you to be watching her this way, a dancer like her belongs up on a stage dancing for a crowd of adoring people, not inside a too-small, too-hot, too-crowded room. You watch her every move, knowing that this is why you come to these dances, to admire her and yet envy her….because she can loosen up and dance freely.
You know you can't dance, and she knows it too. You simply can't loosen up like she does, you need structure, order, rules to follow. You need to set limits on yourself, and keep yourself safe. She doesn't.
You've tried to dance, tried to allow yourself to loosen up, but you can't. It's scary to you, like jumping out of a plane. You've got no stability, nothing to grab onto, and no one to catch you when you finally leap into the air. Somehow your brain tells you that letting go of control isn't a good thing, so you remain in your bubble of stability.
She's noticed, of course, and even tried to teach you to dance the way she does. She knows how to reach down into you and pull out a new person, completely devoid of all the fears and doubts that you've coated yourself with. She can take you, a block of marble, and make you beautiful.
She's patiently handled you with care, showing you steps, training your mind and spending hours teaching and reteaching. You feel embarrassed when you have to ask her to repeat the simplest of steps again, but all she does is take your hand and smile. She could have given up on you, she should have….but she stayed, even when it was clear to both of you that you would never be able to loosen up.
She always had a hand on you during your lessons, whether her fingers were in yours, or her hand was comfortably on your shoulder or back, or her hand was rubbing up and down your arms…as if by pure force she could loosen your muscles themselves. You didn't comment on how your hands seemed to fit together, or how right it felt to have her grip your shoulder and guide you. You were too busy trying to loosen up, she was putting so much work into making you…..you owed it to her to try, but you always failed.
She found another way, slow dances. They were made for conversation, so you didn't have to move much, you had to hold your partner close, and that's what you were good at….holding her close.
You snap out of your thoughts as the lights dim a bit and the last song of the night is played. Wordlessly she walks forward and you mirror her, until your fingers slip between hers and your other hand runs down her side, stopping at her hip. Her hand squeezes your shoulder and you both wordlessly sway speaking volumes simply by staring into one another's eyes.
You both are like atoms, connecting and sharing electrons to accomplish something greater, and you love it…..you love her.
When you dance with her, you can feel free for the first time. You can stare at her face, into her eyes and get lost for hours memorizing even the smallest of details. She always holds you, and you can depend on her.
Once the song ends and the lights come back on though, the moment ends just as quickly, and after a brief hug she walks away, back to her friends, back to her fearless life, back to a normal that is so very different from yours.
The next time you dance with her, it's outside under a gazeebo in the rain. The storm rages around you both, providing its own music. You could both be inside, where the real party is…where it's nice and warm and dry, but that would defeat the purpose.
You came out here to be alone, she was dancing with other people and you secretly hated it. Every single time you saw her in the arms of some nameless stranger, staring at her with nothing short of adoration in their eyes. It hurt you, because she's supposed to be yours.
Those strangers however, could dance. They could loosen up and keep up with her, and they didn't need to depend on her for guidance. They had the one thing that you aren't allowing yourself to have.
You decide to do the same, you dance with other girls, all of them as easily forgettable as last month's fad. You hear their names and see their faces, but they don't last in your brain. They aren't her…
So you sat under the gazeebo as the storm broke over you, a downpour of hurt and jealousy. What does it matter anyway? You think bitterly to yourself I can't…I won't…..loosen up, so I deserve this, and she deserves someone stronger, someone better.
You listen as the storm creates its own unique music, thunder and lightning, crashing and lighting up the sky, and the raindrops pattering off the roof of the structure. Structure you so desperately need…..structure that you feel safe under.
She finally comes for you after a while, walking through the rain barefoot. Her dress was wet and her hair was plastered to her face, and the lightning illuminated her form as she came closer, finally stopping in front of the gazeebo, letting the rain drip down her face. She reaches out to grab your hand, and you pause.
It's an offer…..an offer to join her, to let yourself get lost in the storm. You know that you could shake your head, and you know that she'd join you under the structure…..but that would be wrong.
As scary as stepping into the storm is for you, stepping into the structure is just as scary to her. She doesn't know if she can live like you do. Set, restricted, and following rules to the letter without adding anything personal.
So you reach out and slide your fingers into hers, pulling her into a dance as she pulls you out into the storm.
At first it's unnerving, hearing the wind, smelling the rain, jumping slightly as thunder roars overhead. It's all so wild, chaotic, and foreign to you. You feel the raindrops running down your face and misting up your glasses, and she removes them, tucking them into your pocket. You blink a bit, but suddenly without your glasses….you can see so much better, everything is so clear.
You hold her a bit tighter as the rain intensifies, suddenly afraid, because you don't know what's going to happen next. Thunder booms in your ears and you shudder as a cold wind caresses you, but she holds you, and one look into her eyes seems to communicate. I'm here, you're safe.
So you trust her, like you always have, and you even gain the courage to twirl her around. Not only letting her go, but also marveling at how the raindrops seem to slide off of her body. She returns to your arms and she rests her head on your shoulder. You walk back to the gazeebo and notice her tense at the patter of raindrops hitting the roof, not the grass or her. You pull back and look her in the eyes, noticing the uncertainty in them. She doesn't want to be under here, where it's so quiet and ordinary….but for you she will.
This time you hold her, letting her acclimate to the new environment, your environment. You lead her to a bench and sit down, and she leans her head onto your shoulder, tucking her feet under herself. Wordlessly you both watch the storm from the safety of the structure, and you hope she understands this is where you belong, watching the storm.
You both wait there, calmly and peacefully, with both of you adjusting to the other's world, until the buzzing of phones and the chatter of people leaving the dance bring you back to reality, and shatter a bubble that was just so recently expanded for two.
You both hug before you leave, trying to rebuild the bubble for a few more perfect moments. You both have shown the other the world you prefer to live in, you both have shown a side that the rest of the world is blind too.
As you release her, she walks back to her own world, outside in the storm. You stay in yours, inside the shelter.
However, when you walk out a few minutes later, the storm doesn't seem so bad anymore.
The third time you dance with her is the last time, before everything changes.
It's in a crowded place, and the last song of the night is playing.
You find her, and she gives you a knowing smile as she embraces you differently, she wraps her arms around your neck and your hands go to her hips. This is different…..but not bad. You think as you begin the familiar swaying motion. You take a deep shaky breath, and she gives you a knowing smile. You've both been changed by the last dance, and experiencing the other's world.
You know for a fact she'd follow you into your world, a world of structure and order, and a world where everything is planned out and detailed. She's shown you that you make it all bearable for her.
But that option is off the table for you, because by taking it…you'd force her to give up all she is. To surrender all that makes her the girl you love.
So you're left with the one option that terrifies you like nothing else could.
You must give up control, and live in the storm. She'll keep you safe, and you know that you can adapt to whatever the storm hits you with…..but you're still scared.
You meet her eyes and briefly wonder if she can see the fear in them, if she knows anything about the battle raging on inside your head right now. Her eyes suddenly squeeze shut, and you briefly wonder why.
She lunges forward, on her tiptoes, and her lips brush yours with such softness you briefly wonder if you just imagined it, and she didn't kiss you at all.
She looks down and hides her gaze from yours, and you pause the dance, standing still as a marble statue.
The music softly pounds in your ears, and the lemonade you drank earlier is flowing through your veins, the sugary drink is like an intoxicant to you and for a moment you blame it. The sugar got to your brain and is mixing fantasy with reality….that's it, that's the explanation.
You shake your head slightly, no…you suddenly don't want an explanation. You want to believe that the kiss actually happened, that it was driven by an out of control urge, that it came from her world…not yours.
Your hand leaves her waist and tilts her head back up to look at yours. Her eyes wander all over your face, unwilling to stare into yours until you capture and hold them. She opens her mouth but you shush her, you need to do this.
You lean forward and press your lips to hers, just as light. Your entire body is loose and for the first time…free. You've leapt off the point of no return, and for once…fear doesn't follow you down.
Her hands bury themselves into your clothing, pressing you close. Your bodies seem to meld together as you gently run a hand through her hair, twirling the strands around your fingers. You both press harder against the other's lips, as if by some mutual agreement, reassuring yourself that this is happening.
You both pull back for air, resting against the other's forehead for a second, before kissing again. Your mouths seem to meld together as the music reaches its crescendo. Your hands silently move around her, from her hips, to her sides, to her back, to her shoulders….all while hers do the same. You both are still silently swaying in the darkness of the room, not caring about the dance itself, but what the dance has created….it's created a doorway, into another world.
The music ends and you both remain still, trying to fortify your bubble so nothing gets in. Only your mouths are still moving, battling for control and dominance in a no win situation….because both of you have already won.
The lights slowly flicker on and you both pull away, unwilling to let the world in on what you both have discovered. You take a deep breath to calm your nerves and will your face to turn back to skin color instead of the dark red it currently is. She does the same before slipping out of your embrace, only to reenter it in the form of a hug.
You hug her back, lightly kissing her shoulder before pulling away.
She smiles at you, a pure love filled smile, and turns to walk away and you remain still. Unsure of what to do next, you've crossed a line tonight…and you can only move forward.
She then turns back and offers her hand, offers an invitation into her world, and you reach out to slip your fingers between hers. She walks beside you and smiles
"I knew I'd get you to loosen up."
I cried while writing this, so if you are crying while you read...it's okay my friend. This idea popped into my head, and wouldn't go away until I wrote it down.
I hope you enjoyed this One-shot story, and yes it will be and remain a One-shot...It won't be like Wonder(ing) White.
Please leave a review if you like this story, this is my first jab into the Romance category without mixing in Fantasy, so please tell me what you think!
As always please leave a review, please check out my other works (Inner Wolf, Inner Warrior will be updated soon), and have a great day! :)