1. he once told me he had an
absence of faith
as I laid curled up in our bed
the Bible open across my lap

he told me that as he plucked
the pages away from my fingers
and slowly began to lay me back
his scars felt rough as I touched them gently

2. he told me he often times found god
in our sex and that he wanted to beat me
black and blue to find out if he'd still speak to him
and some nights I'd find myself wondering
with his bones wrapped tightly around my throat

3. i promised him he could unbutton my jeans
in the back of my minivan one night
after he promised to wed me to the moon and stars
he whispered that virgins always were afraid
regret guilt lined pieces of work he loved
to shatter
as he lunged forward and plunged his hips to mine

4. i walked around for a week with both
a pain between my legs and a pain starting deep
in my little heart
i always knew he wanted to break my faith
just to break me

5. it was a cold February morning
head buried deep within my arms that
i got the courage to wave goodbye
even if it was a little too late.