I jabbed at my Gameboy Color while sitting on the bleachers. It was a free period and the football team was practicing down below. I had never really understood the game all that well, but I still cheered when our team would score. I sighed heavily and put down my Gameboy.
I give up.
"Omg, I have the same one." An excited voice came from behind me.
I turned to see a tall and really pale girl. She had her hair up in a messy bun and was wearing jeans and a plaid tank top. Of course she was one of those girls who could pull it off and manage to look like a model. She reached for my Gameboy as she sat down next to me followed by another guy with messy hair who was kind of attractive, in a geeky way.
"I'm Becky Tran, by the way." She smiled as she examined the hand held device.
I nodded awkwardly as I smiled. "Hi. I'm Millicent."
"Hi, Millie." She motioned toward the guy behind her who leaned back and stared down at the football team. "He's Nathaniel." She leaned forward towards me and whispered with a giggle. "He's weird, but okay."
I looked over shyly at Nathaniel who had just kept staring forward.
"OMG." Becky had taken the game out. "The Legend of Zelda?!" She turned to me and smiled widely. "Millie, you are now my new best friend."
I laughed and felt happy when she took me by the arm and pulled me along.
"Beck, wait up." Nathaniel jumped and quickly ran behind us.
At that time, I thought she was kidding, only I did become Becky's new best friend, just like that.
I looked up at the board not really taking in what Mrs. Bero, the math teacher, was saying. I only stared up at her until I noticed she had a slight lisp. I waited for her to say something with an 's', and it was confirmed. It was almost funny.
The bell rang and I had absolutely no idea what the class was about. I picked up my bag and stood up. My whole week had been this way. Hazy and off. Something always felt like it wasn't right.
As I reached behind my chair for my bag, my gaze turned towards the back of the room just enough to catch a glimpse of Hudson staring at me with accusing bloodshot eyes. I grazed lightly over his look like you would anything that wasn't important. I walked away realizing I was now numb to anything relevant to Hudson.
I hugged myself as I walked down the hallway, which was blurry to me, but not enough to not notice that everyone was staring. I knew everyone talked about me and Becky. I knew that they probably wished Becky had turned up instead of me. I was an invisible person, only known as 'Becky's friend'.
It was now my free period. I looked out the window in the hall way and saw Sandra and Nathaniel sitting there on a bench. Nathaniel sat there with his hands hanging between his thighs. He stared blankly ahead as Sandra prattled on with great emotion. Anyone else, who didn't know them as well as I did, would have seen this as a normal thing. But I noticed so many things were off about this picture. Sandra was wearing sweats. She never wore sweats. Her hair was wavy, which meant she didn't straighten it. She always did. Nathaniel had always acted like he didn't care about anything, but he was always secretly listening in. This time, he looked genuinely uninterested and blank. His hair was flat. He always tousled it to purposefully make it look messy. Everything looked so wrong.
Suddenly, Sandra caught eye of me staring and waved me over. Nathaniel stood up and looked me with surprise. It was his way of waving me over. I only hugged myself tighter and walked away.
I wasn't ready to talk to them.
For some reason I blamed them for what happened to us. Even though I knew deep inside, it wasn't their fault.
I looked down at the pattern of tiles in the hallway as I headed toward the football field. I tried my hardest not to look like I was avoiding the brown ones. It was a game Becky and I would always play.
I sat there at the top of the bleachers watching the football team practice. It was fall and it felt exactly like that time during freshman year when I had first met Becky and Nathaniel. I sighed and held back tears. I looked beside me at the emptiness. I could almost perfectly remember her as if she was sitting there next to me. I closed my eyes and just felt the wind on my face. I listened to the whistle of the coach and the rustle of the swaying trees.
I opened my eyes and looked at the football guys clearing towards the locker room. All but a blonde one, who looked up at me and began to make his way slowly up the bleachers.
I looked ahead as if I didn't see him.
He sat down next to me in his white gym clothes. I could see out of the corner of my eye the sweat glistening off of his skin and his blonde hair stuck to his face. He smelled like deodorant. Peppermint.
We sat there in silence until Matt sighed. He leaned forward and spoke. "I'm sorry."
I felt slightly surprised to hear him say that. I stayed quiet and looked down at my hands.
"I was high and misinterpreted the situation, I'm sorry." He hung his head and sighed.
I turned my face to look at him.
I slowly reached for his hand and I squeezed it. He looked up at me in surprise. He looked at my hand over his.
I sighed. "I know, it's okay."
I removed my hand and Matt sighed again. "How are you holding up?" He looked up at me as he said this.
"Well…" I looked off to the field. "You know… holding."
"You should let me walk you home." He turned to look at me. He was smiling, but his blue eyes looked sad. "I'll try to cheer you up a bit, somehow."
I chuckled. "But you live right across the street." I pointed over to a house across the parking lot.
A corner of his mouth lifted up. "So?"
I contemplated this for a second as the warning bell rang.
"Crap." Matt bolted up and looked at me. "I haven't showered." His eyes widened.
I laughed. "Go now, you still have 5 minutes." I stood up and he hesitated. "I'll wait for you at the front entrance."
Matt smiled and ran down the bleachers almost tripping over his own feet. I turned and walked down and back toward school.
When I reached the entrance, I headed for the bathrooms. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Sandra standing there fixing her make up.
"Millie." She looked at me through the mirror as she put down her eyeliner pencil and turned toward me. "Why did you leave?"
I didn't know what to say. Part of me was angry at them, and another wanted it to be all like it was before. Even though I knew it would never be like before. I hung my head and wrapped my arms around myself. "I just needed some time alone."
Sandra hung both of her hands down beside her and tilted her head. We ignored the second bell ringing and she looked at me with pleading eyes. "I understand why you would want time, but a month is enough." She came up to me and placed her hands on my shoulders. Sandra was shorter than me. I noticed her uncharacteristic brown roots. She squeezed my arms. "We miss you." I noticed water in her eyes.
I hugged her, but I didn't cry. I couldn't. She cried and hugged me tight. Seeing Sandra cry made me realize that I wasn't the only one who was hurting. We all were in some way.
The bathroom door suddenly flew open and in the door way stood a thin red head in jeans and a white Nirvana T-shirt. She froze once she saw me and then glared at Sandra.
Sandra looked up and wiped her tears. "What are you looking at?" Sandra was capable of scaring people with one look.
The girl scoffed and walked past us toward the sink. She avoided eye contact with me.
Shame. She felt shame.
Sandra quickly grabbed her things and put them into her make up bag. She grabbed my arm and let me toward the door. "Let's go, it stinks in here."
I tried to stifle a laugh as Sandra dragged me out of the bathrooms.
We walked rapidly down the hall. She shook her head. "I still don't understand why Hudson cheated on you with Katie Rivers." She made a face as if she had tasted something sour. "She's so gross."
I contemplated this, as much as I wanted to hate Katie, I understood why Hudson would go for her. I was a Plain Jane. I had nothing to me. Unlike Katie.
I remembered the first day I saw Katie Rivers. It was junior year. She was a freshman.
I was sitting with everyone during lunch.
"Hudson! Stop taking my fries!" Sandra screamed as she reached for the French fry Hudson was about to stick into his mouth. He laughed throwing his head back once Sandra left him empty handed.
"I'm serious!" Sandra moved her tray over to the side and then turned to look at me who was across from her. "Control him."
I only laughed shyly as Hudson winked at me from across the table.
I turned to see Becky whispering something to Nathaniel and then she smiled her pretty smile. That was when I saw her. A girl got up from her table walking her empty tray to the trash can. Her hair was dyed blonde then, but you could still see some strawberry blonde in it. Her jeans fit her body perfectly and she accentuated her figure by the way she walked. Shoulders back, hips forward, just like Becky. She seemed so pretty to me at the time. Her big blue eyes grazed over the people around her as she emptied her tray. She was beautiful, not as beautiful as Becky, but close.
"Why does Katie Rivers walk like she's got an itch?" Sandra peeked over her shoulder.
"Maybe she does." Becky whispered with a chuckle.
I giggled. "Guys, that's not nice."
Nathaniel leaned forward and crossed his arms on the table. He never ate in school. "She gives blow jobs in the boys' bathrooms."
"Ew!" Becky laughed and punched Nathan in the arm. "How do you know that?!"
Nathaniel tried to hold back a smile, but he failed.
"Oh my God! EW!" Becky slapped his arm and Nathan laughed.
I stared at the screen again without actually paying attention. Physics. I loved physics, but I couldn't pay attention.
Sandra tapped my shoulder from behind.
I turned and she passed a paper to me.
I opened it and saw a sketch of her falling asleep.
I chuckled.
Once the bell rang Sandra and I walked down towards the doors. "Are you taking the bus today?"
I shook my head, "Matt's walking me home."
Sandra lifted her eyebrows. "Matt? Our Matt?"
I nodded and kept walking.
"I saw you kissing him that day at the Labyrinth." She looked forward as she realized she had mentioned that specific day.
I nodded. "It was a misunderstanding. We're just friends." I shrugged and Sandra looked relieved when I continued the conversation without freaking out. I guess she expected me to have a flashback and cry.
"It was weird that he accepted to go that night, I mean, he stopped hanging out with us once he joined the football team." Sandra pouted as she hugged her Physics book to her chest.
I said nothing and we kept walking. We reached the entrance and almost all of the students had left. Sandra smiled and waved. "See you later, Millie!"
I smiled and waved back.
"I'll text you!" She said as a car pulled up driven by a bearded guy that I didn't know. He was probably her catch of the week. She got in and he pulled off as she waved out of the window.
The whole school was almost empty. I walked down the steps and sat down on a bench. I stared up at the road lined with trees in different colored leaves, ready to fall.
I had almost forgot how crappy life was for a split second.
At least you're alive. I told myself.
A breeze blew and sent chills up my whole body. I regretted wearing a skirt. Leggings o not, it was starting to get really cold. I turned towards the school when I heard the doors swing open. Out came Matt now in his normal clothes, jeans and a long sleeve maroon shirt. His backpack was over his left shoulder. "Well, I'll see you Friday night." He said to the pretty brunette next to him. Myrin Sanders. A cheerleader. She glared at me out of the corner of her eye and then gave Matt a smile. "Sure thing." She walked past me and walked toward the parking lot looking over her shoulder at Matt as he walked up to me.
I smiled awkwardly. "I didn't know you and Myrin were friends."
Matt laughed. "Hello, to you, too."
I smirked and began walking.
Matt followed. "Are you jealous, Millicent?"
I shrugged and shook my head. "Nope." We walked next to each other and Matt had a smug look on his face. "She seems like a nice girl."
Matt only laughed louder. "You are too nice for your own good, Millicent."
We walked in silence. I noticed Matthew was fidgeting with the keys in his pocket and the strap of his book bag.
I recalled what Sandra mentioned. "Matthew?"
Matt looked down at me and lifted an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"Can I ask you something…?" I immediately pointed a finger at him seriously the moment he opened his mouth. "And don't say 'you already did.'"
"Caught me." Matt laughed and shrugged. "Sure, whatever you want."
I grabbed a strand of my hair and rubbed the golden lock between my fingers. "Why did you go out with us that night?" I didn't look at him, but I felt the atmosphere tense up around us.
"Becky asked me." He stuck both his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground. "She called me and asked me to go. She said she wanted to take you out so you would be distracted from your thing with Hudson." I felt his stare on me. "She said she hated seeing you sad."
"But Becky had asked you to go out before, and you never had time ever since sophomore year." I looked up at him.
He looked away. "But it had never been for you."
I felt the hairs on my skin stand up. It felt so strange hearing this from Matthew. I hadn't the slightest clue why he was acting this way all of the sudden. In all the time I had known him, he was always the most distant one of the group. He joked around with everyone, but me.
Matt and I hardly spoke before. He only hung around Becky and the rest of us freshman year. The first time we ever spoke was Halloween our first semester. Nathan threw a Halloween party and Matt made fun of me for eating nachos with a fork.
"It's easier for me this way." I told him feeling my face burn up.
He frowned and shook his head. "How the hell?"
I shrugged and skillfully picked up a nacho with my plastic fork. He stared in amazement and shook his head as he laughed. "You're so fucking weird." I watched him walk off into the crowd leaving me with my fork in my hands. I remember being hurt even though I knew he didn't mean it in a bad way.
We arrived in silence at my front door and I turned to walk up my steps. Matt stared with his hands in his pockets.
I turned to look at him reaching for the knob of my door. "Thanks for walking me home." I smiled and turned toward my house. Matt suddenly grabbed my arm.
"Wait."
I looked up at him in surprise. "What is it?"
He hesitated and then looked at me in the eyes. "If you ever need anything, please call me."
I smiled and relaxed myself. "Thanks, Matt, I will."
He let go and reached for a strand of my hair. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"
I nodded slowly.
Matthew smiled one of his old smiles. "'Kay." He let go of my hair and began walking down the steps and back into the direction of the school.
I watched him walk away.
I noticed a man leaning by a tree with his back turned to me across the road. I squinted my eyes to see him more clearly and I felt my body go cold. My mind flashed back to that night.
It was the Strange Man.
I stood still in panic as I recalled the clothes he was wearing that night. He was wearing the exact same thing. Was this a joke? It couldn't be.
I rapidly fumbled for my keys as I tried to open the door.
The door flung open and I threw myself at my mom as she looked at me confused and scared.
"Honey! What's wrong?!" She gripped my shoulders and shook me.
"H-he's here!" I turned to look across the street and so did my mom.
"Who is?" She looked back terrified, but there wasn't anyone there.
I was shaking. He was gone.
"The strange man." I whispered and fell on my knees.
My mother went pale and closed the front door and locked it before pulling out her phone.
"Hello? Detective Swan?"
I sat there on the ground. Looking at my mom who was frantically saying things on the phone.
"She said he was outside our house…"
I mechanically walked up to my room. Ignoring Lauren who was asking me if I was okay. I shut myself in my room and I froze at the spot.
There, on my desk, was a picture. I took it hesitantly and examined it. It was a picture of me sitting at the booth that night at the Labyrinth. My back was turned and I was pouring the pinkish drink into the plant. I flipped it over slowly. There was a note.
It's rude to throw away a gift
The picture fell to the floor. I screamed.