The ambulance ride to the hospital is agonizing. I wish I had just let him speak, had listened to what he tried to say when he spoke.

.

"I know you fucked her!" she screamed at me, her voice cracking as she fell to her knees, water cascading down her flushed face. "Why won't you just tell me that you fucked her?"

.

We hit a pothole and the EMT checking his blood pressure swears. My thumping leg won't stop. It feels like it's rattling the whole ambulance.

I wish I was dying instead of him.

.

"Baby, I didn't touch her," I cry back, gasping as my lungs constrict. I hadn't touched her when I drunkenly drove her home from the staff's New Year's Eve party. I hadn't touched her when I tucked her into our bed with her clothes on. I hadn't touched her when I staggered downstairs and passed out on the couch.

If only she believed me.

.

When we finally reach the hospital, I watch as they hurriedly rush him into the ER, shoving a tube down his throat as they try to empty his stomach of the God knows how many pills he took.

.

I didn't try and stop her when she throwing random objects at me. "Easy, baby," I tried to placate her, even as she chucked a carving knife at my head. "Maybe I'm a liar, but I didn't do anything with her. I brought her home so nothing bad would happen to her. I swear!"

A cooking pot smashed into the wall behind me.

I knew I had to leave.

.

I messed this time. I wish I could take everything back.

.

She screamed for me to get out, her hands shoving me back as I tried to hold mine up in surrender. She wouldn't listen to reason. Would she really trust a lying, jealous coworker over her boyfriend of two years? I couldn't work it out.

.

They won't let me into his room where they're trying to save him. I can't shake this feeling now, that they're hiding his corpse from me. I guess I'll never know.

.

I stormed into the bathroom instead of leaving her alone in a home that isn't safe for her. Rummaging through the pills seemed like a good idea. They're the only thing she had faith in. Maybe I should put her faith in my stomach.

.

I buy a card from the gift shop downstairs, head back to the ER, and take my time trying to write something important to him.

The only thing I got to jot down on paper before a doctor came out to tell me his time of death was,

"I've only caused you pain, so I get why you'd do it to me."