It has been such a long time since I had a good night of sleep with sweet dreams, I'm only having nightmares nowadays. I tried to forget the bitter taste of fear and hate filling my senses by eating pastries, unexpectedly getting high on pure sugar. I chirped on a big piece of cake, the best quality ever made, while tears traced the contours of my cheeks. Now, I'm standing still, arms wrapped around my body into this silent darkness, too afraid to fall asleep, too tired to fight my demons back. I hear voices coming from the other side of my too much big house. Angered screams reach me and I top my ears to cover the sound. I helplessly try to shut them out, reminding that I'm not the object of that anger. Yet, I am aware that even if I try to ignore those guilty feelings, deep inside I've always known that had not been for my birth this mess would have never happened. A loud crash warns me that a glass or two must have been broken, maybe even a plate. I bit my lower lip trying to calm down as my breath gets faster and faster and I silently start crying, violently shaking, hurting to the very core of my existence. Why is this happening? Don't they know that it pains us all? I ask myself but I can find no answer. I keep my eyes shut, maybe reality will become an illusion and I'll be lost in a comatose state again. This is just another nightmare, hold on, you'll wake up…I tell myself, even though I know I'm lying. How pitiful, I am not even able to fool myself anymore, a weak child who cannot remember how to smile. My breath becomes heavier and faster, stress rising up along with the pitch of those screams. Please, make it stop. I just want to disappear, forget everything, become an unfeeling being and be saved from this agony. My hands obsessively grab my short hair pulling it and I clench my teeth tight. My body bends forward until my forehead makes contact with my knees, the only position in which I feel safe now. Then, suddenly, the commotion ceases all at once an I'm left into the deepest silence again. I slowly open my eyes and contemplate my whitened knuckles. I stretch my fingers and stare at my childish hands. There are red scratches where the nails have sunk into my skin and I wonder what sort of look must be on my face right now. I breathe in and laboriously get up. Shaky steps bring me to in front of a cracked mirror and through the broken piece of glass I see red eyes staring back at me.