Seeing that some people liked my somewhat sad stories, I decided to make another one. Special thanks to a friend of mine for suggesting some sad songs to help me get into the sad mood. Thanks Gladys!
She stood there, unsure what to say. Shuffling her feet, she looked down on the ground, not show how to begin or what to say. Silence was the only thing that rang in the air, as she stood there, contemplating whether to continue or just turn around.
But she knew that she was already committed. She knew that there was no turning back now. So with her heart beating fast and a quick tremble of nervousness that ripping through her body, she cleared her throat and took a deep breath before she shyly moved her gaze forward.
"Listen…" She began, her voice seeming to quiver as she said that. "…I know we haven't spoken to each other in a long time and practically, it was my fault. I'm sorry about that…I just thought…I just thought that I wasn't ready. But now…now I'm here." Adding a small smile, she tried her best not to let it fade.
Once more, there was a moment of silence as she paused, no response as she stood there and stared.
Not sure how to continue, she let her memories drift in hopes that it would help her continue. Stifling a giggle, she couldn't help but grin wider once more as she thought of a particular memory.
"You know, its kind off funny how I'm the one who's nervous right now." She said, the smile hiding the fact that there was a hint of sorrow in her eyes. "Usually, you're the one who's always nervous. Remember when we first met? Well, I do and I can tell you right now that you looked so nervous and unsure that it seemed like you were going to have a heart attack. You were such a loner back then, you know that? In fact, now that I think about it, you seemed nervous almost every time we hang out." She then shook her head. "That social anxiety of yours took a while to get rid of…but I'm glad you got over it."
"To bad we couldn't get rid that other bad habit of yours…" She said sadly, clutching her fist as she tried to control the surge of emotions within her.
"You know…" She said, her smile slowly vanishing as her eyes began to water. "…I never thought you could do it and I think it was stupid of you to have done it. It was like an on and off thing, so I just assumed that the phase would just fade away and you'll return to your normal self. And at first, it seemed like it did."
"But then I realized that you weren't okay…" Her voice now changed to a more aggressive tone, yet the expression on her face remained sad. "You said you were fine, that you were alright, but I knew. I saw it in your eyes, they weren't the same and I knew that you were still sad in the inside."
"Remember when you told me that secret of yours? The one with that bad habit? I got mad at you, didn't I? Told you that it was a stupid thing…" Clutching her fist, she felt like punching something. "…and it was stupid! To hurt yourself like that! I told you that you shouldn't be doing such things to yourself, that you weren't the only one with problems. But you just shrugged it off, saying that it was a rash action of your naïve former self. You said you would never do it again, you promised me you wouldn't. So why did you break it?"
"Don't you trust me?" She shouted, tears now streaming down her eyes and coating her cheeks. "Well, don't you? You should have told me that you were hurting…that you felt lonely. If you told me that I could have helped you. Like how you've always helped me…."
"You were always there for me when I needed something and because of everything you offered to me, I owe you so much. So why didn't you let me repay you?" Her voice trialed, as the sorrow began to sink in.
"You were always stubborn like that."
Shaking her head, she let out a long sigh. "If you just told me…If you told me, then maybe I would have made you feel better. But…I'm sorry for blaming this on you. I think this is partially my fault also. I shouldn't have waited for you to say something. I should have intervened the moment I noticed. I knew…and I should have done something. But I was too stupid. I didn't do anything, but wait."
The sudden surge of terrible memories flooded her, as the tears continued to stream. She couldn't help it anymore and she let it go.
Sniffling, she tried to wipe some of the tears away. "Do you know how horrifying it was to see you in that state? Well, I'll tell you...it broke me. It wasn't the blood, nor the limp body. No. It was the sight of someone who was usually happy and carefree being in such a state. That was what broke me. You probably never realized it, but you made a lot of people happy, you made me happy. But I guess what they say is true, that the happiest people are usually the loneliest."
Kneeling down on the ground, she raised her arm and ran her finger on the cold gravestone in front of her. "Hopefully you're happy wherever you are now, because you deserve it."
Staring at the stone for a while, she couldn't help but be memorize. She didn't know why, but for a moment, she just kept on staring.
But she knew that she soon had to go and when she got up, she bid the grave in front of her farewell.
"I know you don't want me to leave, but I can't stay here forever. But I promise I'll be back, I won't be avoiding you this time. So, goodbye for now..." She said with a sad smile. She wished that she could have said it to him in person, but instead she could only tell it to his grave.
"I guess I'll see you…"