Oh My Lord. What in hell am I doing?

Here I was in a perfect fairy tale wedding dress. Complete with tiara, veil and flowers in my elegant updo. My shoes were even outlined in tiny diamonds. The product a very posh upbringing. Everything about my upbringing taught me to be a respectable, well mannered young lady. I was screaming on the inside with all I couldn't, wasn't aloud to say. Contractions being one of them. I took great pride in using them in my mind.

How could I look in the mirror and not hate myself? I had fallen for this boy years ago but now I couldn't even say if I was actually in love with him. What did love feel like? I chanced a look outside the window of my room. Upstairs in a three story mansion, with a perfect garden view of course. A cardinal flew by. Why couldn't I be free like that little bird? So much to learn and see yet I was stuck like a bird with injured wings not able to fly. I dreamed of having freedom like that. Sighing I turned back to the mirror. Who was this person? This woman looking back at me, she looked like a beautiful dream part of a fairy tale. Straight from the pages in fact. Turning away I heard a soft knock at the door.

It is my sister. "Mom says I can't be a part of your wedding."

Automatically and almost mechanically I answer her with the response she wants. "Of course you can. It is my wedding and I say who is in it." Not that it really matters when your marriage is arranged. 'Who cares if you love him a lot? He is what you need in life, someone who will never leave you.' My mothers last words to me before the fake happy bachelorette party. She should be marrying him not me. I think she was more in love with him than I was.