Surrender to, and bear the pain,
Love can purify the murkiest of memories.
Through the somber summer rain,
Our laughter still persists.
When all is said and done and washed away,
Our love will still exist..
In the unforgiving blackness, where my demons ran amuck,
You became reality.
The arrest. The drugs. No more paths to take -
Overrun by the wreckage
That one phone call -
My last ditch.
The laughter in your voice and surprising familiarity -
You gave me hope and truly saved me.
Five years, such crazy times:
Graffiti walls, drunken fights,
Loud headboards, dancing in the twilight,
Dark humor, memories for a lifetime,
More ups than downs, but i grew weak and let go first.
The love was real. The truest of my life.
We were transformed, and
I'm forever grateful.
Best intentions can do more harm than good -
It's not a simple game we play.
It's easy to be misunderstood,
if we're careless of what's at stake.
Sometimes we confuse our lust for love -
An unfortunate mistake..
It began through unusual circumstances.
Yet, we took are chances.
I had none to lose, but you had two - ages three and five.
Winter months - such wild rides
Through the steepest slopes of the Poconos.
Our shouts still echo through the mountains.
The moans still echo through your sheets.
Snow angels. My closest look at fatherhood.
The memories still inspire.
Do their black and whites still hang?
I never meant to hurt you -
But it would've been wrong to only stay for them.
Your tainted tears still haunt me.
I'm sorry for what i did.
Some may walk through your cobwebbed doors,
Then disappear like wraiths.
Two destinies, both theirs and yours,
Intertwined, for just a gaze.
Love, kindled for just one moment, can still
Set your heart ablaze..
You conquered me with just your smile,
Those penetrating eyes. Your mind ran wild -
Such enthusiasm. Nothing was impossible.
The garden of serenity. The picnic filled with magic.
What i recorded for you, every word was true,
But i never told you everything.
A passage to India.
I could've said yes when you left, but i let you go.
You were set free. To change the world,
And brighten other destinies.
I'm glad he makes you happy.
Shrouded by the loneliness,
we should learn to look within.
But often times we persist,
for another heart to win.
Pleasure outweighs the risk,
until we lose it all again..
You said you wanted nothing,
while living in my room.
Late to the Mabon party,
adventuring for some shrooms.
Wine, and kitties, skirts so pretty,
i was infatuated.
A fake ID in new york city,
i can't believe we dated..
You said you wanted nothing,
but i dreamt that it could work.
From grove street to roser park,
you treated me like dirt.
Yet now i have to laugh,
for all the silly shit we did.
It's difficult to grasp,
the experience we both lived.
I was embittered, but now know better.
I'm learning to forgive..
Love is not a simple abstract form -
Pseudo or proven science -
An act to be performed.
Chemical reactions, as true as they may be,
Are but a single tear drop
in a sea (of universal alchemy)..
These are just a few of many memories.
The others are not forgotten - The one who ran from her disease,
And the ones i share my thoughts with over seas.
Do i believe in love? What do you believe?
For the one i'll love tomorrow -
We may have never met, or just don't know it yet,
But I'll love you when the earth stands still,
As i do right now.
Your existence in this winter chill,
the warmth that it allows.
This tingling in my mind, a sprinkling of your tears.
Keep me in your thoughts and I'll find you -
Whether in this life or the next.
13 February, 2016/2018
"Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven
"Take Off Your Cool" by Andre 3000
"Strangers On A Train" by Lovage
"Wicked Games" by The Weeknd
"Crystalised" by The xx
"Swoon" by Rising Appalachia
"Stand By Me" by Ben E. King
"Come Alive" by Foo Fighters