Chapter 1

Bob's an idiot

Bob finishes unpacking the last box, wiping the sweat from his brow. He looks out his kitchen window at his new gated neighborhood. He shakes his head still amazed he was able to buy the one bedroom house at such an amazing price. Bob's musing was cut short by the sound of his stomach growling. He looks around scratching his head, not knowing any local restaurants that deliver he decided to run to the small market that provided groceries for the community. He grabs his keys and phone off the table shutting the door behind him.

Bob pulls one of the carts from the holder, pushing the cart down the nearest isle. Checking the cans Bob reaches for the can of odd looking tuna. "Beware the tuna" he hears a voice behind him mumble. Bob turns startled by a well dressed man in a suit. "Uh thanks, I'm Bob I just moved into the neighborhood" Bob holds his hand for the man to shake. The man arches his eyebrow at Bob's hand before holding out his own, "Pan, seriously Bob don't eat the tuna." The man urges as he exits the isle. "What a nice fellow" Bob says to himself as he puts the tuna back, picking up the shredded crab instead.

"Should we go with cheerios or Bran Flakes of despair," a tall man questions a bored looking woman. "I don't give a damn Lucy, if I could trust you to come back with actual groceries I wouldn't have to be here." The woman throws her hands in the air in frustration. "So I picked up a hell beast instead of groceries, sue me it was one time Lil!" The woman named Lil face palmed in frustration making a noise that sounded like a dying bird. Bob shakes his head glad he is single. Continuing to the next isle he picks up a few more groceries.

A little bit later Bob finishes his shopping trip, standing in line he overhears a couple women talking in front of him. "Have you seen Colonel Sanders new cooking show, it is amazing. Tonight's show is about the best dishes to take to a potluck dinner." Bob stops listening to the women as the wheels begin to turn in his head. Pot luck would be the perfect way to meet the neighbors. Bob rushes home to begin his planning; starting with watching this Colonel Sanders cooking show the women were talking about.

"This is the ghost of Colonel Sanders here, time to talk about those perfect dishes to bring to your neighborhood pot luck." Bob takes out a pen and notebook furiously writing notes. At the end of the thirty minute show Bob had several pages of notes and a great plan for his potluck dinner. Now all I have to do is send out the invitations to the neighbors.

-A few days later

"Lucy, who the hell is Bob and why are we invited to his potluck," Lil asked confusion lacing her voice. "I don't know Lil," Lucy responds in a gruff voice. Lil arches her eyebrow "well I guess we will go to the potluck it's this Saturday." Lucy shrugs his shoulders returning to his soccer game. "You better keep it on soccer Lucy, I blocked the home shopping channels." Lucy jumps up from his seat, "What the hell Lil?" Lil shakes her head, "You bought a possessed Pez dispenser." Lucy huffs, "if you saw the marketing for the dispenser you would have bought it also Lil." Lil rubs her face in frustration, "You have a problem Lucy, no more shopping." Lucy huffs sitting back in his chair mumbling, "buy one hell beast and a possessed Pez dispenser and it's the end of the world." Lil walks past rolling her eyes mumbling about a lack of self control, "Lil, I have self control, I didn't buy the flying monkeys at the estate sale for the wicked witch!" Lil stops, pinching the bridge of her nose as a headache begins to form, "why did I marry this idiot."

Checking her mail Eris is surprised to find an invitation to a party. "Who the hell is Bob," still confused about being invited to a potluck Eris shrugs. Ever since the whole fortune cookie incident that resulted in a heard of wild unicorns rushing through the local doughnut shop to trample the antichrist on his birthday, Eris hasn't exactly had many invites. Noticing the potluck was for the entire neighborhood a devious plan begins to form. Eris smirks figuring if her plan went to hell she could probably hop over to the next dimension and be all right.

Browsing his Facebook page Pan notices a message pop up in the corner of his browser. Sighing in annoyance he opens the message "Hey Pan! It's Bob, you know the guy you told not to eat the tuna!" Pan closes his eyes with a sigh, "Should have let the idiot eat the cursed tuna" he mumbles to himself. What do you want Bob? Pan returns to browsing his news feed when another message from Bob pops up I'm having a neighborhood potluck Saturday, it would be great if you could come it starts at noon! See you there. Pan sighs knowing what a horrible idea this was, I definitely should have let him eat the cursed tuna. Closing out of his face book Pan pulls up his go to real estate website knowing the neighborhood will probably be destroyed….again Saturday.

Bob smiles happily, super excited to meet his new neighbors on Saturday.