Cookies of Despair
Bob places the last few lawn chairs in his backyard early Saturday morning. Returning inside Bob pulls the sides Colonel Sanders recommended cooking out of the oven. Glancing at the T.V. he catches the local news story. "And in other news we just received word on a developing story it seems a popular local drag queen that works at Dairy Queen picked up an ancient book cursed by a demonic entity and is now wreaking havoc in the Wal-Mart parking lot. We have reporters on their way to the scene, tune in later for further developments."
Bob hums to himself glad the local news channel throws in humorous fake stories to keep the locals entertained. Checking the time Bob notices guest should begin arriving soon. He puts the finishing touches on his food when the doorbell rings. Throwing his front door open with glee Bob is surprised when there is no one at the door. Hearing a throat clear Bob looks down at a three foot tall man dressed in green. "Hi I'm, Alby O' Brien you must be Bob." Bob holds his hand out for Alby, offering to take his dish from him. "It's great to meet you Alby you are the first to arrive." Bob places Alby's dish with his own as he begins to show Alby around the house.
A minute into the tour the door bell rings again, Bob rushes to the front door excited his neighbors are actually showing up to his potluck. Opening the door he sees the familiar faces of Lucy and Lil from the supermarket. "I brought cookies of despair," Lucy grumbles in a menacing voice while Lil rolls her eyes. "Thanks so much I'm sure they are amazing cookies," Bob replies as he ushers the couple into the house. What a wonderful neighborhood Bob says to himself.
Fifteen minutes later Bob's house is abuzz with several of his neighbors who are sharing food. Bob decides it is time to mingle when he notices Pan standing next to Alby. "So that is when Jesus and the unicorn walked in with deviled eggs, of course Lucy was pissed which is when Wildwood street burnt down." Alby hums as he rubs his chin finally getting the real story. "Now I see why Lucy was so mad when I ordered eggs for breakfast." Bob enters the conversation slightly confused as to what was being discussed, "Hi Pan, glad you could make it to the potluck." Pan nods patting Bob on the shoulder, "you are a brave man Bob, I hope this will not be your last act." Bob shrugs glad for the complement, "thanks Pan I'm glad you enjoy the potluck so much you want me to have another one." Bob waves walking away from a shocked Pan and Alby, "Uh Pan do you have that real estate website handy, I think I need to find a new house." Pan nods as the pair slowly sneak away from what is sure to be chaos. Unbeknownst to the party goers a beautiful woman hides in the tree munching on a golden apple with a devious smirk, "let's really get this party started."
Bob continues to mingle with his awestruck guests when he comes to the group with Lil and Lucy. "I'm so happy that jerk moved out of the neighborhood." Lucy grumbles to the small group. "Well Lucy you did burn the entire neighborhood down so he didn't have much of a choice," a bored Lil grumbles as she checks her nails. "I didn't burn it down the possessed Pez dispenser I gave to him went a little crazy," Lucy shrugs with a proud smirk glad his investment came in handy. Lil rolls her eyes leaving the group to talk to her friends Hera and Athena.
"Hey guys, how do you like the pot luck, great cookies by the way Lucy" Bob smiles gleefully waving one of Lucy's cookies to the group. The group becomes silent from shock, "Uh Bob how many cookies have you eaten" Lucy questions. "This is probably number four or five," Bob scratches his head with his free hand counting the cookies in his head. Lucy's mouth drops in shock as his left eye begins to twitch in panic "Bob not to alarm you but you should have died after eating the first cookie." Bob smiles laughing, "I have died and gone to heaven because these cookies are fantastic Lucy. Well I have more guests to mingle with see you later." Bob walks away from the shocked group with a small wave. "Lucifer aren't those cookies the ones that can kill a demon if they eat more than one," Loki questions still in shock. Lucifer nods not sure what the hell just happened, "he ate four, I must have him work for me." Lucy mumbles plotting how to seize his new ultimate weapon known as Bob.
"Lilith didn't know what to wear so she wore nothing to the party," Hera cackles retelling her favorite college story with her old friend. Lil rolls her eyes at Hera's joy, "we ended up at an abandon wear house where they started to give Lil a lot of shit so she pulled a stiletto out of her purse and went to town," Hera gulps in air crying with laughter. "I felt no remorse as the warehouse burst into flames," Lilith chuckles with a fond smile high fiving Hera. Bob enters the conversation welcoming the women to his potluck, "Lil the cookies you two brought are amazing I have to get the recipe before you leave." The women look at Bob in shock, "uh sure Bob." Lil mumbles still in shock about Bob eating the cookies.
The party continues without incident, Bob still being alive after eating Lucifer's cookies being the topic of the hour. The patrons of the party started a betting pool on the timing of Bob's death from the cookies so far most of the patrons have lost. Bob sits down in the lawn chair glad everyone was having such a pleasant time.