If Only

Katie D. Johnson

If only I liked alcohol;

I'd drown my sorrows until the poison flushed the blood from my veins.

If only I wasn't allergic to cigarettes;

I'd chase the oxygen from my lungs with the tar's raw destruction.

If only I loved a little less;

I'd jump from my highest flight and plunge into abysmal waters to wash my existence away.

But I hate the taste of alcohol.

But I hate everything about cigarettes.

But I love those around me so much more than I love myself.

So I flush my blood onto paper.

I chase my breath into ink.

I fly with my mask and clay wings;

One day I may reach the sun and crash and burn.

But for now,

I'll keep my darkness contained to the ink and paper of my soul.