I feel hopeless. sad. worried and above all, hopeless. I live in a daily hell.

I am not in school. I am autistic, and school was hell, too.

I would cry everyday. I would scream and be prone to throwing meltdowns.

In these meltdowns, I would hurt myself, like banging my head against a wall or desk. For hours, my meltdown of crying screaming and hurting myself seemed like it would never end!

Not all autistics are good at or even like math. I am autistic, and i hate math. i am horrible at math. i fail in math. in fact, i suck at everything academic.

You may call me high-functioning because i can eat by myself, clothe myself, bathe myself and use a computer. but i am horrible at other things.

This makes my parents sad. For instance, i couldn't type fast on a keyboard or write very well since i was little. i also cannot live independently, I need somebody to watch me everyday.

i am not in school. all my friends are far away (a 30-80-minute drive away from my house). And in fact, the last few years I've had were pure hell.

I would be on the computer all day, looking at free stock photos and free mp3 sounds to make shit i could sell for money. I would try many different websites in a desperate attempt to find a way to make cash. Every day is hell!

I even thought about computer programming. didn't even grasp the basics or earn any money. i read very few books, but every day i felt worse and worse and worse. Every day is hell!

How am I still alive at this point? i've quit all that dreadful past shit out, but everyday i feel much worse. Every day is hell!

Please pray for me. My body and head was aching in sadness and pain as i wrote this.

Now, my dear, let's send this world back into the abyss.

Love, an autistic angel. PS I am not in school to this day. Every day is truly hell. Thank you for your cooperation.