Rage is one of the worst dispositions ever.
When someone says something just right, and you're in a really bad funk, it is like oil and fire, creating a destructive inferno.
Well, I confess that I got really angry today and ended up using God's name in vain many times in a fit of rage. Being called a hypocrite for dawdling around instead of doing what I said I was going to do invoked my wrath.
Our flesh always wants to cause trouble. My flesh got the best of me and I flipped out like an idiot. Oh how I hate that side of me! I know God is merciful, and I just had to disavow my ridiculous fit, and I could ask God for forgiveness and move on.
The flesh is inherently selfish, and I was a big self-pity machine for about a half-hour or so. I wanted to feel justified for my obviously unwarranted burst of fiery rage. I wanted to feel like I was right for inflicting hurt and pain on the 'perpetrator.' (The 'perpetrator' was right about me being a hypocrite.)
Guilt was the next thing that silenced me from even asking God for forgiveness. I literally thought I committed blasphemy in the Holy Spirit, because I told Jesus to get lost, essentially. I obviously knew that wasn't true, yet I still despaired for awhile.
I am never going to be as perfect as I want to be. God is okay with that. I am prone to slipups like any new Christian is. When I fall over, I have to let God pick me up. I cannot make myself better. I have to trust God to make me better in these things. I am never going to always do the right thing, but God is there to lift me up when I fall.
With contrition, Dr. Christian.