I wish I had words to express

Why I Can't Give Up.

I'm not resilient

Nor am I steadfast

Or even stubborn

I'm just well-trained.

I fit well in the mold.

Do this

Do that

Do it faster

Do that better

Do it faster than him

Do that better than her.

You're never going to an Ivy

Without ever having taken AP science

Oh my GOD you NEVER took AP science?

Well I don't know

What to tell you but

You're SCREWED without AP science.

But I don't even care.

Frankly, the words "Ivy League"

Just vaguely remind me of POKEMONNNNN

And yeah I respect education

And all

But why do I wanna go there

And feel dumb

When I'm not?

I'm just tired

And tired of being tired

And tired of paying for moments of happiness

With sleep deprivation.

I can't have a weekend

Because it's full of homework

Catching up

Getting ahead

Meeting deadlines

And for the past four months I kept thinking

"Next week will be easier"

And it hasn't been.

"Next week"

"Next month"

"I'll have finished this"

"That will be over"

"I'll be done with that"

No.

Never done.

Always stressed.

Always frantic.

Always forgetting something

Because I'm so tired

And you can't use tired as an excuse

Because EVERYONE is EXHAUSTED

But why?

Why are we?

It's inhuman.

I hate this

Because I love my education

But the pressure is killing me

And I just contemplate my mortality all the time

So fragile. So short.

I shouldn't spend so much time stressed out

It's not worth it in the long run

But I'm all about the short run success

And count on that short run success to ensure

My long run is perfect too.

Perfect.

Mortals can't be perfect.

We're a catch breath

In between bars

Of a universal melody of Life

That really has no meaning

Unless you make it have one.

But I don't have time

To do that right now

Because I have an AP English exam tomorrow

8:57 a.m.

And I have not studied

Because I had the audacity

To want to celebrate Easter with my family.

That's almost as bad as not taking an AP science,

you know.