My collarbone was broken and I had to be put in coma for two days due to the heavy blood loss. The docs said that I could've died if I hadn't gotten to the hospital that fast. Apparently, I had been incredibly lucky; it was a matter of seconds that saved me they said. But was I really lucky? Was I? I witnessed how someone killed themselves not to mention that I was partially to blame for that death.
If I hadn't interfered, Jerry would still be alive. Paul would be on the run but one live could've been saved, right?
Yes, I blamed myself. Pathetically, I hoped someone would raise the burden off my shoulders and take the blame away from me, but it only got worse when I was released from the hospital; "What were you thinking!?" Mom said dropping my bag on the ground, the moment I stepped into our house.
During my five day stay in the hospital, neither of my parents had spoken of the incident, only reported that Paul was arrested and my phone was found. I'd wondered why they hadn't asked about anything. But knowing my worried parents, I could tell the interrogation would follow sooner or later.
"You could've died!"
"I know," I mumbled, stroking my cast, "I just…"
"Just?" Mom yelled, "you were involved with a murderer!"
I glanced up at her words, "Murderer? Did he confess? How do you know he's a murderer? Did he tell that he killed Emma?"
Mom froze on the way to the kitchen and spun back around to look at me "what?" She asked, "what…did you just say?"
My gaze traveled back and forth between my parents faces, their confusion surprised me. "You…I thought he….didn't he..."
"Emily, Paul is not someone to hang around with, he was in prison for over ten years. He killed a sale's clerk." Dad spoke lowly, "one of my colleagues is his lawyer."
That rang a bell. Where had I seen Paul first? It was in the elevator in the building where Dad worked.
"But...why did you say this about Emma?"
"Hasn't the police let you listen to the record on my phone?"
Mom grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen where she pushed down me on a chair. "why?"
"I recorded everything, that's why I went there in the first place. I got him and…Jerry to talk about what they did! Paul thinks Emma saw Jerry with cocaine, so he decided to kill her. His truck pushed her down the cliff! She didn't just have an accident."
"Okay okay, calm down." Dad patted my arm, "how did you know all of that?" He frowned, "no one ever said she killed herself or drove recklessly, there was just no sign, trace.. nothing leading to further suspicions."
"Yet you still thought her death wasn't just an accident, right Dad?"
"How did you know?"
"Remember when we left to the library, you read this book…I…I just knew right away."
My father sighed and looked down, I don't know why he never spoke about this issue with us, but then again, hadn't I made the same mistake? I hadn't told Mom and Dad about what I knew and that mistake almost got me killed. As I saw their dark demeanor I felt horrible and nothing but regret.
"That still doesn't answer my question, Emily." Dad said after clearing his throat, "How did you know?"
Good question, how did I know? I looked into the faces of the people who loved me the most and knew I couldn't say a word about Emma's reappearance not even about my dreams. But I had to say something, they deserved to know why they almost lost the only child they had left.
"I…remembered her mentioning something. From the first day I felt something was wrong about this accident story but then…I remembered how she spoke of something, how she said she once saw Jerry with Paul at school and how Jerry held some weird white stuff. That got me thinking."
Of course that wasn't entirely the truth. Emma had totally forgotten about this and if I hadn't dreamed about it, I'd still be as clueless about her death as before. But Mom and Dad wouldn't know, right? I was the only one who could talk to Emma…well- besides Dr. Jenson- but I doubted my sister would tell the doc to set things clear.
Of course my parents looked at me like I turned purple, but I forced myself to explain everything like I actually believed it to be true. There was the fear of my parents not buying it, I was the open book after all. But I bet the situation was crazy enough for them to believe the crazy story I told. I said that I did some research about Jerry and Paul, that Nat was suspicious about Paul and worried about her friend, that I found out about the Julius kid who passed due to drug abuse and so on.
Dad and Mom listened patiently without interrupting once. They asked some questions but gladly I didn't have to give an answer like 'my instincts told me so'. I said that, remembering what Emma had said triggered everything and that this memory wouldn't leave me alone. I couldn't explain why I had remembered it so late, but fortunately my parents didn't ask about that.
After I finished talking Mom and Dad stayed quiet. I guess they needed to digest the fact that Emma was killed, that she could still be around if it weren't for Paul and Jerry. I didn't push it, neither did I add more details or thoughts, I just wanted everything to be over.
"Well Paul is currently with the police, I'll make some calls to see what he said about your sister." Dad said and tried a weak smile, "I am disappointed though."
"Why?! You risked your life, you could've spoken to us! You should've said something!"
"I…I didn't know if you'd believe me," I whispered.
"Of course we'd believe you." Mom said as she buried her face in her hands.
"If you knew that I was suspecting Emma's death to be more than an accident, why hadn't you spoken to me? Did we ever distrust you? Did we ever give you reasons to fear disbelief from us?"
"No." I said fighting the tears. I knew I'd hurt them big time. "I….I was scared you guys could get hurt too." That was all I could say before I broke in tears . Mom got up and embraced me. Dad stood there for about a second 'till he also hugged me.
"Promise us, that you'll never keep anything from us again. We'll always have your back."
I nodded with a sob.
"And," Mom cried too, "promise you'll never put yourself in danger again."
Dad was desperate saying he wasn't man enough to keep his family safe. Even if it wasn't him who screwed up but me. I realized that my stubbornness had caused all of this to happen; if I had spoken to my father, Jerry could still be alive, my collarbone would be fine and Rob would've never gotten involved.
Rob I sighed. Of course I missed him and wondered why he didn't contact me after what happened. All I knew was that the mayor wanted to give him some kind of medal, for saving my life and bringing Paul to justice, apparently Rob was totally fine. I learned that from Nathalie , who came to visit just a day after I returned home.
"I wish I hadn't told you about the construction site." We'd gone up to my room after she'd given me the tightest of all hugs and asked me repeatedly how I was doing. She sat down on my rocking chair in my room and glanced at her folded hands, "everyone at school is going crazy because of what happened." She smiled slightly, "I even went to Emma's grave today and apologized for not realizing what kind of person Paul and even Jerry was."
I thought of Emma, and swallowed my concern. I hadn't seen her since I was at the construction site, that worried me.
"I don't think Emma would hold anything against you," I tried reassuring my friend, "no one could've known what those two had been up to."
"But you did," she said glancing up with a frown. "You even went to record their conversation. How come you did that? Did you suspect Paul too?"
I nodded. "Honestly, I even felt weird about Jerry." I repeated the story about Emma remembering what she saw. Nat bought it like my parents had, and that really was a relief. Since I was such a bad liar, I could almost see people asking questions, causing to discover my lies; why would someone like me who randomly remembered something her sister told her before she died, do anything about drug abuse that probably took place at school? Especially if there had already been a case of drug abuse in our school? Either my lying abilities had really improved or -what I thought was more plausible- the recent events had shocked everyone so much that it kept them from thinking straight. Including the police, who heard just the same story as my parents and now Nat did.
Two officers had stopped by yesterday, asking some questions and informing us how their investigation went on. Everything seemed to work out. No one suspected a third party involved and the record on my phone was going to be used in court too. Apparently everything seemed to end well, somehow it should. Paul was arrested after all but there were many other things which had to be taken care off; I felt everything but well, more desperate than ever...
"Don't feel bad Nat." I mumbled after a moment of silence and sat on my bed, "without you, we'd still be in danger. Even if Jerry would be alive."
"I can't believe he…" She sniffed and fought the tears. "How could he?"
But I shook my head quickly and got back up, "he was a victim too. I am sure he didn't want this and sure as hell he never wanted Emma or this Julius kid to die."
Nat nodded, "I hope you're right. It's just that, the guy I considered a friend ended up being the murdered of my best friend. How is that even possible?"
I sighed and patted Nat's shoulder, "hey, Jerry didn't kill anyone. It was Paul who killed my sister. Not Jerry. He was just under the wrong influence."
"Does that keep him from thinking? Does a bad influence cause one to be blind? Blind enough to miss the difference between right and wrong? He should've stopped this! The moment Emma died, he should've seen that they were going too far and where this was leading to!"
"But Paul controlled Jerry too! He threatened to kill him if he ditched out on him. I think Jerry was terrified." Nat didn't listen to my words. She just sat there , shaking her head and blinded by tears she continuously called herself a bad friend and that she should've known what was going on.
I was helpless as I saw her cry, she didn't see it. No matter how innocent she was, she would still blame herself. Although it was me who could've saved Jerry if only I had been open to my father. Of course he would've listened! What had I been thinking? Now Dad blamed himself, Nat blamed herself but only I was to blame. I killed Jerry. I may not have pulled the trigger but I provoked it. I did it. Only I.
"What are you thinking of?" With questioning eyes, Nat gazed at me as I stood before her, biting my lip.
I shrugged and waved my hand in the air dismissively. "Just stuff…so you said everyone's going crazy at school?"
"Yeah they are."
"Even…Rob?" I said not looking at her.
"Rob?" Nat asked. "Well, he's the hero now, everyone's looking at him with different eyes. Not as the cold jerk that most thought he is."
He is a cold jerk. He didn't even call! I thought to myself.
"I still can't believe he saved you like this."
"I still can't believe he knew where to find me."
Nat's head snapped up, "what do you mean?"
"He appeared there out of nowhere, with his dog Sparky."
"I thought you told him you were going there."
I shook my head.
"Well…he called me that night."
I frowned, "really?"
Nat nodded. "Actually, he called asking if you were in. When I told him that you weren't ,he asked what you and I discussed earlier that day. I guess he saw how worked up you were after I told you about the construction site and such. So I told him about the site…and so on"
"You mentioned the site?"
Nat nodded. "But I didn't say which construction site. He just said I have to call the cops if he didn't call after an hour or so."
So it wasn't just a coincidence that he walked his dog in this area like I thought? Did Emma know about that?
"Everything okay?" Nat asked after seeing my frozen face, "did I say something wrong?"
"No." I shook my head, "I was just surprised to see him there that day, that's all. Thanks for calling them."
"Of course," Nat said with a sad smile, "Guess I had a good timing."
I nodded, "yep ,you did."
"Didn't Rob tell you that?"
No he didn't coz I hadn't seen him since forever. But I wasn't going to tell her that. I just shook my head and tried to let it go but deep inside I was furious;
first he didn't believe me, condemned me as some kind of crazy psycho but then he does go to the construction site? How come he didn't believe me when I told him Paul and Jerry are up to something but believed Nat right away? What am I to him? Brain dead?
"Did you tell him what was going on at the construction site?
Nat shook her head, "I only said that I mentioned that place to you, he didn't ask what it was about. Honestly, I didn't want to tell him about Jerry and so on..."
So he was only assuming? That made no sense. Why on earth would he go to that construction site with his dog? Why did he wear that stupid armor? How did this all come together. As confused as I was, I needed to think logically, and find the answers by demanding them instead of cursing myself an idiot who didn't understand her own game anymore.
Nathalie had lead me a bit closer to closure but it wasn't her who had to solve this riddle but Rob himself.
I needed to see him now.
"Nat, do you think you could drop me off at Rob's?"
My friend nodded with a slight frown but didn't ask what this was about.
Frankly, I didn't know how to confront Rob; or how to even face him. My heart was beating as Nat turned into his street. Very soon, I'd see him again, hear his voice, see his face and look into his icy eyes. The last time I saw him, he took a bullet for me, the time before that he said he never wanted to have anything to do with me again. Now I sought him for answers, but selfishly I also sought him because I could no longer stand being away from him.
I said my goodbyes to Nat and got out of the car, I felt cold despite the hot weather. And looked at his mansion with fear; like a monster it gawked at me, however the monster wasn't the building or even the guy who lived in it, but myself and the irresistible longing I had for him. Minutes later, I finally got hold of my breath and made my way to his door. I knocked twice and took a few steps back, like a short distance between the door and me could help.
However, I already knew that nothing was going to help, the moment I heard his footsteps, I began to tremble and my heart hammered heavily in my chest.
The door opened, and a pale guy stood before me.
Deep shades were under his small eyes, his hair was a mess like he just woke up but the icy color in his eyes, was still the familiar shade that I had longed to see so much.
"Emily." He didn't sound surprised, he sighed my name and I wondered if it was a bad sign. I already felt discouraged about everything, but still knew that I needed to get through with this. I deserved to know what happened, and he'd give me the answers whether he'd like it or not. "I need to speak with you, may I come in?"
Rob bit his lower lip. Was he seriously debating with himself whether to let me in or not?
I sighed in fake annoyance and tilted my head, "don't worry I'll leave you alone when I spoke to you."
Now he glanced up with a frown, was it me or did he look hurt?
"You'll leave me alone?" He mumbled but finally stepped aside to let me in.
I nodded and walked inside, where Sparky already greeted me. Much to my relief she seemed to be okay, I worried the dog had gotten hurt while trying to save me.
Rob led me to the living room, where he turned off the T.V and offered me a seat.
As he glanced at the ground with a frown , he was waiting patiently for me to speak,.
"You can probably imagine why I am here." I mumbled self-consciously.
"How's your arm?" He asked, ignoring my words.
I shrugged in response, "it's fine what about you and Sparky?"
Now he shrugged, "we're okay too."
I cleared my throat, wishing something could warm up the tense atmosphere. Now I almost wished the stuck up jerk back who made me feel stupid, that had still been better as this statue that only resembled Rob but barely seemed to be him. I figured that he was as uncomfortable as me, so I took a deep breath as I decided to just get it over with and looked him straight in the eye.
"First of all, I want to thank you for saving my life. The docs said if you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have made it."
"If I hadn't been there, Paul would've just shot you." Rob remarked. I nodded with a deep sigh and continued. "So anyway, thanks for that. I owe you my life and then I'd like to ask you what exactly happened that night. Not with me but with you. How did you know where to find me? And why on earth did you wear an armor?"
"I told you the armor is my dad's he used to be with the police."
I raised a brow, "that still doesn't explain why you wore it."
My classmate took a deep breath and slowly looked up. He folded and unfolded his hands as he tried to find the right words. He seemed nervous to me, maybe even scared.
"You don't know? Rob I want to know the truth!"
"Do you think I don't?!" He snapped and jumped up, with trembling fists he paced back and forth never failing to pierce me with his icy glare. "I could stab myself for not knowing! I can't sleep, I can't eat! I can't think straight! Because of my stubbornness, Jerry is dead and you almost died. And now you show up demanding answers and thanking me?!"
I sat there feeling absolutely confused. What did this guy get so worked up about?
" Well, what do you want me to do huh?" I asked, raising my voice too, "I want to know how you knew where to find me and why you wore that damn armor."
"I am telling you! I don't know!" He dropped back on his arm chair and buried his face in his hands.
I was startled and confused. I'd expected everything but this outburst. Seriously, I thought he'd shrug off the entire incident and explain what happened . But he just sat there, eyes focusing on the empty space between us , looking empty and dull.
"Rob?" I said, now calmly.
He cleared his throat and blinked, "sit down." He mumbled and I did as he said.
"I…I sat in my room, Sparky was asleep next to me. Everything was okay, when she suddenly woke up and started barking. She acted all crazy, she even growled at me. She never did that before. Not once has she acted like this. She was running and jumping around, scratching the walls and the door when all of the sudden, she became quiet again and ran all the way to my desk. Her paw reached up to a paper for our project and she looked at me like she was trying to tell me something." Rob made a pause and sighed heavily, "for some reason I thought of you. I thought Sparky may need to go for a walk. So I went outside with her but stopped by your house. Something was just so off; you looked scared at school just terrified and I couldn't get rid of the feeling like something was going on but when your Mom said you're at Nat's it got even weirder."
"So you went to Nat's, right? She told me." Rob nodded.
"she mentioned something about some construction site…" I could tell now came the interesting part.
"Did she tell which construction site?"
Rob shook his head, "no. But I knew if she told you about it, it meant you were up to something. Honestly, I was scared I don't know what scared me but it was eerie. I took off, without even knowing where I was headed to, when Sparky began acting all crazy again; she pulled against the leash till I let go off it and ran all the way to the construction site in the Garden Street. There I heard a shot," he tried a small smile, "I remember how glad I was that I told Nat to call the cops."
I nodded and cleared my throat. Could it be that the fact that I was alive , was nothing but a mere coincident? But coincidences don't happen like that. Why would Sparky act strange and why would it be exactly when I needed help? How could it be that she led Rob all the way to the construction site, when he forgot to ask Nat where exactly it was?
"That…doesn't make sense." I mumbled.
Rob snorted and glanced at his feet, "tell me something I don't know."
"What about the armor?" I looked at him with curiosity; I didn't get how I was even more confused after I got the answers I wanted.
"I don't know," Rob sighed as he slowly closed his eyes. "Emily, I know you're confused but I can't give you all the answers that you seek. I mean…I was never someone with a sixth sense or so. I never had a deep intuition, so would you buy it if I told you I just listened to my guts before I left my house? I mean…I can't even believe it myself! But I did it, I just put on that damn vest because it seemed like some voice inside me screamed at me to do so!" Once more he ran his hand through his messy hair and squeezed his eyes shut. Apparently the uncertainty stressed him out more than me. Was it because he refused to believe the only plausible reason, the only logical explanation to all this confusion?
I could definitely picture how he felt, I was familiar with such 'intuitions' I had the same gut feeling about Paul, the first time I saw him. Yet there had never been an explanation to why I was right. The only thing that could explain it to me, was the connection with Emma. She triggered it. So why couldn't she have triggered it this time?
My eyes fell on the sleeping dog and I squinted; since Sparky was able to see Emma, couldn't it be that Emma led Sparky to the site? And that she –I don't know- screamed at Rob that Paul had a gun?!
It did make sense…in some way. I mean, Emma was supposed to see Dr. Jenson, but the doc's place was too far. Rob's wasn't.
Did Emma think of Sparky at that moment? Did she just think it would be worth a try? Did she know she'd get help here?
If only she was around, maybe she could've resolved the riddle.
Rob stared at me for the longest while as I ran through the options in my head. He did not speak, nor did he move. He only bathed me in the warm ice of his gaze. It was like a shiver ran down my spine when I noticed his stare. I cleared my throat and straightened myself.
"What's goin on in that mind of yours?" He asked lowly.
I shook my head and tried to look calm, "just thinking."
He displayed a short smile, "you always look like you're in the middle of a conversation." His eyes went to our surroundings, like he was looking for something, as he looked back at me, his head pointed to the empty air next to us. "Is she here?"
Now I was baffled.
I knew exactly who he meant with she but I couldn't get it; he condemned me as crazy, stupid, nuts and now he believed it? Now that she seemed to be nowhere?
I just stared at him, not grasping what I just heard and he obviously saw the confusion in my face.
While we looked at each other, he patted the seat next to his and cleared his throat. I waited a bit, then sat next to him. I frowned at this guy but even more at the feeling inside me, suddenly I felt relieved. Like some shade covering my heart had vanished.
"…You didn't believe me." I mumbled eventually, not able to stand the silence any longer.
Rob nodded and returned the gaze, "do you know how bad I feel because of that?"
I said nothing so he continued.
"I know I said some pretty hurtful things, you tried to tell me what's going on but…I was so stubborn if only I'd listened to you, none of this would've happened." He buried his face in his hands and sighed deeply.
He even seemed to shiver a bit.
"Fuck this shit!" I grumbled and rose from my seat.
"Emily," Rob breathed out, surprised by my sudden outburst.
"Can you idiots do me a favor and quit blaming yourselves?! Nat called the cops, you saved my life. If one is to blame it's me! I should've talked to dad or Jerry. I'm sure he wouldn't have hurt me if he'd spoken with me alone. It's not your fault, it's mine. I mean…yeah if one tells you they're chit-chatting with their dead sibling I'd also think they're not right in their mind. I don't blame you Rob- I owe you. Big time!" My vision was blurry thanks to the damn tears in my eyes, but I saw Rob get up and approach me with a sad gaze. Before I knew what happened, I was already in his arms and felt his hand gently stroking my back. His lips were very close to my ear. I sighed and stiffened, I didn't want him to pity me, nor to blame himself.
I wished to just go back in time, when I was the anti-social sister. Not the ghost-seeing only child.
"Shh," Rob's breath tickled my ears, "I am sorry Em. Really. I was such a jerk."
"Yes you were."
He snickered and pulled away, yet still held onto my shoulders. As his face was just inches from mine, his gaze traveled to my cast again and that icy look in his eyes returned. "But still…I almost got you killed."
"You didn't pull the trigger." I mumbled and wiped the tears away, "you saved me, the docs said I'd be dead if you hadn't come."
"Emma saved you, not me. Without her I wouldn't have even left my house- I am sure of it."
I shrugged, "alright, you , Emma and Nathalie saved me. None of you is to blame."
"Yeah," Rob asked with a little blush, I think he felt weird talking about the social ghost.
But I shook my head in despair, I desperately needed to speak with her. But I hadn't seen her since that night Jerry killed himself. Why did everything have to be so difficult? Why was my sky always blue and never purple?
After my little break-down, Rob made me some hot chocolate and listened to Emma and my story. I told him how it was to see her and what lead me to suspect Jerry and I finished, he seemed understanding yet still intimidated by the idea of having a psychic classmate- at least that's how he put it. I was not going to explain more about how I only saw Emma and no other dead people. Dr. Jenson's story had been too confusing and I didn't want to bug Rob with more paranormal theories.
As it got dark, he insisted on driving me home but I didn't fight it; I wanted to spend some more time with him, even if it was just a matter of minutes. Even if I had gotten my answers, I still felt confused. I wanted to know why he didn't visit me in the hospital, but I lost my confidence to ask. I lost every bit of hope.
A part of me felt that my 'situation' really scared him, maybe he'd make sure to keep his word about 'not interacting' with each other. I mean…who'd want a friend that can talk to the dead? He'd gone through enough…right? I gazed at him from the corner of my eyes as he drove me back home.
His left hand was stroking his lips, he seemed to concentrate on something ; his eyes seemed dull and his breathes were low- almost inaudible.
I thought about how he blamed himself and the hug he'd given me earlier, what did it mean? I couldn't picture that he developed some sort of feelings toward me. More like pity or sympathy. Maybe he blamed himself so much that he didn't want to hurt me by pushing me away? What if he's only being nice because he feels obligated to?
I hated every bit of that thought, yet it seemed reasonable. I still saw this image in front of me, and how I'd first seen him today. Distressed would be an understatement, that guy looked miserable. How many sleepless nights did he go through because of me?
"Hm?" I gazed up and found that we were already in front of my house. The few minutes together had passed and although I'd see him in school soon, I still felt like this was goodbye.
We resolved the issue, he answered my questions and I thanked, him our project was long over. There was no longer a reason for us to see each other anymore-unless he forced himself to.
"T…thanks for the ride." I mumbled and unbuckled my seat belt.
Rob nodded as his index stroke the steering wheel.
"Rob? Can you do me a favor?"
Rob looked at me and smiled .
"Please don't blame yourself, I am sorry I got you in such trouble it's all my fault. You did so much for me I can never repay this dept."
"Please Emily, you owe me nothing." He said warmly. But I still felt sad.
I could just nod, my insides yelled to ask why he didn't visit me but I swallowed it. I couldn't ask. I didn't want to ask. He'd come up with an excuse I know to be a lie or he'd force himself to please me. Both options were unacceptable.
"Is there something you want to say?" He asked.
I glanced at him and shook my head with the strangest smile. "Thanks…for everything. If there's anything I can do for you…let me know." The last words were only a whisper. I didn't look at him again and jumped out of the vehicle. I swallowed the urge to look back as he drove away.
I walked inside and up to my room. To cry, to give up, to forget…
"Why the long face?" Mom said as she passed me in the living room. We just returned from the police station, they needed my official testimony but promised that things were going just as planned; Paul would be behind bars for a very long and my phone was accepted as evidence. Everything seemed to work out well, sadly I felt everything but well.
It's been only a day since I went to see Rob, yet it felt like years.
"Emily," Mom stood before the muted T.v with her hands resting at her sides, she eyed me with a slight frown that meant nothing but concern. "You've been so quiet since yesterday. Did something happen? Are you not feeling well?"
I shook my head a tried a smile, "I'm fine Mom."
But my mother sighed with doubt, "did you fight with Rob?"
"You had this look on your face since you came back yesterday. What happened?"
I looked away and shrugged, "everything's okay. We just…talked."
"I bet there was a lot of talking to do," my mother snickered, "oh dear, he was so worried about you."
"How would you know?" I grumbled as my fingers traced the flower pattern on the cushion.
"Because he insisted on seeing you?" the clicking of Mom's tongue was annoying, "he wouldn't even listen to the doc when he told him you're fine."
"Doc?" I pushed myself off the chair and stared at my startled mother, "wait…Rob was there? At the hospital?"
"Of course," Mom said with a raised brow, "didn't he tell you? He was there since day one."
Then why wouldn't that jerk tell me? Well, there was only one person who could answer that question and I was about to see him. again,
Without thinking twice, I wore my shoes and ran down the darkening street.
My heart was full of excitement; I was sure now that I wasn't completely unimportant to him. He did care right? Even if he just saw me as a friend but he did-
Mid way, almost near his street I stopped to catch my breath. The fact that he had come to visit me was wonderful, it made feel much better but…did that change anything? Couldn't that still mean he meant to see me out of pity? 'Cause he's sorry. Just that.
What was I thinking? Apparently nothing because I always did something without thinking about it first, I was really tired of this and of myself.
There was a bench nearby, which I sat on to gather my thoughts. With my hand running through my messy hair and my eyes deeply gazing at the grass, I didn't notice the expensive vehicle stopping before me.
I sighed and cursed everything I could think of. Damn this bench that was a bit too wet, damn this grass that was a bit too green, damn my mind that was a bit too emotional and damn this voice that belonged to a bit too conceited guy.
I felt exposed, even if Rob couldn't know what I did here, I still felt that way. Like all my inner thoughts and feelings were placed right before him, ready to be eaten by his cold eyes. He approached me, I couldn't read his expression. He looked better than yesterday, more alive actually.
"What are you doing here? It's going to rain and your cast can't get wet."
I didn't look at him but shrugged, "just chilling."
"Chilling…? Were you coming to see me?"
"What?!" I said hasty and loudly, "tsk why would I? There's no reason to…" I looked up and felt exposed again. He seemed amused. His lips were fighting to maintain their straight line and his eyes were trying not to light up. But I was the open book, I was readable I was exposed.
"What's going on Emily?"
I crossed my arms and leaned back, "nothing."
"Nothing? I can sense something is off."
I shook my head.
"Why on earth would you be chilling here on this random bench near my place?"
"Don't flatter yourself I was just taking a walk."
"Why did you just say that?" He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes.
"Say what?" I responded.
Rob answered with an amused smile, "you told me not to flatter myself."
Oh… I sighed and looked away, "stop…asking so many questions I am sitting here just because I felt like it."
Rob nodded with pursed lips. He didn't buy a word and I couldn't blame him; I was so obvious, so weird. Just obvious enough for him to see that I wanted nothing but his company.
"Well…" he sighed and took a step closer, "then why did your mom just tell me that you're at my place?"
Oh damn it Mom! My eyes widened and I fought for air. My face must have turned tomato-red as he waited for an answer. I cursed my stupidity and how it always got me in trouble. Okay, this wasn't necessarily trouble; but right now, I'd rather take another bullet again.
"What's going on Emily? If you wish to see me then just do so."
"Right, after you said you no longer wish to interact with me?"
His smile faded. I felt so ridiculous; I acted like he owed me any explanation when he obviously didn't.
"Okay, get in my car." He said after a while.
"Why should I?" I grumbled back, not daring to look him in the eyes.
"Because it's going to rain."
Without further do, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the car.
I didn't protest, too good was the feeling of the slight skin contact. It was hard to accept that despite this awkwardness I still could be distracted by mere things like this, but what the hell. I'd have to savor every minute until I made a complete idiot of myself- although I felt it was too late for that already. In the car, Rob rolled up the windows and continued to his house, he glanced at me every now and then with an unreadable expression in his face. I tried to ignore it and busied myself with my thoughts. I wondered how I could explain my weird behavior just now, but sadly my mind was blank.
"Why are you so complicated?" Rob mumbled as he drove into the garage. I shrugged and got out the minute he killed the engine.
Rob turned on the lights and led me to his room, but before he offered me a seat or something to drink, I heard a voice calling from upstairs. "Robby? Are you home?" It was a female voice that seemed to come closer.
Rob closed his eyes and sighed deeply, "yes mom."
Mom? His mom? I never met his mom. I looked down at myself and felt self-conscious; it was the first time I'd meet his mom and I had to look like this! Oh if only Emma was around, she'd know what to do.
Steps appeared on the stairs, I straightened my back and clenched my fists as I saw a tall lady with short, raven black hair appear in front of us. She must have been around 40, her clear blue eyes gazed at me for a moment until they moved their attention to Rob. "You could've told me you have guest, I would've made something."
"It's okay Mom. Emily can't stay that long either."
Mrs. Miller raised her brow, "Emily? The Emily?" Oh boy, what would come now? The Emily that almost got my only child killed? The Emily whose sister was friends with drug dealers?
But nothing like that was being said, I finally saw a smile on her pale face. She approached me and offered her hand. "Finally I get to meet you, I hope your arm is okay. You know, Robby hasn't shut up about you since I came back."
I quickly shook her hand and smiled not because of what she said but because Rob's blush amused me. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Miller. And yes, thanks to your son, I am doing very well."
"Oh that's nice to hear, do you need anything?"
I shook my hand and thanked her.
"Well, I'll go fix dinner…uh Rob? Leave the door open, okay?"
Mrs. Miller giggled and left us alone again. I sat down on his bed and smiled, I don't know what I smiled about but it was probably relief. I was glad his rich Mom didn't seem to hate me. Maybe I was prejudiced but I always expected something like that.
"Your Mom is nice." I mumbled , "but where was she all this time?"
"Switzerland. She and my Dad were on their second honey moon."
"How come you never spoke of your parents?"
Rob shrugged. "Because they're embarrassing."
"All parents are." I said thinking about how Mom acted when Emma introduced her boyfriend to her.
"Anyhow." Rob turned his back to me and sighed. "I was at your place to deliver homework, a worksheet and an essay. Due Friday."
"Oh…" Of course I was disappointed…I thought he'd gone to see me.
"So…what you said before…you thought I don't want to talk to you anymore?"
"I think interact was the right word." I looked down at my shoes and felt the awkwardness grow again, "you said it yourself."
"Yeah but that was when I thought you're crazy." Rob looked apologetic. "I didn't mean that. If that were the case I wouldn't talk to you right now…right?"
"Maybe you are talking to me because…you…feel guilty."
Rob sighed and sat down next to me, I heard his low breath rise as he was thinking of the right words to say. But I was faster than him, "you're not to blame for what happened. So don't act like this, don't speak with me because you feel obligated to." I let it out and even if I already regretted it, it still felt good like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders.
"What?" Rob exclaimed and got up again, "so wait…you think I am just talking to you and seeing you because I –what- am sorry for you?"
"Oh boy," a humorless smile crossed his features as he ran his hands through his hair, "I could've told Nat to bring you your homework, I wouldn't have taken you here…I…I'd just tell you if I didn't want to speak with you," he crossed his arms, "I've never been one to beat around the bush. I always say what I think. And right now I think you're being ridiculous. Of course I blame myself! And I know I wasn't really nice to you but still…if I thought I have enough Emily-drama I'd just quit it."
"Emily-drama?" I raised a brow. "Who's causing the drama, you or me?"
"You are." He said dryly. "Is it so hard to just say what you want to say? To ask what you want to ask? Why just jump to conclusions if you don't even have any evidence to prove your suspicions? Such behavior is extremely stupid."
I snorted, this time I wouldn't let him make me feel dumb again. Okay, I already felt dumb, but he didn't need to see that. "That 'stupid' behavior got Paul behind bars."
"And Jerry killed."
My mouth closed as he said that. Well, he was right. Surely, he was. If it weren't for my secrecy, he'd still be alive.
Rob's features smoothed as I fell silenced. I dropped back down onto the bed and stared at my cast, what was I even doing? Arguing with this guy while I had no reason or right to do so?
"I'm sorry Rob. I…I know how ridiculous I'm being. I was just so…" I sighed and closed my eyes, "there are millions of thoughts rushing through my mind and I don't know how to deal with them. I'm overwhelmed."
"Don't apologize. You're not to blame…I…I shouldn't have said this about Jerry. You didn't pull the trigger, he did."
I said nothing, just focused on my breathing.
"So…was this the reason why you sought me?"
"I mean…did you come to see me to ask me whether I uh…to ask me about my intentions towards you?"
"No." I said. I knew that I couldn't hide a thing. Rob had probably known about my feelings since that awkward kissing incident. He was a smart guy who wouldn't believe that cough syrup story.
I looked up at him and smiled, "actually…I wanted to know why you didn't tell me you came to the hospital."
"How did you know that?"
"Mom's a real telltale." I answered with a shrug.
"At first I thought you'd be mad at me, I figured you may not want to see me. You know I expected you to hate me because I didn't believe you and stuff."
Okay, that made sense. I was disappointed that this had been the only reason, yet it was also nice to know that he somehow worried about me.
"So…that's why you're here?" Rob shook his head, I believe he was annoyed with me. His expression reminded me of the first time I came over and that wasn't good.
I should leave before things get worse.
"Anyhow," I said with a high pitched voice, "I'll take my leave, uh could you just get me the homework?"
Rob nodded wordlessly.
I nodded too and headed for the door, but just as I passed him, his hand shot forward and grabbed my wrist again. He pulled me back and spun me around. "Just so you know, I may blame myself but I'd take this bullet over and over again."
Oh great, I gulped trying to process his words but my brain was switched off. I could only stare into his blue eyes and listen to my heavy heart beat.
"I'm trying to say, my relief over helping you is greater than the blame I feel."
I nodded, "and I'll always be grateful."
"No need, I have a lot amends to make."
"You don't," I shook my head, "I don't hold a grudge against you."
Rob tilted his head, "so…we're cool?"
"Of…course we are." I looked down at his hand that still held my wrist but gasped as it traveled further until it reached my hand.
Was he just holding my hand? My gaze went back to his face, where I met a rather amused but also warm look.
"I guess it'll require some time to get used to the fact that you're psychic. Honestly, it still sort of freaks me out." He smiled at me.
I returned a weak smile and gazed at our hands, "I still can't believe it either."
We fell silent. Looking at that warm hand, so big, so warm and gentle, I felt exhilarated yet wary and aware of that shade hovering within his gaze. I knew myself, him and life just too well to know that such happiness is as temporary as summer's rain; it is a joy, a blessing but passes like a dream. And such joy, such comfort I took in the warmth was yet corrupted by the icy gaze in his eyes. The summer's rain was inflicted with a shade which lingered within the eyes that observed me strangely.
"What is it?" I let go off his hand and took a step back.
"Emily," he sighed. "I will leave town after graduation... I...I got accepted to Colombia. I...do you know where I'm going with this?"
I shook my head. Of course I had a guess, yet I wanted him to speak it out.
"I won't stay here during the summer."
Okay? I nodded.
He sighed heavily, "I...I can't give you what you want, Emily."
"W...what I want?" I mumbled abashed.
Rob smiled and looked deeply into my eyes, "you know that you're so easy to read; cough syrup doesn't have such strong effects on people. No matter how many pain killers or how much syrup they took."
Very slowly, I closed my eyes. To others this may have been super-confusing, but I knew what he meant; he was telling me that he was aware of my feelings for him. I had guessed that, but having the confirmation right in front of me was still very discomforting; I didn't know what to say or how to act. I gulped, forcing down the lump in my throat, it was something to be expected; why would I be the girl he wants? Did i really think only because he saved my life I was going to be his girl? Get a grip of yourself, Emily.
"What does that expression mean?" Asked Rob with his intense stare.
I shrugged and tried a faint smile. "I'm happy for you, thought I never doubted your chances with colleges."
He snickered. At least he didn't look that worried anymore; maybe he'd expected a worse reaction from me.
"Well," I mumbled sighing heavily. "I guess I'll hit the road."
I turned to head to the door, but Rob stopped me midway. "Wait a second," he touched my shoulder and frowned. "I basically told you that we can't be together, I never said I don't like you."
I hated how much hope that flickered within me. "Basically you did say that before. Or something like that."
"Well, people can change their minds, right?"
I shrugged, "guess so." So, did he like me? Honestly, genuinely? Like really like me? Was my inner debate reflected on my features? Perhaps, otherwise he wouldn't have moved his hand up to my cheek. I held my breath as the frozen ice inside his gaze began to melt and turned into a wide ocean.
I wish I understood the message they were trying to send me. "Emily,"he muttered. "Do you know how worried I was when you were at the hospital?" His thumb stroke my cheek. Tracing my skin in the tenderest way. I closed my eyes and silenced the voices inside me, to indulge in the faint yet wonderful touch he spoiled me with.
His breath was shallow, unlike my ragged one which seemed to accelerate more and more with every second that passed. I knew exactly what I wanted, I wanted him, his lips, his touch so bad that a turmoil began inside me, anxiously and impatiently waiting to feed the hunger within my heart. Rob tortured me with the simple strokes on my cheek. Did he know what he was doing?
"Rob?" I breathed, "I..."
Another smile crossed his features, his second hand came up to stroke my left cheek. I closed my eyes, feeling the sensation and unconsciously leaned my head forward.
But Rob did not respond to that obvious movement. He dropped his hands and breathed out. "Emily," he said gently, "don't..."
"Don't what?" I said disappointed.
"You know...we will never date, I will never be your boyfriend."
"I got that," i said now annoyed.
"And?" He raised his brows as if he asked if I still wanted to kiss him.
Surprisingly, it was very easy for me to answer that question. Yes. I still wanted to kiss him. Now more than ever.
I smiled and tilted my head, "did you expect me to run out crying if you say that?"
He stayed quiet.
"I survived Paul, so I am pretty sure I'll survive this." Where had i gotten such strength from ? I seriously felt like tearing the world apart, yet I also wanted to cherish every single moment I had with him. And if that moment let us close to kissing, then what the hell? So be it!
"You're really something," he said. It almost sounded like he was scolding me. However, his smile gave out a different meaning to his words. Finally, his hands went back to my cheeks. The smile grew to a gentle grin until he closed his eyes and came closer.
The turmoil inside my guts exploded like a firecracker when his lips finally met mine. I threw my arm around his neck while the other one in the cast, still lingered awkwardly between our chests. I responded to the kiss with all the passion I could come up with. His hands left my face and embraced my back tightly. His lips were as soft as I'd imagined them to be, the few beard stubble scratched in a very pleasant way. I was breathless after just a few seconds, but Rob didn't let me take a breather; he pushed me against the wall and kissed me senseless...
The first day at school was hell; just like that time when everyone heard of Emma's departure. Everyone looked at me with pitiful gazes and people I've never spoken to offered me their help. All I wanted was to go back home and be for myself. But sadly, I still had five classes ahead of me.
Lunch break was the worst; I sat with Nat and Rob but the looks were here way too prominent. Nathalie tried not to say anything and mainly looked at her sandwich while Rob held my hand and mumbled 'its okay' whenever I just made another awkward eye contact with someone. I dropped my gaze and grasped my empty soda can, "god, I need a break from this..." I mumbled to myself, maybe I was still used to talking to myself. thanks Emma. "Hey Nat, why don't we do something? I feel like hanging out."
Nathalie looked up surprised like she'd forgotten I was there, "oh uh...I...actually, I'm kind of busy this week."
"Really?" I raised my brows. Did Nat just seem nervous? She never looked nervous. "What's on your agenda?"
"Uh.." she hummed.
"Tell her," Rob nodded at Nat with a deep frown.
"Tell me what?" I wondered looking at Rob and back at Nat.
My friend sighed and dropped her barely eaten sandwich, "well...I...I'm attending Jerry's funeral tomorrow."
"He was my friend Emily, despite what he did...I just...I feel like this is the only way I can say goodbye."
I sat back as I let her words sink in. Both watched me, anxious for my reaction but eventually, I only shrugged. "Alright, I get it."
"You do?" Nat said.
"Of course," I responded, "I wouldn't go to Paul's funeral if there was one but I get you." I looked down at my nails and sighed. "I didn't want anyone to die. I know how desperate Jerry was to get away from Paul, and I bet he never wanted my sister to die. Maybe that's why he'd always give me this look, because he blamed himself and felt sorry for me and my parents."
"He was a good guy Emily, he was just with the wrong person."
"Perhaps." I mumbled and shrugged, implying that I didn't want to talk about this anymore. Obviously Nat and Rob got it and watched me leave the cafeteria.
The next day, turned out to be a lonesome and boring day. After school, I lay in bed and tried to gather my thoughts. Dad was back at work and Mom had been getting on my nerves for the past hours. I get that she wanted to cheer me up and distract me but I just wasn't feeling it; partially I was confused. Rob was going to leave soon, Nat missed her two best friends now and my parents thought I'd go into depression.
We hadn't received any news from the police station. Dad said Paul was a tough nut but we were once more assured that he was going to be locked up for a long time.
Since Paul was the bad guy to the main public, most people felt sorry for Jerry and I. Plus, half the town went to attend Jerry's funeral. The general majority had great sympathy for Jerry's family which I of course understood. Yet I felt betrayed; how many had spoken about Emma when she passed and said that she may have done drugs or alcohol? Very few had come to tell me their condolences only at school. Yet I knew how many thought about my sister. But Jerry who's responsible for her death to 50 % receives all the sympathy?
That bothered me. Of course it wasn't my place to complain, death means mourning no matter who the person was yet I felt annoyed. How dare he just pull the trigger and kill himself instead of facing the consequences? Surely, he never meant to cause such harm but why didn't he stop when he knew things were going too far? It isn't fair!
"Stupid Jerry", I grumbled. Aware that it wasn't nice to curse the dead but who cared? I- obviously didn't.
This guy had robbed Emma, Julius and himself of a future- a life! Now that was all gone, everything they had ever hoped and worked for had disappeared for good and no one could tell why.
Paul wouldn't talk and Jerry would never talk again.
Hours passed and I hadn't moved an inch, my thoughts were all dark and endless. I thought of the things that happened the past days, the things I'd seen and said. It was sometime between 2 and 3 a.m when I could no longer hold still and decided to release my tensions; slowly, I opened my door and sneaked into the hallway. I lingered by my parent's bedroom to make sure they were asleep, then headed down the stairs. By the staircase was the coat check where dad kept the keys to his car.
I grabbed them, wore my shoes and headed out the door. It wasn't cold but windy, the dark street was quiet and calm. The silence seemed eerie, reminding me of the last time I headed out late. Only that this time, I wasn't going to follow a few criminals but see the grave of one.
I climbed into Dad's vehicle and started the engine. With my hands firmly on the wheel, I waited for my heartbeat to calm down; I had teary eyes, and quite a nervousness that I couldn't link to any source inside me. All I had on my mind was Jerry at the moment. I thought of my anger, my sadness, my disappointed hopes and my loneliness. Even if Jerry wasn't responsible for all that, I felt the need to see his grave; the fresh grave, with flowers and wet soil on it.
Hadn't Nat said the funeral was her only chance of saying goodbye? I wanted to say farewell too, maybe I was a bit mental for leaving the house in the middle of the night to speak to a gravestone but who cares. Maybe I was mental. These days I wasn't bothered by such thoughts. What mattered way more for me was to finally find rest.
These constant concerns and negative thoughts, the disappointed hopes and expectations caused a certain feeling of restlessness within me. For some reason I blamed all this negativity on Jerry and now sought a remedy to my depression. The last time i'd been to the cemetery was at Emma's funeral. I wasn't really looking forward to returning to this place, however I knew there was no other way. The cemetery which looked and basically is- a park with grave stones- was dark and empty. I wasn't scared of it, even if visiting the place of dead people in the middle of the night never seemed like a good idea, but this wasn't a horror movie. This was reality.
I parked the car on the empty parking lot, and headed to the locked gate. I clutched the bars and rattled them but they really were closed. No problem! I had to do this before and now I did it again; with shaking feet I climbed up the gate which wasn't easy, since i needed to make sure my cast wouldn't get stuck but eventually I was back on the ground, now facing the dark area before me.
I had no clue where Jerry was buried but I knew i needed to look for a fresh grave.
After passing some grave stones and heading along some rows, i finally discovered the place I sought.
"Here lies Jerry," I mumbled to myself as I shone my phone's flashlight to the grave stone. "Well, here I am." I cleared my throat and sat on the muddy ground. "I know you can somehow hear me, I doubt Emma's with you but in case you see her, let her explain what I mean and why I know you can hear me."
"That's not necessary." A voice replied. My heart stopped as I spun around just to discover a dark figure right behind me. At first I thought it was Paul but then I recognized the calm voice and relaxed at once. "What a surprise." I mumbled. Why did I see him? The theory about 'twin connection' surely didn't apply here.
"I did see Emma, you're wrong about that."
I rolled my eyes, "where is she?"
"She's gone." Jerry replied, "she asked me to tell you she's fine and she finally found her way or place or whatever she said."
I raised a brow, "is that so? How would she know you and I would talk?"
"She actually suspected you would come to see me sooner or later."
"Right." I retorted. His presence no longer scared me, he was dead -therefore not a threat. However, I could tell that he still gazed at me funnily, I didn't see his face for it was too dark, yet I knew.
"So...now that you're here you can say what you want to say."
For a moment I was silent, not to contemplate but to find the right words. "I blame you for everything that happened. I know how Paul pressured you and I understand the fear he caused you to feel but I still blame you. You could've stopped all this. But you didn't, you took away Emma. You could've saved them, Emma, Julius and yourself."
Jerry sighed and sat down at a bench behind him, "tell me something I don't know."
"Why did you pull the trigger? Rob and you could've stopped Paul."
"And then what?" Jerry exclaimed, "do you think any of this would've been over? Paul knew a lot of people who would've been a threat to all of us. Maybe they're still a threat to you."
I scoffed, "then why haven't I received any death threats yet?"
"You think it's so easy huh? Yeah, why didn't I just help Robert take over Paul and then gone to the police to stand up for what I did?"
I shook my head, "you owe it to us."
"I don't owe you shit Emily, this guy destroyed my life and he destroyed yours but a few years in prison wouldn't have changed a thing. I would still be a murderer, I would still be the guy who robbed families of their son, their daughter" he looked up at me, "their sister."
"If someone is remorseful for what they did, they stand to take responsibility for their actions. They don't just cowardly run away from everything."
"Let's say I'd gone to prison, let's say I was locked away for years. Would that have changed anything? Emma and Julius would still be dead. I would still be at fault but I would live a life unlike them. And that Emily, that isn't fair."
I didn't seem to be the only one who struggles with the outcome of the fateful night; had I misjudged Jerry? Did he not kill himself because he was afraid to go to jail but did he kill himself because he couldn't live with the blame?
"I know I did horrible things," he ran his hands through his hair and bent down to look at the ground, "I know my family will always have to live with the fact of having a killer son. Do you think I don't know that? Do you think it was easy to see how they buried me today? How they all cried for me while they should've spat at my grave? You can blame me Emily, but whatever you think I know I made the right decision. I know I did what I had to do. End it."
I stepped forward, not knowing what to say. It seemed my fault was being too prejudiced, and making decisions without thinking twice about them. Before me sat no ruthless murderer, no killer who was to be hated and feared but a desperate, sad, regretful being. Everything about him and around him seemed dark and endless. He was surely going to kill himself again if he could.
"What did Emma say to you? When did you see her?"
Jerry didn't look up as he mumbled his words: "I saw her the moment I died, suddenly she was there, standing on the field next to you. We spend the entire night talking, while the police chased Paul and while you were in the hospital. She...forgave me."
"I thought so," I said with a nod, "it was very hard for her to believe that you were involved in all of this."
Jerry sighed, "she told me that. And she also said that you will forgive me."
"Tsk," I crossed my arms and looked away, "why would you need my forgiveness?"
"It would give me an ease of mind."
"Like you really need it."
Jerry was quiet and finally looked at me, his sad gaze deep. Like it opened the window to his shattered soul. What would happen to him where would he go?
I took a deep breath and exhaled like I wanted to get rid off all negativity within me. "What you did was terrible. But I didn't want you to die, not because of responsibility but because I saw so much death that it'll suffice for a lifetime. I want you to find your peace, I want us all to just get over of this."
Jerry got up and finally smiled, "that may take a while but thank you, I'll get there."
"You know what's funny? I actually blamed myself for what happened. And now I'm blaming you." I laughed without any humor.
Jerry tilted his head, "why would you blame yourself?"
"I provoked what happened that night. It's me who had to show up instead of just talking to someone."
"That's ridiculous," Jerry pointed out, "Emily, would you believe me if I told you that you did me a favor?"
Jerry sighed and closed his eyes, "it was eating me up you know...the blame. I thought about ending my life the moment Emma passed away."
"Do you regret it? I mean...killing yourself"
"No...but honestly...I expected something like heaven or hell although I'd probably end up in hell."
"Maybe Emma is in something like heaven now. But either ways...do not carry the regret of your life all the way to your death."
I nodded not knowing why I said what I said but something within me told me that I meant it. "Where's Emma? I mean...why did she leave?"
"She wanted to say farewell but she ran out of time, i don't know what she meant but... she said she needed to leave. But also that she loves you and that she'll always be with you and your parents."
"So...you mean she's gone? For good?" I said with a sob.
Jerry shrugged, "I haven't seen her since so I think she is." I cried. Harder than ever before. I knew the day of her final departure would come, but I didn't expect it to come so soon. She had promised to say goodbye! But she didn't and now I was alone...
The sun had already risen, Dad was probably getting ready for work. He'd soon notice the car isn't there. But I felt no need to get up yet. Jerry had stayed with me in silence, then decided to go see his family. I still sat on the bench, with my hands in my pockets and my gaze on the dawning sky where orange met blue, pink and purple. It was a sight worth seeing and reminded me of a quote I'd read somewhere a long time ago. "Man applauds to fireworks but never to the sun rise." I mumbled to myself. Like the way the night ended peacefully and quietly, so had my depression; I understood some things can't be changes. Sometimes our mistakes haunt us 'till we die and even beyond death. But it is up to us how we live with our mistakes and their consequences. I'd wanted to change Jerry's and Paul's mistakes. But now I was facing a world of loneliness; Jerry was gone, Emma was gone. Rob would be gone. My future held no perfect prospects, no special chanced and dreams. Yet I was okay with that. Eventually, we all have to learn to live with the things we can't change but if we embrace our imperfections and accept the obstacles life throws at us, we may even learn to be happy no matter how imperfect life may seem.
Just like the sky, life changes. While it may seem only blue, gray or black, it holds special surprises when you least expect them. My sky wasn't always purple, it was a rainbow actually. And I was already looking forward to it's next shade- it's next surprise and it's next imperfections.
A/N. Damn, I last updated on November first? Holy s*** but well, now I'm done and you get to read the end. Thanks to Iprune for your last review and also merci pour ta commentaire sur 'what changed us'.
Anyhow, hope you guys all liked the story. Thanks for reading :)