This is a parody of the song "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General," from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance." Obviously, I don't own the original song or opera, only my parody.

And I know I'm going to get a ton of hate for this, but it popped into my head and I just had to do it. XD


I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen;
I go to City Council meetings just to talk, never listen,
I pay taxes and re-elect the same old politicians;
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I drive over the speed limit down the residential streets,
But I've never been pulled over, stopped, or ticketed by the police.
I work hard at my job but I have no real ambition.
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I consider old traditions out-of-date and antiquarian,
I've switched to electric cars and started eating vegetarian.
I do what I am told and I frown on Conservatism;
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I send my kids to school to get a higher education,
I let tax payers pay for their schooling and medications.
I don't care if you're legal or illegal, I welcome you in!
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I depend on armed law officers to protect my mortality,
But I'm the first to picket and protest about police brutality.
I stubbornly maintain that animals have the same rights as man.
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I tout my education and I laugh at your stupidity.
(I think you're making up these men - this "Plato" and this "Socrates".)
I always vote Democratic and I abuse Republicans;
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I'm not talented in matters grammatical or lyrical,
But I crack off filthy jokes that my coworkers find hysterical.
But when it comes to political correctness, I'm the living end.
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I tithe my ten percent in church, but never give a penny more;
I listen to the sermon, then light up my weed outside the door.
I support killing babies to protect the pregnant women.
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I take very seriously Mr. Al Gore's warnings,
About how our planet is in the grips of global warming.
I sport bumper stickers, "Coexist" and "Save the dolphins,"
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.

I don't give two hoots how much our government is spendin'.
I will vote for Bernie Sanders, or even Hilary Clinton.
If they can't take down Donald Trump, I'll hire an assassin.
I am the very model of a modern Liberal citizen.