I'm staring off into space, wondering how I got here, standing on the edge of staying and leaving. I'm contemplating no longer having an affair on Life with Death and jumping full force into her loving arms.
I've spent years dancing with my Shadow Lover, one cut away from her kiss, one pill away from her embrace, one rope pull away from enveloping myself in her allure and falling into her bed.
Each time I almost reach her, someone stops me. Sometimes it's my mother, reminding me about my relationship with Life and how he has always been there for me, even after I've tried to leave him time and time again.
She doesn't' understand that I can't stand his too bright sun and suffocating arms which refuse to let me go. I tried an analogy of comparing my Shadow Lover as a consuming black tar and my boyfriend as the fraying rope trying to save me, even though he can never make me leave her.
I don't even like men anyway.
Maybe that's how I've gotten here, standing on the roof of my apartment building, wondering if she will accept my offer this time. No take-backs. No regrets. Just wanting to fall in love with her, a love that permanently takes my breath away.
All I need is to trust her and take a single step forward into her voluptuous darkness. Just one step and I will finally be hers…