Love is a four letter word I will always fear.

It's the only thing that I know has great power over me.

And it's one of my greatest weaknesses.

When I fall in love, I lose myself completely and I hate it.

When I fall out, I feel free again and reborn.

But sometimes falling in love could be a good thing.

At least, I hope so.

As I first laid eyes on him, my heart raced fast against my rib-cage.

I thought, "Wow, he is insanely handsome." But I didn't bother on trying to get his attention.

I was still healing from my past.

I did not want to fall in love again.

When he brought his attention to me, he couldn't stay away.

He looked at me like I was one of the most precious things he's ever laid his eyes on.

And he treated me with pure kindness.

He somehow fell in love with me fast.

And I don't know why.

From the moment we shared our first kiss, something sparked at the pit of my stomach.

And I knew I was going to get attached.

I did not want to fall in love again.

He holds my hand like his life depends on it.

He talks about me to the people closest to him.

He makes me feel very light and tender-hearted.

But most of all, he makes me happy.

When I'm around him, I feel complete.

When I listen to him talk or hear him laugh, I smile.

When I speak to him all day and every night on the phone, my mind can't help but wonder…

What is this feeling?

Is it attachment?

I did not want to get attached.

I did not want to fall in love again.

When the words, "I love you," trails off his lips or whenever he writes me those words, my heart goes numb.

I'm so used to getting hurt that way.

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe him because I'm so used to it never being real.

But he somehow keeps proving me otherwise.

What guy goes out of his way to buy him and his girl matching rings?

What guy posts about his girl on social media and even makes a video about her?

What guy reminds his girl that their anniversary is coming up?

What guy talks about his future with her and even talks about considering marriage with her?

And what guy talks to his mother about a girl so much if he wasn't in love with her?

I have never met a guy somewhat like him before.

I found myself falling weaker and weaker as each day passes on.

I feel as if I am his strength and I am his weakness.

I did not want to fall in love again.

We only known each other for a short amount of time, but it feels like we've known each other for a lifetime.

We graduated together and the first thing that came to my mind that day was him.

Someday, I'll be off to college in Florida and he'll be off in the army somewhere.

Sometimes, I hate letting the reality settle in.

As I think upon this, I hope to still be with him.

I hope to make months to years with him and I hope that someday I will marry him.

He claims he wants to marry me one day and I can't help but wait and believe him.

What is this feeling?

Why am I thinking so far into the future like this?

I did not want to fall in love again.

But I somehow felt like I was.

He is everything to me and I don't know what I would do without him.

Only one thing keeps holding me back.

And it's love. That one four letter word…

I did not want to fall in love again.

But I feel as if I'm right back at square one.

If it's not love, then what am I feeling?

How do I know if I am in love?

I want to say "I love you" when the time is ready, but how do I know if it's real?

How would he know if it's real?

Deep down in my heart, I feel it is love that I'm feeling.

My mother always told me "You'll know it in your heart."

And what I know from my heart is that I am feeling something, and it is indeed strong.

Every moment we spend together, I find myself falling deeper and deeper.

I think I am in love.

But still I always told myself…

I did not want to fall in love again.

The way he holds my hand.

The way he looks at me.

The way he touches me.

The way he kisses me.

And the way he makes me feel…

I never felt any happier than I am now.

I'm falling for him.

And one day I will tell him, "I love you," without any fear.

He will know it.

Or maybe he already knows it before me.

And when that day comes, I will place my hands on his face and silence him with a kiss.

Because he makes me feel complete and he mends all of the broken pieces I once felt before.