So, me and a few buddies of mine were thinking: "Hey, what would make for the coolest video game in the world?" And the answer we came up with?

Chainsaws.

And from that, the concept of a chainsaw-wielding badass just came to mind. He's got a bone to pick, and it's gonna get messy.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Others, my name is CrossPaladin, and I welcome you to the story of a man named Joe, and his quest, and the mindless violence that comes with it. It's called "Chainsaw Joe"

Let's Rock!

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Episode 1: A Man With a Mission (and a Chainsaw)

Another normal day in downtown Oven City. The skies were filled with smog from the busy city. Cars whistled by one singular apartment building. It was no different than the others that populated Oven City, but inside it, specifically in Apartment number 105, there lived a man who would become legendary.

"Happy birthday, Joe!" called one beautiful Amelia. Her thin figure, almost too curvy, turned with the utmost grace as she presented the cake to her boyfriend. Her small, delicate hands passed it along, and she had a massive smile on her beautiful fair face.

Joe, the young man sitting on the couch playing the newest installment of Murder-fest smiled back warmly as he took the confectionary. It was a small white cake with the words "Happy 26th!" written in red icing. Sure, Amelia's handwriting wasn't the best, so it looked more like chicken scratch, but it was the thought that mattered, and Joe loved it.

Amelia tilted her head, causing her long wavy blonde locks to fall to one side. "Do you like it?"

"Of course!" Said Joe in that thick Hispanic accent of his. It was one of Amelia's favorite things about him. That, and the stubble he was growing, not to mention his darker than average skin, or his thick black hair that formed into front facing waves. He was just an attractive man, and she felt lucky for having him in her life.

"It's small because I don't want you too full for dinner tonight," Amelia said, going back into the kitchen. "I'm making your favorite!"

"I thought you wanted to go out," Joe said.

"Nope, silly, it's your day. And after that..." She turned and gave him a playfull sultry look, "...you can have your present."

Joe made a soft growling noise and smiled. Then, Amelia went back to whatever it was she was doing.

With her back turned, Joe slipped out of the room. He headed into their bedroom, and went into the cabinet that sat beside the bed they shared. He began rummaging through it, quietly so as not to catch Amelia's attention.

He didn't know how he managed to snag a girl like that. She was cute, funny, and all around amazing. She was his best fiend. They had met in high school, and it all just escalated from there. Now, they were sharing an apartment, they were working to support one another. He served as a construction worker, she was a teacher at the local middle school. Not many people expected their relationship to work, but it did.

He pulled out the tiny black box. Today would be the day. Only one thing could make for the greatest birthday present. He smiled, and tightened his grip over it, ready to take his life into it's next stage.

But that was shattered by Amelia's scream. Without a hint of hesitation, Joe leapt out of his room and back to the living quarters. The sight before him shook him to the core.

The window to his apartment was shattered. Glass littered the carpet, and the curtains flowed wildly from the wind.

Seven shadowy figures stood before Joe, and one held onto Amelia, holding her mouth and binding her arms. They all glared at Joe, who could only stare in horror.

"Let her go!" he screamed.

"Ahaha!" One of the figures called as Joe was about to step forward. He pointed something at Joe, it too covered in shadow. From its general shape, Joe could tell it was a single-bladed axe. "Take a step and she dies."

Joe's body trembled. He could only watch as the figures leapt from the window, one at a time. The one with Amelia, a rather large fellow, stepped back slowly. Joe could hear a chuckle come from him before he leapt out, Amelia's muffled screams going with him.

The axe-wielding shadow lightly chuckled as well. "Sorry, amigo, nothing but business. Don't worry, I'm sure The Boss will be good to her." With that, he too leapt from the building. Joe, finding his body capable of movement once more, ran to the window, but all he saw was the city, no signs of those figures.

He dropped to his knees in despair. What just happened? He could barely keep tears from coming down his face. "Amelia..."

The little black box dropped from his hand.

Joe thought that all was lost. Amelia was his everything, and she was taken from him in the blink of an eye. He broke down, his face stained by tears, as he pounded his fist on the floor, ignoring the glass.

But, just as all seemed lost, a flash of light beamed forth from behind Joe. He turned, gazing upon this majestic light, and as it dispersed, Joe was left staring at a single object.

A chainsaw.

One with a three foot blade, it's body made of gold with black accents. It was designed in a way that it could be held with one hand. And there it was, just stabbed into his carpet as if it had been sitting there forever.

He didn't know why, but he felt a sort of connection pulling him to that chainsaw. Joe stood up, and wrapped his hands around the black grip.

He lifted it with ease, as if holding a pillow. He gave it a swing, like that of a sword, and found that it was weighted perfectly, as if intended to be held like an actual weapon. Joe's curious face now became one of anger.

He didn't understand, but that didn't matter.

A few minutes later, he had on a plaid headband, a flannel button-up over a white t-shirt, and a pair of khaki pants.

And a chainsaw in his hand.

Whoever those people were, Joe was going to hunt them down. No matter what, no one harms Amelia. No one. Those shadowy figures?

They were about to learn the hard way that no one fucks with Chainsaw Joe.

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Make any sense? If it did, I did my job wrong. The whole concept I thought was a funny idea. Stick around for how Joe attempts to save his girlfriend.

CHAINSAW, ULTRA!