Sorry its been so long! (again)
Hope you guys all like this chap! Thank you so much for all the reviews btw :)
The next day I snooze my alarm something like 10 times because I'm just...done. With Noah, school, life, everything. The only reason I actually wake up properly is because Elodie starts crying. She's the only thing in the entire world that could have made me get out of bed today.
I go about our morning routine in a daze. Ellie somehow must pick up on my mood because she doesn't seem as happy and bubbly as she normally is. She sits in her bouncy chair thing attempting to eat her own foot as I slouch on the sofa stirring my cereal round in the milk. I can't even be bothered to eat it which says a lot since I usually eat everything in sight.
I have no intention of going to school today or maybe not even ever. Why would I want to when I can stay home all day and be with Ellie? I'm doing my A-levels but legally I don't have to be in school. The only reason I've been going is so I can get enough qualifications to go to uni and hopefully get a good job in the future to support Elodie. A voice in my head tells me that's what I should do but I don't know if I can will myself into actually doing it. I don't want to go to a place full of bitches, bullies and Noah's inevitable new girlfriend.
My plans however get ruined when there's a knock on the door. I intend to ignore it but whoever it is uses their key to get in. I pray to God it's not Noah because I can't face him, not now.
Leanne pops her head around the door and my body floods with relief. She comes in and looks around without saying anything before focusing in on me. I put my bowl down on the coffee table and wait for her to say something. I don't know what she's thinking but I just hope it's not bad. I snuggle down further into my fluffy dressing gown and brace myself to hear her disapproval.
"I feel like you need a hug."
My head snaps up to look at her in surprise. I mean Leanne is lovely and she's never said anything horrible or unkind to me but for some reason I thought seeing me sitting here kinda like a slob would change her opinion of me.
I nod at her and she comes over to sit next to me. She pulls me into her and I lay my head on her shoulder. I feel like crying, not because of Noah but because for a second I feel like she's my mum. But she's not. My own mum has no idea the inner turmoil I'm going through right now and she doesn't care, not even enough to come and see her granddaughter once.
"Thank you." I whisper to Leanne.
"What for?" She asks as she rubs my back.
"For being there for me all the time. I don't deserve you."
She pulls away from me so she can look me in the eyes.
"Kayleigh. Don't ever think you don't deserve someone's love. I know you haven't always had someone to be there for you but even after having Ellie, you're still a child and you need someone to look after you too. That's why I will always treat you like my own daughter. You are a part of this family and we all love you so much."
I sniffle as a few tears roll down my cheeks.
"Honestly Kayleigh, you changed our family for the better. You and Ellie brought us all back together when we were drifting apart. And I've never seen Noah as happy as he was when you came into our lives. I should be the one thanking you."
I look into her eyes through my watery vision and see how genuine she's being, she's not lying just to make me feel better. She means it. All I can do is smile because words continue to elude me.
Leanne hands me a tissue and then she starts cleaning up the room.
"So are you going to school today?"
"Yeah." I don't know why I said that but after our conversation, something made me want to go and be normal. I can go and know that Ellie is safe with her. She's right in saying I'm still a child and I guess I shouldn't carry all the responsibility for Elodie's future on my shoulders. Right now I need to just be a teenager who goes to school and blends in with everyone else, not the teen mum who just had her heart torn apart.
"Good for you Kale. I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't want to go and see Noah."
I give her a confused look. As far as she knows, why would I not want to see Noah? She answers me without having to hear my question.
"He was all happy this morning and I thought it was to do with you but it turns out you gave him permission to go out with that girl Lauren."
I clutch my stomach as nausea rolls through me.
Leanne laughs to herself when she sees my expression.
"Why'd you say OK? Why not tell him how you feel?"
"Feel? Feel what? I don't feel anything..." I try to defend myself but my high squeaky voice makes it pretty damn obvious she's right.
"Kayleigh please, you really think I wouldn't notice how you act around him?" She scoffs. I shrug.
Great, now she and Liv know.
"I...erm...yeah-"
"You love him. He's was your first boyfriend, first kiss and the father of your baby. Feelings like that aren't just going to disappear because he's an idiot and decided he wasn't ready to commit to you."
"Have you been talking to Liv?" I ask, giving her a suspicious raised eyebrow. Some of those things I definitely didn't tell Leanne.
"Yeah we get together and discus yours and Noah's future wedding."
"You do what?!" I stand up and shout in surprise, not anger. She laughs as she starts folding some clothes I'd left strewn on the floor but she says nothing which makes me disregard any thoughts of her saying that just to wind me up. "You're being serious...aren't you?"
She gives me a look but I can't decipher the meaning behind it. Then it's gone and she's back to smiling.
"Yep. We fangirl over you. You're our 'otp'." She does air quotes with her fingers which makes me think otp is something Liv taught her.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair.
"But it won't ever happen..." I say but I don't quite know if I'm saying it to her or myself.
"Yes, it will." She stops what she's doing and gives me an empathetic smile. "One day he'll realise he's been stupid to let you go and you're the one he wants to be with. I know I probably should be telling you not to care about boys till you're older but this is different. You guys have been through something that's tough for adults in a committed relationship let alone two teenagers and I'm not trying to plan your life out for you but I genuinely believe you and Noah have something amazing. He just needs his time to realise he isn't going to find anyone better than you."
"Everyone's better than me..." I mumble but Leanne still hears it.
"Don't do that Kay. You're beautiful and hilarious and sweet and so caring. Just trust me on that."
I try, I really do but I find it too hard to believe and no, this isn't just because I need a boys approval to feel good about myself, it's being going on since I was younger.
I go over and pick Elodie up and for a while I just hold her tightly against me. Having her in my arms makes me feel like I'm not worthless and someone in the world does actually love me. I rub her back and bounce her slightly in my arms to get her to smile. She does and can't help the rush of warmth through my body. She's my little baby and she's so damn cute.
"Kale?" Leanne calls and breaks me out of my little bubble. "You'd better hurry if you want to be on time."
Oh right yeah, school.
Let's go do normal.
Despite Leanne insisting on driving me to school, I eventually persuaded her to let me get the bus. Much to my delight it's raining when I get outside and no, that was not sarcastic. Like the weirdo I am, I actually like the rain. However on the short walk to the bus stop I do hate the fact I have to dodge almost getting completely drenched when cars go speeding through puddles.
The bus is packed with people on their daily commute and other school kids like me. I have to stand up in a huddle of people because there's no seats left but I'm OK with that because it's 'normal'.
Once at school, I try every possible tactic of avoiding Noah. It's not like I think he's going to come and talk to me in front of everyone but I don't even want to see him. Luckily I make it to registration without a glance of him.
Rhea gives me a nod of acknowledgment when I take my seat next to her but she still looks pissed off with me. Damn...
The teacher does the register and reads out all the notices, the last one being that I need to go to the office to pick up my new ID badge. I go straight away after she dismisses us but have no idea why I even need a new badge. We don't use them much except for getting into the library and putting lunch money on them so God knows why there's something wrong with mine.
The receptionist, Miss Michaels, smiles when I enter the office. We see a lot of each other since I constantly come here to sign out when I feel like going home so she's familiar with mine and Noah's situation.
"Ah Kayleigh, here's your new badge. We updated your name on it." She smiles.
What about my name?
She hands me the card and my stomach lurches. Next to my picture is 'Kayleigh Thomas-Scott' in bold letters. Fuck.
I should probably explain why I now have Noah's last name as well as my own... Well , since my own family basically disowned me, Leanne and Noah's dad asked me if I wanted them to become my legal guardians and of course I said yes because I loved being part of a real family who I felt actually did care about me. The idea to take their surname came from one of the twins, I don't know who. Noah claims it was Liv's idea; she insists it was his. I could have just become Kayleigh Scott but even though my family isn't the best, they're still a part of me so hence the double barrelled name.
I stare at the card and blink a good few times before it sinks in.
"But...I don't want anyone to know. What if people see Noah's surname?" I ask Miss Michaels, whispering Noah just in case anyone overhears.
"People will find out eventually love. It'll be on the register and your exams and stuff." She replies with a pity head tilt.
Why did I not think of this before? How did I think I could change my name and people wouldn't find out? And there are only two plausible reasons I could have Noah's name. A, the truth and B, I married him. Both of those scenarios are no better than the other and involve revealing too much information about Noah and I.
Fuck, this means I'm going to have to talk to him, doesn't it?
He's in my next class so I devise a plan to show him without actually talking to him. I walk in and deliberately walk past his desk. He looks up when he sees me approaching but his expression remains blank. I then 'accidentally' drop my card on his desk.
"Sorry!" I pretend to gush my apology in embarrassment which isn't hard since just looking at him makes me flushed. He picks up the card and goes to hand it back to me but I see him do a double take at it. His eyes widen when he reads my name before he realises he's taking too long and hands me back the card. He mumbles 'text' and covers it with a loud cough so no one else hears.
I sink into my seat and wait for him to text me.
'Just hide it' he sends. Wow gee, what a bloody great idea Noah.
'It's on everything though not just the card' I type back. Originally I put a x at the end but I delete it.
'Shit' He replies. Again, so helpful...
He looks over his shoulder and briefly glances at me, catching my eye roll.
'What about saying you wanted both your parents' names or something?'
I ponder his suggestion for a while. I guess it would make sense but it's pretty stupid. No one does that.
'We'll figure this out, I promise. Don't worry Kale xx'
His text makes my heart ache. The kisses give me a sense of hope that's naive now I think about it. He doesn't mean it that way, he's just being supportive.
I cross my arms on the desk in front of me and lean my head down on them. This isn't the first time Noah and I have had secret conversations like this but my favourite have been the not so secret ones. There was one time when I was pregnant that will forever be engraved in my memory.
Noah and I had science together and our teacher happened to be Miss Henry, aka Tori the girl who used to live next door and babysit me when I was younger. She had always been like a big sister to me so I trusted her and she was one of the few teachers who knew about me being pregnant. She was always there to offer me support and help me when I had morning sickness or something. But because she knew Noah and I where together at that time, she decided to make us lab partners for the year so we could talk to each other as much as we wanted without suspicion arising. However, it didn't go down too well with some of Noah's other admirers but that's a whole other story.
There was one day when I was around five months that we were working on a project together. I wasn't showing so much that it was obvious I was pregnant, especially under my baggy uniform so I was still in school and people where none the wiser. Tori assigned us seats at the back of the classroom so we were out of most people's view when about halfway through the lesson, Noah switched his pen to his left hand and slid his free hand onto my stomach.
I shudder at his touch.
"Noah!" I whisper hiss at him. He smirks but pretends to keep on writing.
He gently moves his hand across my belly in a way that calms me beyond belief. Something about having his hand on me makes me relax even when I'm panicking about someone catching him.
"No one can see." He whispers reassuringly. His voice is so soft that it melts my resolve and I let his hand roam over my stomach.
"But- like...why?" I whisper as I too pretend to be working.
"Why what?"
"Why are you doing that, now?" I point to his hand and he gives me his cheeky smile that makes my toes curl. But then it's replaced by a softer look and he pauses, giving thought to his answer first.
"I wanted to feel closer to you; both of you."
I feel like my heart just exploded with love for him.
"I don't know. Sometimes I just want to touch you and get closer to you so I know you're both safe."
Just when I thought he couldn't get any cuter, he had to go and punch me in the feels. Thanks Noah.
I feel tears well up in my eyes but they're happy tears that I'm finding way too hard to hold back. I'm about to curse him for making me cry for the millionth time with his cuteness when I feel something. It feels like a little muscle spasm in my stomach but weirder. Noah looks at me and I figure he felt it too.
Before either of us can say anything I feel it again but stronger and this time I know exactly what it was. Noah and I both look at each other as we figure it out at the same time.
"She just kicked..." he whispers in amazement. I stare at him with my mouth slightly agape, not quite believing what I just felt.
I gasp as I feel it again. Tori, who was walking around checking everyone's work, looks over at us and gives a raised eyebrow, asking what's up. I motion her over and she comes and leans on the edge of my desk.
"She just kicked." Noah answers the question she didn't ask.
Tori's eyes go wide for a second and excitement crosses her face.
"You guys should go take a moment. I'll tell people you're doing work on the project." She whispers. "I'm so happy for you guys."
Noah and I share a look of pride before we get up, Noah now obviously having removed his hand from my stomach. We walk out the classroom calmly but as soon as we're out of sight, Noah takes my hand and pulls me off down the corridor. He finds an empty music practice room and pulls me inside. When we're alone we just beam at each other for a while, neither of us quite coming to terms with it yet. Then eventually, Noah strides towards me and kisses me with passion bleeding from every movement of his lips against mine. I don't care about where we are or anything else in the world except Noah in that moment. His hands on my back and in my hair drive me crazy but not in the 'I want to rip your clothes off' way but the 'right now I need your touch more than air' way.
We break apart and he removes his hand from my hair and protectively places it on my stomach. Only seconds later do we both feel the most magical thing in the world again.
"It's you." I say and Noah gives me a confused look.
"I think she knows who you are and that's why she's kicking when you put your hand there."
Noah laughs but then rolls his eyes.
"I don't think-"
The baby chooses that moment to kick particularly hard as if to prove my point and cuts Noah off. I smile in triumph and Noah just laughs.
After a few seconds he kneels down in front of me and before I get too confused, he rolls up my school shirt slightly and places a kiss on the bare skin off my belly. The muscles there flutter at his touch and my body starts to tingle.
"Hey baby. I hope you know how happy you just made me and your mummy." He says, his lips brushing against my skin as he talks.
How is this boy mine?
I can't believe how lucky I am to have him and be in this situation.
He looks up and must notice the weird look on my face so he stands up and wraps his arms around me before lifting me up and twirling me around in circles.
"Noah!" I squeal in a mix of surprise and delight. He just ignores me and does it anyway.
When he puts me down, he leans his forehead against mine and looks at me so intensely that it makes me squirm.
"I love you." He states firmly, like it's the truest thing he's ever said. Butterflies gather in my stomach and make me nervous.
"I love you too." I whisper just before I reach up and capture his lips with mine.
The memory fades and reality hits me hard. I choke down my emotions and will myself not to look over at Noah.
You can do this Kay. Just be 'normal'.
I repeat that like a mantra but it doesn't stop the feelings of wanting him creeping into my body. It's like my cells are craving him.
This would all be so much easier if I wasn't me and I was actually someone he wanted to be with. Someone pretty; someone funny...someone who he doesn't have to feel connected to just because I had his baby.
If only...
So, did you like it? What about the flashback type bit? Do you guys want more of them or not? (They don't necessarily have to be when she was pregnant, just little bits about their history and stuff)
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