At least I kept my word and saw everything through to the end. That's always been my one promise to myself, even when - no, especially when that promise is unspoken, unthought of. I will always see things through to the end, because that way it minimizes the possibility of at least a few "what-ifs." And even still, even though I saw it through to the end and I had a good friendship and I had everything that I had wanted from the beginning, there are still so many unanswered questions and days where I can't fucking breathe because I miss the feeling of knowing that when I needed to talk, I could. There are days where a piece of the story floats across my mind and instead of jotting it down like I used to, I let it pass because it's not fair to the memory of us to finish a story when both authors are not able to work together. I owe those characters so much more than that. I owe the friendship so much more than that.

And maybe this situation isn't completely my fault. But the fact remains, I find myself wondering what could have been when I should be thinking about what could be, and I can't seem to put the blame on anyone but myself.

This is not about anyone you know, so please don't take it that way. I need a creative outlet that will never be found and this is the best I've got for right now. Do not mistake my activity here as a welcome back into my life, because, honey, I could post something on here that would make sure you never ever get the idea that we can be anything but exes. And I know how important those little fantasies are to someone's sanity, so don't push me.