Life is nothing but sadness. I realize that now, but I just wish I realized it sooner so that it wouldn't have hit so hard when my best freind abandonded me. Being happy is impossible for me. It seems strange, but I just can't seem to know how to feel it.
I don't know why so many people feel so many emotions, and yet the only things I can ever seem to feel are sadness and anger. I can't just learn how to feel things, but most people seem to think that's the way it is. I wish they knew how I feel so they could help. Don't get me wrong, I know they try their best, but I just can't relate when I never feel what they can feel. I hate this.
Maybe one day I'll find someone like me. Maybe one day I can finally talk to someone and not feel weirded out by wide ranges of emotions and surges of energy. It just feels so strange when I talk to someone who can feel happy and someone who has the most energy anyone could ever think of.
But I bet you're all wondering about my friend.
You see, we were nice apart, but amazing together. When I was with her, I could actually feel happy, like a normal human being! But one day, she decided that "my drama was too much for her". Apparently, I was also "doing everything for attention" and all that crap. I hope one day she meets a real drama queen and knows how it feels to be friends with one.
Whatever. I guess I'll just have to wait for someone else who can make me feel the way she did. It'll probably take months, maybe even years to find someone who just clicks like that, but in the words of my mom, "What's meant to happen happens when it's meant to, and you can't change that."
I sincerely wish that I could be happy and that I could have energy, but I just can't, which is more than likely reflected by my horrible grades. I'm talking D minuses and Fs on average. Ugh.
The small amount of friends I do have are people who either hang out with their other friends, never talk to me and ignore me when I try to talk with them, or people who talk to me like any other friend but have extremely awkward conversations with me. I have a sorry excuse for a social life, and I should've realized that years ago.
I'm just a screw-up who can't do anything right, what should I expect?