The Adventures of David and Connie—the Zoo
It was a lovely summer morning. Linda O'Connor decided to take her kids David aged 13 and Connie aged 8 to the zoo. It was 9AM when they pulled in the zoo parking lot. Linda said to them "I want both of you to stay beside me at all times."
David said "but mom we want to hustle through the zoo entrance."
Linda snapped "what did I just say?"
They walked toward the zoo entrance and bought their admission tickets.
After they entered David said "I'm hungry."
Connie moaned and replied "you're always hungry."
Linda said "we'll eat lunch in three hours."
David snapped "Goddamn it!"
Linda shouted "David and Connie!"
Linda exhaled and told her children she was not going to tolerate any cussing.
After that Linda escorted her kids to the snake area. David enjoyed watching them slither around.
Connie was not so impressed. The next stop was the giraffes. David and Connie both had fun feeding them. Then they went to see the wild cats. The leopards were noisy. David growled and pinched Connie. Connie yelled "motherfucker" and smacked David.
Linda yelled "David if you pull anymore hijinks like that we will go home. Connie I told you no cussing. One more cussword out of either one of you and we'll be leaving in a flash."
They went on to look at the tigers, lions, and panthers.
It was 11:15 AM when they made their way to the elephants. Linda said "oh David, Connie, go ahead and stand against the wall. That's a good place where I can get a picture of you two."
David and Connie went and stood against the wall. Linda got her cell phone out of her purse and prepared to take the picture. She happened to be standing against the fence of the elephant display. Right as she was about to take the picture an elephant came over and farted on her.
Linda yelled "ahhhhhh"
David and Connie started laughing as did some bystanders.
Linda groaned and said "forget the picture."
David and Connie started laughing so hard their ribs hurt.
Linda yelled "it's not funny that fucking elephant must have eaten five tons of beans."
One man said "excuse me I have a seven year old here."
Linda said "well aren't you happy your seven year old wasn't farted on by a fucking elephant?"
An elderly lady said "if you can't keep your language under control you need to leave."
Linda yelled "don't tell me what I'm allowed to say!"
David yelled "yeah don't say another word to our mother!"
David and Connie were both very angry and staring down the little old lady. The father of the seven year old boy got in front of the old lady and gave a mean look to David and Connie.
As they left the elephant section of the zoo David whispered to Connie "I wanted to knock that old bitch out cold."
Connie told her big brother to calm down which he eventually did.