notorious

[ one shot ]

"here we are, at the end of the road — a road that's quietly caving in"

To say that Gray Vandergrift was pissed off was the understatement of the year. What kind of cold hearted bitch failed a student by one percent? He just needed a fifty to pass but hell to the fucking no. She just had to give him a forty-fucking-nine. So, yeah. He was pissed to the bones after waking up at nine in the morning to speak to the prof only for the receptionist telling him to wait for his turn as others had made an appointment and he had to wait for fucking hours until he was called into the office. That was how he started his winter break— begging and pleading for the extra one percent (after hours of waiting) so that he could pass this course and never look at an economics textbook ever again.

When Gray finally got his well deserved mark— a solid fifty-seven, he was beyond exhausted. And starving. It was already four in the afternoon and his discussion with Prof Schulich had gone on for more than three hours. It also didn't help that he had a hangover the whole fucking time and taking about Econ just made it much worse.

So no one could blame him for walking in his apartment, more than surprised and annoyed to find Clover Steele, his self-proclaimed girlfriend and best friend, sulking on his couch with a bowl of… Was that pink popcorn?

(And by self-proclaimed, he meant that she was delusional enough to think that they were going out, when in fact, they were not. "Best friends" was also a stretch. She was just a friend. Hardly. A girl who often terrorized him with her overly bright presence at the most inconvenient time. He didn't even know why he put up with her. Okay, maybe he did. She was just a real good lay and sometimes made him food. And if her only conditions were for him to keep off other girls, then he supposed he could deal with that so long as she kept making him her super-secret-recipe so secret that it was practically a you-have-to-marry-me-to-get-the-recipe kind of secret lasagna).

"What are you doing here?" he'd asked grumpily and kicked off his shoes, crossing his arms over his chest to look at her.

She was wearing a cheerleader outfit, one he particularly liked taking off her, and when she didn't say anything, Gray raised a brow as if to say, go on. Stop wasting my time.

This was her cue to run to his arms and give him too long of a hug and start on her endless chatter that he found ever so annoying. Sometimes she would kiss him and tell lame jokes and he'd have to make her shut up and kiss her back because that was the only way he could keep her quiet. At least, that was what she would do all the time whenever she waited for him at his apartment because she was so goddamn predictable like that.

But this time, she didn't move. Or say anything. She just pouted some more and ignored him.

Much as he liked looking at the freshman's hot bod, if he wasn't going to get any, she might as well leave.

It was odd having her here and not hearing her talk. Or even look at him. Gray didn't like it.

"Eyes on me, Clo," he said and her eyes fluttered open, head tilting upwards to meet his eyes. He had to remind himself that the fast beating of his heart was not because he liked her or anything but because her eyes were so gorgeous that it sometimes took his breath away.

"You forgot," she whispered, her voice a little huskier than per usual. He wondered why that was.

And what did he forget? They didn't make plans today. Or at least, she didn't ask him if he wanted to do anything this particular day. In fact, she'd been relatively quiet all morning. Gray didn't receive and calls or text from her and he supposed that if he thought about it, her silence was kind of weird. She would alway text him good morning and call him in the afternoon to make plans for dinner. But today, she did none of that. He would know. He'd been bored out of his mind all morning waiting to talk to the prof and Clover hadn't contacted him.

If he forgot something, it would have been her fault for not reminding him. Gray just shrugged, throwing his backpack over the sofa to his left before pulling off his shirt to change into a new one from the pile of clean laundry he had yet to put away.

He didn't really need to change but he liked watching any blush and look away from his upper body. Today though, she didn't even show any sign of embarrassment.

Okay.

This was way too odd.

What the actual fuck was up with her?

"Care to elaborate?" he mused, pulling on a new shirt over his head. He flopped down beside her on his couch and threw an arm over the freshman's shoulder.

She smelled like flowers and fresh laundry and the way she was squirming under his hold, it was beginning to turn him on.

It was the outfit.

So sue him for having a cheerleader fetish.

"I just…" She just sighed and got up, eyes everywhere but on him. "I think we need to take a break."

It took him a moment to digest her words.

"A break," he repeated, testing it in his tongue. It left a bad taste in his mouth. Huh. It wasn't as if they were actually together to begin with. But he didn't tell her that.

She nodded, pulling on her coat and her boots. "Yeah. I think that it's… that it's best if we…don't see each other for a little while— "

Gray didn't really mind. It just meant that he'd be free to fuck other girls again.

"— I need some space— "

Space.

He frowned at that.

As if she hasn't been popping up and annoying him every second of the day. She was the one who always seeked him out.

"— Some time to think."

Hell, she could take as long as she needed to think. He could hardly wait to get back in the game.

"So you're leaving?" he asked, clarifying. He wasn't sure what to make of the situation but he figured that his life would be back to its usual pre-Clover routine, which he didn't really mind.

Clover sniffled a little and okay, she might be annoying but he didn't like seeing her cry. Gray held his breath a waited for the tears the start but she didn't though, much to his relief because not a second after, her face was blank and she was watching him with a mask he was sure she'd practised for hours in front of the mirror.

"Yes," she answered hoarsely. There was a pause, her lips drawing to a deep frown before she added, "You don't have to worry about going to the charity thing with me. Anders can—"

The name made him pause. Although he didn't want to go to the charity dinner or whatever there was no fucking way in hell that he would let Anders take his place.

"Anders?" he demanded, angry. What the fuck?

He couldn't stand that asshole. Why the fuck in the seven hells was Clover talking to him?

"Well, he was going to go anyway and he offered to take me with him the other day— "

"The other day?" he echoed, frowning. This conversation was really starting to piss him off. More so than usual. "Since when did you become buddy-buddy with Anders? He's an asshole, remember?"

"He's nice to me."

Gray found himself glaring at her.

"He's an asshole," he repeated, getting up from the bed and taking two steps towards her.

Clover whimpered, turning her head away. She didn't move away from him, though. "He gave me flowers today."

Gray rolled his eyes. "What a pretentious thing to give someone," he mocked, "It's winter. Who the fuck grows flowers in the middle of winter? He obviously just wants to get in your pants."

"And a cupcake," she added, her voice trembling.

Gray frowned. This argument was clearly not going to lead to sex and he didn't want to waste anymore time if he wasn't going to get any from her. And what made Anders so fucking special anyway? So he gave her a cupcake. Anyone could do that.

"I get you food all the time."

Clover shook her head, sighing defeatedly. She headed to the door, her hand on the handle before she turned to Gray, a sad expression on her face. "Anders didn't forget it's my birthday."

Oh.

So that was what she was crying about? That Gray had forgotten her birthday and her precious little Anders didn't?

Gray wasn't even her boyfriend.

They just fucked around and sometimes he would take her out because she was always more enthusiastic with sleeping with him if he did and they didn't stray during the duration of their relationship. It didn't mean that she was actually his girlfriend.

"So why are you here?" he asked, eyes glaring at her. "If Anders is so damn perfect then why not just go bother him instead of me?"

Clover took in a deep breath before turning back around, shaking her head. "Maybe I will."

Gray was floored by her answer.

No.

This was not how this conversation was supposed to go.

She was supposed to say that she couldn't live without him in her life and he would apologize for forgetting her birthday and explain that he needed to get his grade from forty-nine to a fifty, which was a legit reason to forget, and then he would take her out for dinner somewhere nice, maybe even buy her ice cream or something, to make it up for her and then he would fuck her at the backseat of his car, then at the side of her dorm building, then in his apartment. Against the door. Out the balcony. On the counter top. On his bed. He'd even let her cuff him.

Okay, maybe not the last one but he'd think about doing it.

But no. She just had to run to Anders' arms.

"Fine," he said snappily.

Clover sighed. "Fine," she echoed, her voice barely a whisper, just as she exited his apartment.

It wasn't until he decided to throw something at the door, breaking one of her stupid cactus plant's pot (and plant, too, probably), and cleaning up the mess that he saw the spare key to his apartment hanging on the wall.

Clover left the keys he gave her.

Gray frowned, not knowing the implications of her actions.

"come too far to pretend that we don't - we don't miss where we started"

1 week later

His fridge was empty.

Shit.

He forgot to do his groceries.

Gray sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He never had to worry about groceries. Clover would drag him to WalMart every other week to shop but since her leaving her keys a week ago, he hadn't had the opportunity to go stock up on food.

Well. He'd done this for two years without that freshman brat doing it with him in the past two months. He could do this again without her with no problem at all.

Gray made his way to his closet, deciding that he would get groceries, then make some food before hitting the bar and picking up some easy, no string attached kind of chick to fuck tonight. But he never realized that he'd run out of socks. He and Clover would do their laundry together and he supposed that without her bothering him to do it, he had forgotten to do so.

All he had were Clover's stuff and there was no way in hell that he'd go out wearing pink and yellow polka dot socks. No, that was just preposterous. And just because he liked the kind of detergent she used on his clothes, he decided that he would ask her for the brand. That was it.

He called her and the phone rang until it went to voicemail.

He tried again three more times, not reaching her until finally, he decided that he didn't care. He'd just use whatever detergent there was at the store.

Making his way to the WalMart he and Clover would often go to, (wearing Clover's pink and yellow polka dot socks because what kind of monster used dirty socks?) Gray zoomed through the aisle, taking everything he needed and he didn't know why but he somehow ended up shoving a lot of unnecessary shit in his cart. For instance, two cereal boxes. He didn't even like cereal. It was Clover's fault, he realized. She always bought cereal for them saying that breakfast was important and if he didn't have time to make anything, he should at least have some cereal to go.

Damn that brat.

1 week and 2 days later.

The girl screamed.

And not the kind of scream Gray enjoyed either. She was hot and she was a French exchange student so a night of fuckery with her shouldn't have been a problem, right?

Wrong.

It was like all of his sexual stamina had taken a long vacation. Yeah, the French accent turned him on and so did her ample cleavage but he just couldn't get himself to sit her down and fuck her. He would have done it in the car or the alley of the club but it just didn't feel right. Gray just figure that he needed a bit more comfortable setting and brought the girl to the apartment.

Although hard, he didn't have the motivation to ravish her against the wall or on the countertop or on the kitchen table. Maybe the bed? He thought but no. That didn't work either. He just got more frustrated so he pushed her against the window and she screamed in pain and for a second he wondered if he'd done it too hard this time but the girl was cursing in French and threw a pot of cactus at him.

Shit.

She landed on one of Clover's cacti.

Shit.

Clover was going to kill him. Clover was going to —

Clover.

"Get out," he found himself telling the French exchange student. He didn't know the words were spoke until the girl's jaw dropped. It was highly unattractive. He didn't know what he was doing with the French girl. It was the accent that got him. He wouldn't have brought the girl home if it wasn't for the accent.

God, he was so stupidly blind.

"Excuse me?" she demanded, looking very pissed.

But Gray was more pissed. He stormed out of his room, ignoring the girl's foreign curses thrown at him and suddenly, a foreign emotion wretched through and God fucking damn. He did not need this now.

Fucking hell.

He missed the little freshman.

He fucking missed her.

He missed her and her insufferable sunshine and joy. Her and her stupid cereal and breakfast and dinners. Her and her pink popcorn and her pink flower pots and her pink lips. He missed her and the curve or her waist and her insecurities and her whining and her sleeping over.

What the fuck.

He fucking missed Clover.

He missed fucking Clover.

That was the reason why he was such in a dry spell. The two months of just Clover sex ruined him.

Fuck.

She ruined him.

How the hell was he supposed to satisfy his needs if he couldn't even look at other girls and think of the whisky blonde hair and big, bright eyes and wide, cheerful grins and strawberry shampoos and pompoms?

Shit.

Her absence was becoming more of a liability than anything.

"looking back, I see a setting sun, and watch my shadow fade into the floor"

1 week and 5 days later

"Zoey, can you fucking not?"

"It's almost Christmas. Why the hell didn't you go home?"

Zoey Vandergrift was draping fairy lights all over his apartment. She ignored the complaining and cursing that spewed out of Gray's mouth and forced her way into the apartment with boxes and boxes of holiday decoration. To say that Gray was pissed was an understatement.

Her fiancé, Blake Livingston, was helping her spread the holiday joy by decorating the small Christmas tree he'd brought over.

Gray was sitting on the couch, frowning at them as they laughed and kissed and spread their joy. As much as he wanted to tear everything apart, he couldn't do that to Zoey. Annoying that she might be, he couldn't get himself to purposely take her smile away.

He might be an asshole but he had a soft spot for his sister. Shit.

She probably knew it too.

"This is my home," he stated when she kindly demanded for him to move his ass over and put on some Christmas music on. "And who gave you permission to hang those shit here?"

Zoey smirked, placing the box of fairy lights on the coffee table, looking at him with a glint in her eyes. "The one who pays for your rent," she said smugly. She looked at Gray like she's been preparing for this argument her whole life. "Technically, this is my apartment. Ergo, my home. Ergo, I decorate it the way I want."

Okay, so she was paying for his apartment.

God, she was insufferable when she was right. It had been just an hour since the couple arrived and Gray already needed to get out of there. She needed to get away from their coupleness and nauseating amount of PDA.

"I'm going out."

"Wait!" Zoey called out but he ignored her,putting on his shoes and coat and making sure he had his IDs and wallet and phone.

"Blake go with him and get some groceries! make sure you pick me up some apple cider! The no name brand one I like!"

And that was how Gray and Blake ended up eating ice cream in the middle of winter while Gray glared at the sprinkles of his ice cream instead of eating it and Blake demolished his cone.

Gray didn't even like sprinkles.

They were stupid.

But he already called out the order and he wasn't going to take it back when Blake ordered right after him.

"What's up with you?" Blake asked all of the sudden. He was already done with his dessert and Gray had yet to even take a lick of his. "You're more of a dick than usual. You're worrying Zo."

Gray just ignored him.

"Is this about a girl?" Blake wondered. There was a pause and Gray tried his best to look aloof and annoyed and like Blake was so far off from the truth. "Clover?" he continued, blue eyes gleaming as he watched Gray's reaction.

Gray's eyes widened. So much for aloof and annoyed and pretending that Blake was far from the truth.

How the fuck did he even know about Clover?

"You have a snapshot of her," he said as if reading Gray's mind, "On your fridge? It's on one of those Polaroid film? It said: Clover. Love of my life."

He remembered that particular photo. He had gotten her a Polaroid Snap because she was sad from failing an assignment and he remembered her showing him a shit load of pictures on Instagram of those instax cameras. So he figured getting her a Polaroid would make her happy and therefor not reject him when he asked if he could fuck her against the hood of his car. Her first photo was him, which she kept in her wallet-purse-thing, and the second was of her with the note at the bottom saying the exact words Blake had just recited.

God. Clover needed to drop by soon and pick up her shit.

"Fuck off."

"What? She's your girlfriend or something?"

Gray glared at him some more.

How could his sister even handle this much nosiness?

Blake laughed, which worried Gray because this was hardly funny. Zoey could be marrying a crazy man. Much as he wanted to witness that, Zoey was his only family left and he would hate to be taking care of her when she realized how much of a psycho Blake was.

"You're a lot like Zoey, you know?" Blake continue, grinning widely at Gray. "It's so fucking cute, actually, this whole I don't trust anyone thing you two do when all you really need was someone to love you."

"I'm not interested, Blake," he said dismissively, "I don't roll that way."

It didn't change the subject like he hoped it would. "Do what's going to make you happy, Gray," Blake stated.

"It's not that easy," Gray found himself admitting. How could he do that if he didn't even know what made him happy.

"Sure it is," Blake encouraged. "Your sister makes me happy so I do her."

Gray wanted to vomit. That was TMI.

"How can I even do that if she won't talk to me?" Gray sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck. She doesn't even make me happy!"

In fact, he was infuriated with her. Angry. Frustrated.

Blake chuckled. "Okay," he said. "I believe you." Gray didn't believe he meant the words but he also didn't want to continue this conversation so he didn't say anything in response.

"So you cool with me and Zo crashing for the holidays?" Blake said suddenly, taking the ice cream cone from him and proceeded to eat it.

"Whatever."

Blake grinned, pulling Gray up from where he sat. "Let's get some food then. What have you been eating this whole time then? Take outs?"

Gray frowned. He wasn't going to let him know that.

"I am left standing on the edge, wondering how we got this far"

2 weeks later

Fuck.

It was official.

Gray had liked Clover.

And not just the fucking her part of their relationship. He liked her company. He liked her smile and her laughter and her whining and her stupid polka dot socks. Fuck. He even liked it when she got jealous every time he eyes up another girl.

The revelation came to him two days after Zoey and Blake had taken residency in his home. Clover had knocked on the door and he wasn't prepared to see her again.

Or at least, he thought he was going to be okay if the occasion occurred but actually seeing her in person was like getting hit by a ton of bricks. Because, not gonna lie, he thought about a million scenarios of Clover coming to him and begging for forgiveness or him coming to her and taking her hard and fast in her tiny dorm room so many times that he was sure he was prepared to see her but actually seeing her in person was a whole different story.

It was eight in the morning and he'd been especially grumpy because who the fuck got up this early when they didn't need to? But the anger had faded away when he saw the familiar blond hair tucked in a red beret and those lips glosses over by something he knew was watermelon flavoured.

Gray stared at her, speechless. He didn't expect to see her ever again. At least not for a while. Not after that whole argument about Anders.

"Clo…" Was he dreaming or…?

But then, she just nodded in acknowledgment, walking in the apartment like she owned the place and taking off her shoes. Gray couldn't even be angry at her.

"Why'd you wake me up," he grumbled, his bad mood coming back with the lack of her usual greeting— a cheerful hi and a sweet, boner-inducing kiss. "Did you lose the fucking keys ag—"

Gray frowned.

Right.

She left her keys two weeks ago.

"I'm actually here to pick up some stuff I left," she admitted, brown eyes avoiding him as she took off her backpack, setting it on the living room before she began to pick the knick knacks she'd left.

He thought that she came here to apologize not take all her shit back. What the fuck? How else would he see her later if he didn't have any of her stuff to give back to her?

For the next twenty minutes, Gray stood in the exact same spot, watching Clover take her belongings from his apartment. She moved quickly without a pause as if she knew exactly what she needed to take and where they were.

"I didn't expect you to actually take care of the plants," she told him once she finished stuffing two grocery bags full of stuff. "But I don't have enough sunlight in my dorm to take care of them so like, you can keep them if you want or throw them away since you're not really fond of the cacti."

"Clover," he found himself saying since she'd arrived.

And for the first time since she got there, Clover looked up, her big doe eyes meeting his, a hopeful glint in them. Gray felt himself out of words to say, actions to make, and suddenly, he couldn't breath anymore.

Minutes passed without either of them sting a word. It was Clover who broke the silence, sighing dejectedly.

"Goodbye, Gray."

And so he stood in the exact same spot, his limbs unable to reach out, his lips unable to utter an apology. He watched her exit his apartment one last time and he wondered what god he had pissed that brought so much shit in the short span of his whole life.

Had he not suffered enough?

Why did he have to go through this again?

Clover wasn't even anything special to him damn it!

So why did it feel like his heart was being ripped away from him once again?

"they left us alone, the kids in the dark"

15 years ago

Zoey was always made up the most fun gClo.

"It's like this," she whispered her smile big and bright, "We're going to play a game."

"But I'm hungry," Gray whined.

She shook her head. "Me, too," she told him with a nod. "But there's a big, ugly troll guarding the kitchen." Gray's eyes widened in horror.

"Papa's going to get eaten!" he was horrified and worried. What could a five year old boy do to save his dad?

"He won't," she assures him and he believed her. Why would Zoey lie to him in the first place? She wouldn't. "But he can't get the food because he's too big to be ninjas."

Gray's eyes widened in awe.

Ninjas were the coolest.

"So we're gonna be sneaky ninjas and go to the kitchen," she explained to him, "Then we're gonna make pb&j sammiches and we're gonna sneak back up very quietly or else the troll with get us. Do you understand?" she asked, her voice very low. Gray nodded eagerly. He could be wouldn't mess up being a ninja with Zoey.

"Ready to play, Gray?" Zoey asked, holding out a hand for him to take.

Gray nodded once again and took her hand.

And so, Zoey and Gray sneaked out of their room, tip toed down the hall and staircase until they reached the kitchen where he heard the growls of the troll.

"Zoey…" he whispered, scared.

She held his hands tighter and smiled at him her favourite smile and then, he want so scared anymore.

"to burn out forever, or light up a spark"

10 years ago.

It was hot.

Gray and Zoey were in their room. Zoey was reading a book with an apple in the cover and Gray was playing with Pokemon cards.

"It's so hot," Gray complained.

Zoey nodded, grabbing the makeshift fan she made and began fanning him. The warm breeze was very much appreciated.

"Aren't you hot?" Gray asked, eyeing the long sleeve shirt Zoey wore.

It was the middle of summer. Why would she wear her winter clothes?

"I'm a little cold," she told him, smiling.

He could see the sweat dripping at the side of her face. Gray frowned.

"I can fan you if you want," he offered. "We can take turns. Or we can move to Iceland. I bet it's cold there."

"Iceland. That's great idea, actually." Zoey laughed, ruffling his hair before placing a small kiss on his forehead. He didn't know what was so funny but he liked Zoey's laugh so he didn't care. "No need to fan me too, Gray," she assured him, "I'm okay."

"we come together, state of the art,"

8 years ago.

He knew why Zoey wore winter clothes during summer now. Gray hated himself for not being strong enough to save her. Gray hated himself for not figuring out sooner.

It hurt in his arms and legs and and his chest and his cheek. But it hurt the most in his heart.

"Zoey!" Gray cried out. "Zoey!"

"You little slut," his Papa swore, venom in his voice as he picked up Zoey by the hair, pulling her up to slap her face. Gray could see that it was hurting his sister but she didn't cry like Gray was crying.

"Zoey!" Gray called out but he couldn't protect her. He couldn't get to her. He hurt too much.

Zoey yelled something but their Papa just slapped her again and she never cried. He was the one crying, clutching his stomach as he lay by the wall of the living room, helpless, powerless.

Then he saw Zoey flinch and Gray didn't want his sister to hurt anymore.

"Stop!" Gray cried out, pushing himself up and grabbing on his Papa's arm to stop him from hurting Zoey. "Stop, please, stop. Don't hurt Zoey, Papa. Please."

Their father just pushed him away like he was nothing.

"Stay out of this, son," he spat. "I need to teach your sister a lesson."

"we'll never surrender, the kids in the dark, so let the world sing"

6 years ago.

"Hurry up, Gray," Zoey urged as he stuffed his backpack with clothes and his toothbrush and all the money he saved on his jar. He's been doing odd jobs to save money like mowing lawns, shoveling snow, or walking their neighbour's dog. He was saving the money so that he and Zoey could leave this awful place soon. She was throwing more of his clothes in his bed, folding his bed sheets over them and tying it securely so none fell off.

"Zoey, what's going on?" he asked as Zoey closed his bedroom door quietly and pulled him down the house sneakily.

She didn't say anything until they reached the car parked in front of their house. A girl Gray didn't know was on the driver's seat and Zoey pushed their stuff on the back seat, pushing Gray inside as well.

"Buckle up, baby bro," she said, a smile big and bright on her face. Through her smile,he saw the hesitancy in them but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. "We're running away."

Gray's eyes widened. This was something he'd been dreaming of, wishing for, since the day he saw their father hitting Zoey. He couldn't believe that it was actually happening.

"We don't have money," Gray protested but he had buckled in and let Zoey close the car's door.

"Don't worry about that," she said, giving him one of those smiles he loved so much— the ones that promised that she would make everything better. "I got a job where we're heading."

"But how?"

Zoey shook her head and nodded to her friend. "Don't worry, Gray," she assured him, "I'll take care of everything. We'll be okay."

"what a shame, beautiful scars on critical veins"

5 years ago.

His name was Blake Livingston.

He lived at the apartment across theirs. Zoey and Gray found a fairly small apartment in the city. Zoey had a full time, minimum wage job and Gray took got a part time job once he'd turned fifteen to help out.

During the first few months of them living there, he'd been terrified of their father finding them and punishing them for running away. But it had been a year and Gray was certain he would never see the man ever again.

"He so damn annoying," Zoey complained as she placed the bouquet of flowers on their kitchen table.

"Maybe you can ask him for money or food instead of flowers," Gray said, "We could use a PS4."

"Fuck off," Zoey said, throwing one of the flowers at him. Gray didn't miss the smile playing on her lips as she picked on the bouquet.

He finished the pasta and made a plate for him and Zoey while his sister complained about how annoying their neighbour was.

"So what are you gonna do?" he asked, taking a mouthful of dinner. "He's so old."

Zoey rolled her eyes at him. "He's only twenty-two. That's like, three years older than me."

Gray smirked and Zoey blushed at her words. She'd slipped. Of the months she'd been complaining about him, turns out that she actually liked Blake enough to defend his age.

"So you're gonna go out with him?"

She chuckled, throwing a meatball towards him. He'd dodged it easily. "Nah," she said, "Way out of my league. Plus, I'm going back to school."

"Shit. Really?"

Zoey gave him a funny look. "I'm like, a seven on a good day, Gray," she said, completely missing his point. "He's like, a ten."

He glared at her. "I mean about school, wierdo," Gray grumbled.

She nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I was scared that dad will find us if I apply for college, which is totally stupid because he was hardly sober enough to drive a car."

"So what course are you gonna do?"

"Programming," she answered quickly. "It's going to be a four year degree but I'm taking it part time."

"I'm happy for you." and he was. His sister was smart. She deserved the best.

Zoey grinned. "Well, to celebrate," she said enthusiastically, "Maybe you should take out the garbage tonight."

Gray laughed, expecting that. "Yeah, whatever."

They finished dinner quickly and Zoey headed to the bathroom to shower and do her girly rituals before going to bed. Gray decided to use that time to take out the garbage before Zoey started whining.

When he opens the door to get out, he found Blake standing there, ready to knock.

"Can I help you?" Gray wondered.

Blake smiled. "Yeah, actually," he said, "Wanna get some drinks or something?"

"I'm fifteen," Gray dead panned.

"For a milkshake, I mean," Blake corrected himself. "Actually, there's a bubble tea place down the block and they have these great popping bubbles." He was looking at Gray nervously as Gray watched him with a blank expression, trying to figure out what he was playing.

"My treat," Blake offered.

Well. Those were his favourite words in that particular order.

"Right," he said. "Let me just tell Zoey."

Bubble tea was amazing.

Gray didn't know how he lived his life without ever having one before. That shit was downright orgasmic.

"I like Zoey," Blake told him in the middle of their talk of Guild Wars 2.

Gray watched him warily, shuffling the deck of cards in his hand. "I know," Gray said. "So what are you gonna do about it?"

"You cool with that, though?" Blake wondered. "I mean I just want you to know I'll be good to her."

"Why do you care what I think?"

"You're important to her," Blake said, "And I'd like us to be friends."

"What? Are you gonna use me to get close to my siste?"

Blake shook his head. "No," he answered honestly, "You're all Zo has. And I'm betting she's all you have too. But that's going to be different now. I'm going to be around for a long time. It would be hard to get you Christmas presents if we don't know each other."

Gray had always liked Blake. This proved that he was good for Zoey. "You can win my friendship by getting me a PS4."

Blake laughed. "Yeah, maybe when I get a promotion."

Gray looked horrified; he didn't actually want Gray to get them a PS4. That was expensive. "I was kidding. Don't you fucking dare buy one."

Blake just shrugged and got them a second round of bubble tea.

"here we are at the top of the hill - a hill that's quietly crumbling"

2 years ago.

"So which one are you going to?" Zoey asked.

Gray's acceptance letters with their respective campus pamphlets were spread on the kitchen table. He only had two more weeks to decide. Although he'd received his acceptances last semester, he couldn't decide on where to go. Each schools he applied to had their own pros and cons and he didn't know what the fuck to do.

"McMaster?" Zoey asked. "It's a little far but they have a really good health science program."

"Maybe." McMaster might be the best choice but they gave him the smallest scholarship. He didn't know if that was where he wanted to go.

"Waterloo has very good connections when you graduate," Blake pointed out. "So long as you don't fail. Shit is competitive there. But if you're not scared of a little competition, you should go there."

"Shut up. Let Gray decided," Zoey said, slapping him on the arm. "You're just biased because you went there."

Blake was right. UoW would have been the best choice but it was way too far. Gray didn't want to go anywhere too far from Zoey just in case there was an emergency or something.

"Maybe I'll stay local," Gray pondered. "UTM is pretty decent. And my degree's gonna say University of Toronto even though the beach is here."

Zoey frowned, as if sensing the real reason why Gray wanted to go there. "I thought you wanted to go to med school? You applied for psych at UTM."

"First of all, Zo," Gray argued. since she started going out with Blake, she'd been more relaxed. More happy. "What do you have against psycho—"

There was a knock on the door.

That was odd.

Zoey's only friend was basically just Blake. And Gray was sure that he didn't invite any of his friends over.

"One sec," Zoey said, slipping out of Blake's arms to answer the door.

Gray frowned. There were voices—male voices coming from the front door of the apartment. And then there was a laugh.

A laugh so familiar.

A laugh that brought him bad memories.

"Stay the fuck away from her!" Gray roared as he bolted out of the dining room and into the hall. He pulled Zoey back, shielding her behind him from their father. "Stay away from her," Gray hissed.

"Son," the man said, tone surprised.

"You're not welcome here," Gray spat, his blood boiling in anger for this man. "Get out."

"Gray," Zoey said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He tended, as if sensing that whatever Zoey was going to say, he wasn't going to like it.

And he was right.

"I invited him over."

Her words sliced through his heart.

"What?" He demanded, a feeling of betrayal rushing through his veins.

"Look, it's just….we can't be angry forever," Zoey told him.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could she accept this man? The man that hurt them— hurt her. He couldn't understand.

"He hurt you," Gray whispered, the nights where Zoey had cried and cried and cried running through his memories. "He's a monster, Zo."

"He's our father."

"No."

"Gray—"

"I'm out of here."

"been a while since you dressed for the kill- the kill that sent me tumbling"

1 month later.

The cheerleader outfit.

Fucking great.

Gray just finished a whole day of lectures and seminars and labs and the last thing he needed was a mega boner provided by the one girl that ruined sex for him.

He watched her from the other side of the building as she spoke to the new students about the clubs she joined and she was smiling and laughing and looked so genuinely happy.

She didn't see him but he watched her for at least another five minutes. God, he couldn't keep ping this to himself.

Gray left the building, skipping his lectures and seminars that day.

"looking up, I see a falling star and watch its fire burn into the floor"

2 months later.

"Gray!" someone had called out his name. It was from the group of girls trying to sell overpriced baked goods to students.

His usual go-to when shit like this happened (someone calling him and him too lazy to actually talk to them) was to walk away and pretend he didn't hear them. But today, it was like someone had pushed him to the table of overpriced food and into the swarm of hot girls much as he didn't even to be there.

But at the back of his mind, he knew exactly why he made his way to the group of girls.

"It's been so long!" one of the girls said to him flirtily, batting her eyelashes, stroking his arm.

Gray didn't bother with the girl though, ignoring her completely. Instead, he turned his attention to the blonde doing her best to ignore him. If he was going to dish out money from charity, he might as well get something out of it.

"What's the occasion?" he'd asked, his full attention on Clover, who seemed way too uncomfortable in the situation, which was odd because she'd never been this awkward since the first day he met her.

"Valentine's Day drive and stuff," Clover answered, shrugging, her eyes everywhere but on him. "I know it's not your thing so really, no pressure: you can go if you wanna. Don't let them keep you here."

Gray raised a brow. Her eyes still haven't met his. And it was pissing him off a little.

"Eyes up, Clo."

And automatically, she lifted her head upwards, her brown eyes that he (now admitted) missed, caused his heart to beat a little bit faster than normal.

"Maybe I'm feeling charitable today," he whispered, eyeing her out obviously. Shit. Had she gotten even hotter since the last time he saw her?

"Well," she said, a blush spreading through her cheeks, and he had to fight back the smile that tried to take over his expression. God, she was so ducking adorable. "There's cupcakes and stuff. Take your pick. Jenny's doing the cashier over there."

She pointed at the redhead girl flirting with guys to get tips. Gray didn't really pay attention as his eyes were drawn to the booth near the Jenny chick.

"I was thinking more of the lines of the kissing booth." He grinned, eyes peering at Clover.

Her blush deepened at the implication of hi words and he added that blush to the growing list of things he missed about Clover.

"Um, Livia Rockwell is manning the booth," she explained, stuttering a little, "There's a line if you'd like a turn and—"

"When are you manning it?"

Clover gulped. She looked like she was about to faint. Jesus fucking Christ. He needed her. Bad.

"I'm not actually…"

"A shame," Gray said, then he picked a single rose from the ones in the bucket at the end of the table, taking a card, scribbling something down, handing a twenty to the girl on the cash register, and handing both the card and rose to Clover.

She looked at the items on his hand, eyes wide with confusion and shock.

Slowly, hesitantly, she took the rose and his message. For a brief moment, her fingers brushed against his and it took Gray all his willpower to not pull her to him and kiss her senseless.

"See you around."

"I am left standing on the edge"

2 months and 2 weeks later.

He passed by her but she didn't notice him, too engrossed to her conversation with her friend.

He didn't know that he'd slow down his footsteps until he was practically walking snail pace, listening on their conversation.

"Wait, you went skinny dipping with Alex?" Clover's friend stated, horrified, "What the fuck? Alex is trouble with a capital T."

Gray couldn't get away from there any faster.

"wondering why we fall so hard"

3 months later.

Clover was hardly quiet. She could never shut her mouth. Even when she was trying to ignore him, he would find Clover humming or reciting something under her breath and he found it so goddamn adorable. Even when they were watching something, she would make small comments or ask stupid questions and sing with the movie or show and he fucking hated it. But when he was watching reruns with Zoey and Blake, he found himself missing the little chatters and hating the silence.

"Is this a joke?" she finally said as her eyes found Gray's. He saw the conflicting emotions in her eyes: the confusion, the joy, the sadness, the anger, the hope. It did something to his heart.

"No," he answered quietly. He was feeling embarrassed now, going to her dorm in the middle of the night and asking her to come with him to his sister's wedding as his plus one. He didn't even think about how late it was or the fact that she went skinny dipping with Alex or that she was friends with Anders. But he didn't let it show.

He was already here.

He might as well own it.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to but I figured that if I'm gonna be in a room with my dad, it might as well bring someone who doesn't make me want to kill myself." Because he knew that Zoey had invited their father and the first person who Gray wanted to be there with him was Clover. She would make things better—make him behave; take away that bit of darkness and replace it with her bright smiles and laughs.

"What?" she was smiling at him, no, beaming at him. She was half asleep when she opened the door but she was wide awake now, attention all on Gray.

"I'm going to be miserable the whole time," he told her, running his hands through his hair as he tried and pick the words to explain it nicely without seeming like a dick. "If I had to bring someone, I might as well bring someone I like."

Clover's jaw dropped and realized he'd told her he liked her. Gray braced himself. It wasn't as if he didn't mean them but he, too, was taken by surprise on how easily the words slipped out of his lips.

"You like me?"

Gray groaned. Of everything he said, this was all she got from it? Fucking hell. This was so fucking painful. He could feel his heart beating loudly on his chest , his head light from all the blood rushing up his brain.

Fuck. Clover made him feel the most inconvenient emotions.

"Don't make me repeat it."

He meant the words. But Tota didn't mean he would repeat them if she heard the first time.

She just grinned at him some more and he felt his heart skip a beat. Shit. He'd need to get that checked out. A premature heart attack was not something he wanted to deal with right now.

"Fuck it," he grumbled when she didn't say anything. He couldn't pretend to be not embarrassed anymore. Clover smiling at him like he was her world was too damn much. "Give that back to me. I take it back. I don't want you to go anymore."

She pulled the invite away from his reach, her smile growing bigger.

"I didn't know you have a sister," she noted, clutching the invitation as she moved slightly to the side to let him in her dorm.

Gray shrugged, walking in, thankful that he wasn't in public eyes anymore. "I have a dad too but I fucking hate his guts. He's going to be there and Zoey wants us to make up but I'd rather punch his face."

Clover watched him in surprise but she didn't interrupt or ask any other questions. It was as if she was trying to digest the information he was overloading but he wasn't really sure. He couldn't read her— not when she was trying her damnest to hide what she was thinking or feeling from him.

"I don't want to make Zoey any sadder so I can't do that," Gray continued, figuring that if she hadn't kicked him out or shut the door at his face, then he was doing something right. "So if you're going, make yourself useful and make sure I don't punch my dad."

Clover nodded stiffly.

"And then after the wedding?" she wondered, and he detected a layer of hopefulness in her voice.

He was expecting the question and he had prepared for it on the way to his trek here. He didn't really want to admit it but there were some nights when he would think of different scenarios in which they would find each other and talk and make up. Most of them ended with him buried deep inside her, which didn't really help his sanity as being horny and restless were the worse feelings combined.

Gray opened his mouth to answer, but he couldn't say the words. It was like his brain had stopped functioning all together.

He paled as Clover patiently waited for his answer. He knew what she wanted to hear and it was what he wanted as well.

He knew that now.

He wanted it now.

But he couldn't get the words out.

When her brows creased, it was obvious that she wasn't going to wait anymore but that wasn't what he wanted.

So instead, he decided to answer her not with words but with something else altogether.

Instead, he pulled out the spare keys from his pocket and held it out for her. It was chained on a heart keychain, the same one she had on it when she left it last December. It was a simple gesture but it held its meaning.

Clover gasped, eyes widening. He figure that she didn't expect that judging the surprise etched in her face. "Really?" she almost sounded doubtful.

Gray looked away, his face heating up at the amount of admiration she was looking him with. He nodded, unable to say anything else.

"Okay," Clover said, grinning as she snatched the keys from him before he could change his mind.

"I have conditions," he found himself saying.

Clover didn't even hesitate when she said: "Name your terms."

Taking a deep breath, he shoved his hands in his pocket, swallowing the last bit of pride he had. His conditions would put his emotions and insecurities out on the table. Even though that wouldn't be ideal— Clover having an advantage over him— having her back outweighed the cons of having his pride.

"You don't ditch me for Anders," he stated.

She nodded, putting the key and invite down on her table. "Okay."

Gray turned his eyes to meet hers and he almost couldn't believe the bright smile on her face. "Next semester, you're moving in with me."

Clover chuckled, leaning against her desk to watch him. "Isn't that a little much? A little too fast." She crossed her arms over her chest, which drew his eyes on that particular area and he had to hold himself back from doing something he would regret.

They needed to talk now. He didn't think he'd find the motivation to do this again later and he desperately needed Clover back in his life.

Gray glared at her, his mind formulating various arguments to make her agree to live with him. Like one: living on campus was expensive as fuck and she wouldn't even have to pay rent— and if she did, it would be so small it'd hardly matter. And two: she would see his face daily and what kind of moron wouldn't want that? Clover liked his face, it was a fact. But even with those two arguments in his mind, he said, "You don't fucking understand how shitty things had been without you."

The level of truth in his words shocked him. It sounded less desperate in his mind. Outloud, he just sounded pitiful and clingy and he didn't know what Clover inferred from it.

She looked like she was going to pass out and he was hoping because he was so goddamn overwhelmed with joy. "You mean it?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

He was growing impatient now. She was showing a lot skin with that shirt and short shorts of hers and he couldn't ignore how hot she was making him.

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

"No," she answered, smiling at him. "Continue with your conditions."

"No other guys, Clo. You're mine."

"Of course," she agreed completely.

"Especially not Alex."

He saw a frown made its way down her lips. "Who's Alex?"

"The guy you went skinny dipping with?"

Clover laughed. She laughed. At him.

He was getting a little bit pissed.

"Alexandra?" she asked and Gray never felt so embarrassed his whole life until now. "And I didn't. Go skinny dipping, that is. I'm too much of a wuss. It's too cold outside."

Relief washed over him and he was far too deep to even hide it. "Thank fuck."

"You were jealous." She beamed at him and how could he be pissed when she was so fucking adorable? She took two steps towards him and wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her face in his chest and he could her warmth and her curves and her softness and fuck he just wanted to stay like that forever.

"Whatever," he muttered, pulling his arms around her, too. Clover looked up from where she was standing, her eyes sparkling with joy and excitement. He felt so damn embarrassed.

"Stop looking at me like that."

And then she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulled him down, and kissed him.

When her soft lips had touched his, he didn't hesitate on pulling her shorts down, hooking his fingers on the bands of her underwear and left it around her ankles with her shorts. He kissed her deeply, tongue exploring her mouth, hands touching her skin, grabbing her hair.

Shit.

This was happening and he'd be damned if he didn't do it fast. Clover gasped at his quick reaction, her nails digging in his back through his shirt and fuck him if that didn't turn him on.

Gray's fingers found her clit soon enough and fuck she was drenched. He felt himself grinning against her lips, and when she pulled away, he quickly grabbed hold of the hair on the base of her head, his mouth capturing hers in a hard, brutal kiss. Clover was eager to kiss back just as roughly, her moans sending shivers down his body. She was so willing and so hot and so fucking wet for him.

Fuck, he needed to be in her soon.

There was no time for foreplay.

He'd had too many fantasies of this and he wasn't going to waste any more second to have her.

Unbuckling his belt, Gray pulled out his aching hardon and in one quick thrust, he was pushing-struggling— to get inside her. He was barely. He didn't remember her being so tight.

"Gray!" she cried out,her fingers digging into his back.

He wasn't in yet— at least not fully— but he knew he wasn't going to last long.

"Ready, baby?" he asked, his voice hoarse, dripping with lust. She didn't get to answer as Gray was already pulling out and pushing in again and again, slipping in a little deeper and deeper inside the little freshman until he had his whole length inside her.

"Shit, Clo," he swore, concentrating on the tightness and the warmth and the slickness of her around him. "I'm not gonna last long." But she just held onto him tighter and he began a steady rhythm, enjoying the feel of her. He was trying to go slow and softly because, well, he didn't want to hurt her but Clover just felt so fucking good.

"Gray!" she cried out his name over and over and over the moment he began thrusting into her hard and fast and deep.

She was so fucking loud and he enjoyed every second of it. Her screams were music to his ears. It egged him to go faster. To pound her harder. To drive in deeper. To take her savagely and mercilessly and animalistically. He was biting on her skin, sucking on her tender flesh as if he was marking her— creating something that showed that she was his and no one else could have her but him.

And then, suddenly, she felt tighter, slicker, hotter and it was just so fucking much that he felt his own release. His fingers tightened around her hips as he pushed himself deep inside her when he came. And then, the fact that he'd came inside her just snapped something in him and began to drive in her again.

"Fucking hell, Clo," he swore as he continued his thrust until exhaustion can over him. Clover didn't protest, she held onto the ride, crying out in pleasure and telling him to don't stop, please, please, please don't stop and he rode deep and hard into her until he couldn't anymore.

Gray pulled out and slumped on her bed, panting and satisfied but appetite not yet satiated.

"Come here," he whispered, patting the empty space on the bed, and Clover eagerly joined him, cuddling close to his body. She made herself comfortable, resting her head against his chest, an arm around his waist and her legs tangled with his.

When her soft breast pressed against his chest, it was like he'd been recharged with energy. Clover wanted to sleep but he had other plans, though.

And so he fucked her on her bed. Against the wall. On her desk. Against the door. On the chair. By the window. On the window. Until she had passed out from exertion and even though he realized that fucking her while passed out from having him fuck her turned him on, he let her sleep and just held her in his arms.

"Don't leave me ever again," he whispered, kissing her lightly on the shoulders as the cuddled on her small bed.

Clover wrapped her arms around him, kissing him on the chest sleepily. "Don't leave me too," she echoed.

Gray chuckled, placing his lips gently on the top of her head.

The bed was too small. He wouldn't be able to sleep.

But that was okay. He watched her sleep, loving the expressions she made while she dreamt and wondered what she was dreaming about. He watched her until he felt his own eyes drop.

"why we fall so hard"

1 year and 4 months later

"They're looking for us," Clover argued but she was already bent forward, not resisting when Gray pulled her underwear down to her knees, his breath hot on her thighs.

Fuck, she was already wet for him. Ready for him. He took a deep breath, and the scent of her dizzying him.

"Just say congrats, Clo," he whispered, tongue tasting the inside of her thighs, trailing upwards until it reached just before her core. She moaned and pushed her body towards his mouth.

"Gray, they might hear us," she protested but she was grinding her body, twisting and struggling for her release. Gray had never been so fucking hard. His little Clover was such a slut for him. Just the thought of fucking her in a small office while his family and friends were outside celebrating his graduation was just so fucking hot.

Gray held onto her, keeping her in place. How could he tease her when she was squirming all over him? "Then make sure to stay real quiet, baby."

He licked her through the drenched lace of her underwear and Clover gasped.

He continued to tease her— giving little nips and kisses on her lace-covered clit, his tongue hovering over her eager cunt, and his dirty words whispered against her skin.

She was whimpering now and then, he couldn't take it anymore. The bulge in his jeans was hurting him but her cries so fucking sweet that he couldn't stop the teasing.

Zoey found them twenty minutes later, with Clover bent over the desk, dress bunched over her waist and Gray with his pants down, shirt unbuttoned, thrusting deep into Clover.

"Shit, lock the door next time," Zoey swore before closing the door.

"Oh, no," Clover whispered, pushing Gray away. She fixed her dress and ran her fingers through her hair, attempting to fix the mess that he had caused. "No, no, no, no."

"What are you panicking about?" he asked, rolling his eye.

"Your sister walked in on us!" she said, face paling. "Oh my god," she muttered, "I won't be able to look at her in the eyes anymore."

She was so fucking adorable. Gray needed to get back inside her and fuck her until she was screaming and everyone knew exactly where they were and what they were doing.

"Relax, Clo."

"I can't," she muttered. "What do we do? Gray, this is so mortifying. I don't know what—"

"I love you."

Clover gasped. "What?"

He was surprised by his words too but he felt that they were the biggest truth he'd ever said. "You heard me."

Her eyes widened as she stared at him in awe. "Why?" she asked like she couldn't believe him.

"Why not?" He sounded so serious, so sincere. Because why shouldn't he love her? She was fucking amazing. She took care of him and made him so damn happy. Of course he would love her. She was shitty at staying quiet but he loved her cries of pleasure and how she could never run out of things to say and how she would tell him all her feelings and everything that reminded her of him throughout her day.

How could he not love her?

His words, appearently were good enough of an answer as Clover kissed him thoroughly, the panic forgotten, and he bent her over the desk again and took her from behind until he'd come deep inside her.

Zoey dropped a few jokes at their expense but Gray wasn't bothered by them. Clover looked like she wanted to stab herself with her spoon and Gray enjoyed watching her squirm under Zoey's cruel jokes.

"I love you," he whispered in her ears and then, she would perk up and kiss him on the cheek and he would love her even more. And then he would say it when she was making him breakfast because he would feel it deep in his heart. And when she was tending her cacti. And when she was making popcorn in his clothes. And when she smiled and when she argued with him. And when she wakes up in the morning to tell him to drive safely before going back to bed. When she was contemplating on a hard question and she would pout at the question and state hard on her paper. He loved it all. He loved her.

So.

Fucking.

Much.