No Sleep.

The ugliness of the skin, filled by
spider webs of purple, green and blue,
try to find a pore that doesn't resent
the light of the sun, I dare you. I've
been daydreaming and sleepwalking far
too long, I'm afraid I'm not awake anymore.

Carried away by moments no longer heavy
on my tongue, feel the pressure, choke,
let it go. How does it feel to be big enough
to carry your own soul? I spill into myself,
I get carried away trying to shrink into
my blues, too anxious, too small to matter.

Sing a tune or two, was it difficult today
as it's been before? We've had this conversation,
I bite my lips bloody and wonder: how long
do I have to look, up, down, am I human enough?
Silence meets low, on self-esteem, on love,
on talent, on being something other than lost.

Cry, bite, whine, sigh, I paint it all,
self sabotage is the sweetest pain I've
known and it taunts me from the corner of
every room, how can I forget myself? Self
pity is a gracious host, such a willing soul,
how to refuse? Bruised ego and down turned smile.

Scared of every step, dancing around myself,
I'm so numb, but we knew that from the start,
emptiness can't be filled with the sour taste
of forced love, and the guilt that covers the
rest of the road paints a strange picture. Give
it a rest: 1, 2, 3, you'll stay awake anyway.