Petals Dance

My heart beats faster and faster.

I can't handle the thrill.

It all threatens to overflow out of me.

I can't let it out into the world.

I can see my bones peeking out at me.

A smile spreads along my lips.

I am happy and I want more and more.

The more my bones peek out at me,

The more satisfied I am with my hard work.

Do I eat or do I not eat?

This is the constant question in my head.

To eat is to take in poison.

To not eat is to reject something I know I need.

Do I want to heal or do I not want to heal?

I want to heal and be super skinny.

Is that so bad?

Apparently it is according to my body.

I can't fly away from this.

I have to stand and fight.

Why can't this spell be broken?

Why can't I accept myself?

I want to shatter the mirror.

I don't like what I see.

My stomach pokes out.

Why can't I look yummy?

Why can't I look desirable?

The petals dance inside of me.

I want to just fall in love and never look back.

This is dangerous I know.

Every part of me screams out.

I can't stand this burning deep inside of me.

I have to satisfy this somehow.

The blade that fills my eyes looks so good.

I want its coolness up against my pale flesh.

I want to feel the heated blood run down my arm.

The splits in my skin are so satisfying.

That's all I can see.

I'm blind and so therefore I can't see very far.

I burst into shudders of excitement.

I just can't help myself.

This is me and this is what my heart wants.

I'm used to the pain.

Every part of me craves more and more.

It's like a very bad drug.

I don't think I can handle this.

I'm already in over my head.

I'm drowning.

I'm surrounded by this strange person I've become.

Will I die, will I die?

I don't know, but maybe I really want to die.

Dare I dance just at the edge of the cliff?

What happens if I go over the edge?

I'm in such a whirlwind.

The inside of me is such a mess.

There is just way too much to dissect.

There is just way too much to figure out.

The scars remain.

I can't help but to lick and kiss it them.

I suck on them and pick them until they bleed once more.

I love blood and I love death.

I walk a blind path to nowhere.

I'll return into the dust if I don't stop.

Is there any hope at all?

I'm drifting in the middle of a storm.

All I can do is pray.