My heart beats faster and faster.
I can't handle the thrill.
It all threatens to overflow out of me.
I can't let it out into the world.
I can see my bones peeking out at me.
A smile spreads along my lips.
I am happy and I want more and more.
The more my bones peek out at me,
The more satisfied I am with my hard work.
Do I eat or do I not eat?
This is the constant question in my head.
To eat is to take in poison.
To not eat is to reject something I know I need.
Do I want to heal or do I not want to heal?
I want to heal and be super skinny.
Is that so bad?
Apparently it is according to my body.
I can't fly away from this.
I have to stand and fight.
Why can't this spell be broken?
Why can't I accept myself?
I want to shatter the mirror.
I don't like what I see.
My stomach pokes out.
Why can't I look yummy?
Why can't I look desirable?
The petals dance inside of me.
I want to just fall in love and never look back.
This is dangerous I know.
Every part of me screams out.
I can't stand this burning deep inside of me.
I have to satisfy this somehow.
The blade that fills my eyes looks so good.
I want its coolness up against my pale flesh.
I want to feel the heated blood run down my arm.
The splits in my skin are so satisfying.
That's all I can see.
I'm blind and so therefore I can't see very far.
I burst into shudders of excitement.
I just can't help myself.
This is me and this is what my heart wants.
I'm used to the pain.
Every part of me craves more and more.
It's like a very bad drug.
I don't think I can handle this.
I'm already in over my head.
I'm surrounded by this strange person I've become.
Will I die, will I die?
I don't know, but maybe I really want to die.
Dare I dance just at the edge of the cliff?
What happens if I go over the edge?
I'm in such a whirlwind.
The inside of me is such a mess.
There is just way too much to dissect.
There is just way too much to figure out.
The scars remain.
I can't help but to lick and kiss it them.
I suck on them and pick them until they bleed once more.
I love blood and I love death.
I walk a blind path to nowhere.
I'll return into the dust if I don't stop.
Is there any hope at all?
I'm drifting in the middle of a storm.
All I can do is pray.