January 25: "A word left unspoken"
- Best Left Unsaid -
She stood with her mouth hanging open, struggling to bring up the words she knew were there. She had so much that she wanted to say, needed to say. She rehearsed the words so many times. Whenever she was alone, really. The thoughts kept coming up.
While in the shower. Doing the dishes. Getting ready for work. Trying to fall asleep. Folding laundry. Sitting alone at lunch. If she allowed her mind to wander, it would inevitably wind up here. At this thought. This all consuming plead for her to speak up. To tell him how she felt.
Yet she couldn't. She'd psych herself up before seeing him. She'd remind herself that she was strong. She told herself that she could handle the repercussions. Anything was better than her keeping this in, eating away at her. Life would be better if he just knew.
Then she'd see him and crumble. She wasn't strong. There were hundreds of repercussions she'd want to avoid at all cost. Keeping it all in, keeping the status quo, was what got her through the day. She couldn't handle if their dynamic took a turn for the worst. Life could become unbearable if he knew.
What would he do with the information anyway? How would he feel? Would he laugh her off? Would he think her too emotional, or take it too emotionally himself? Would he make working together far more awkward? Would he call her crazy? Would their manager have to step in?
A hundred "what ifs" would race through her head every time she saw him, so she kept quiet. Countless scenarios manifested in the second it took for her to open her mouth, that she'd always land on simply saying "hi."
"Tomorrow," she promised herself. "Tomorrow I'll say something to him. It has to be said." The beauty of tomorrows being that they never arrive. They remain an unbroken promise on the horizon.
She could handle that. She wasn't planning on staying in this job forever, and she doubted he was going to make it a career either. Eventually one of them will leave, and then she'll be free. She won't see his face everyday. Those feelings won't bubble up. She won't shrink in a panic and just awkwardly wave with far too may teeth showing in her smile. Then she could move on. Forget him. Find simple joy in life again.
She didn't need to tell him. She was sure he knew anyway. She had a feeling everyone knew, and was just being polite. As much as she hated to admit it. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She tried to hide how she felt, but everyone always knew, all her life. She was too transparent.
"Yes," she convinced herself, "everyone already knows the truth. It won't do any good to voice it. Just move on."
She'd keep writing letters she'll never send, and rehearse her speech whenever she was alone, but she knew she'd never actually tell him. It was best that way.
She was positive he already knew she thought he was a complete idiot who was still employed because he had to be banging the boss. Saying so to him would be redundant. So instead, she said "hi."
**A/N: To be honest, I'm not sure where that twist came from. I was going full-blown cliche with a love confession. Then, right around the paragraph where she was rationalizing that they weren't going to be in the same job forever I realized that my protag actually HATED the dude. I was dealing with a lot of work-drama at the time, centered around an IDIOT co-worker and the equally moronic manager we all joked she was hooking up with, so I'm sure that's how my brain jumped from love confession to this ending. Working my way through stress one writing practice at a time! ^_^
Well, this is the last of the practices I had pre-written, I'm now caught up. I just need to get back to working on them. However, I have been working on a fanfic this past month for Camp NaNoWriMo, so it may be a little bit before I post more here. Still, stay tuned and don't forget to check in on my FanFiction account.**