Did you know some people are afraid of peanut butter sticking to the roof of their mouth?
It's true, there's even a name for it—
arachibutyrophobia.

Apparently, arachybutirophobes are scared they'll asphyxiate on peanut butter;
which makes no sense unless you regularly spoon heaping gobs of Jif or Schmuckers into your mouth
or you don't chew properly because your parents didn't teach you table manners
or you're a savage.

Otherwise, just spread two tablespoons of peanut butter on your PB&J—
that's the recommended serving size.
I'd laugh if you told me you had this fear because it's ridiculous!
Nobody should be scared of peanut butter.

Well…
maybe one person...
A girl I heard about once,
who ate a PB&J sandwich.
No, the peanut butter didn't choke her,
but hid in the gaps of her molars and the hard ridges nestled above her tongue, waiting.
Hours later, she sat next to a boy at the movies,
her hands in his hair and his arms at her waist and their mouths sealed together
as his tongue slid over the roof of her mouth-
the roof of her mouth where leftover particles of peanut butter lingered-
which sent tingles to his tongue to his mouth to
his throat to all over his skin inside and out and
by the time he realized the feeling wasn't love but an allergic reaction
it was too late.
He turned blue in her arms.