"It never should have escalated this far." Jesse whispered as his head fall against his chest, heavy eyelids hanging over glazed grayish blue eyes. The tears had long since dried but he could still feel their trails over his cheeks. He could still taste them. His fingers twitched on the window sill while he tried to calm his nerves. Trying desperately to relax despite himself. Jesse was so tired of it all. The pain and the lies. Combined they had built a wall around him, each memory a stone stacked so thickly he didn't think he'd be able to break free.

He'd been foolish to think he could handle all of this on his own. He knew that now. But it was too late to ask for help. He'd pushed away anyone who could help him, everyone who cared. He'd been cruel, lying to them. Ignoring and disappointing them. Jesse knew they wouldn't help him now and he couldn't ask them to forgive him. Seth had turned his back on him and that, he thought, was the hardest thing to bare. Right now he'd do anything to feel that reassuring, comforting affection. To see his smile and feel like everything was going to be okay. But it was gone now.

Jesse lifted his head, black hair falling across his eyes as he stared at the setting sun between the large buildings of the city. Its warmth was dying now, letting the cold embrace of night slowly creep upon the world. That chill moved through the glass, invading his bones and numbing him. Against the aches and pains that inability felt like a blessing.

Hesitantly, he pushed himself away from the window. Every footfall felt sluggish and heavy as he crossed his room, finding the utility knife he'd thrown when he believed he was strong enough to overcome everything. Every breath felt strenuous and forced as he bent down, grasping it tightly in his shaking hands. There was no turning back now. Turning towards his desk Jesse fell into his chair and pulled out his notebook, chocking back tears as he wrote the notes to his parents, to his sister and finally, to Seth. They all deserved to know why. To know the truth. More then anything he wanted them to know how sorry he was for how he'd been acting and what he was about to do. Even if they didn't understand why it was his only option.

"Better I do it myself then give them the pleasure." He whispered bitterly.

With trembling fingers Jesse extended the blade of the knife, entranced by the reflections of his bedroom light upon it. Like dancing streaks of life, untouchable and fleeting. With a deep, painful breath Jesse pressed the blade against his wrist, feeling his rapid pulse try to push it away. Tears fell freely. There was no strength left within him to hold them back. Alone, there was no reason to force composure and pretend that he was okay. "I'm weak." Jesse murmured, having learned the hard way that those words were true.

Glancing at his guitar, broken in its case against the wall Jesse hesitated. All this time he'd been suffering in silence, but not this time. Leaning forward he turned on his computer, clicking on his favorite band and turned the music up so loud it drowned out his thoughts and doubts. It had to be now, if he didn't do it now then everything would only get worse. Closing his eyes Jesse pulled the blade across his skin, tough this time he pressed down harder and cut deeper. This time it was for real.

Jesse's eyes widened when he saw the blood flowing from the fresh laceration. He'd never seen so much blood so quickly. He shook his head, bringing forth a wave of dizziness and nausea. Swallowing the bile in his throat, feeling that burning sensation in his lungs Jesse sobbed. He tried to switch the knife to his other hand, but his hands were shaking too hard now. His fingers stumbled with the blade and he watched helplessly as it fell onto the floor.

Kneeling down to retrieve his fallen friend Jesse collapsed. Blood soaked into the plush carpet, staining it red while his heartbeat echoed within his ears. The pain in his chest intensified. Jesse felt the empty touch of darkness pulling him further down. Dragging him away from himself. This was it. This was the grand conclusion of his life's story. Jesse tried to laugh, but all he could manage was a weak, staggering groan as he slid the knife across his other wrist.

He wasn't sure if his vision was blurring from the tears, or the loss of blood and difficulty breathing, but in his fading, distorted sight he swore he saw Seth. A distant blob of shapes and colors racing toward him, desperately calling his name.

Jesse let his eyes close, letting go of the light and the life still clinging to him. Against the darkness he could see everything. The merciless beatings and disappointed eyes of the past week flashed like a violent strobe light. Every cruel word, every argument and lie echoed beneath the music and the sound of his own name on a familiar voice until there was nothing.