Susana Martinez, the governor of New Mexico, has announced that she tore her ACL in a recent skiing accident, and admits she shouldn't have been skiing and vetoing legislation at the same time.
"We're keeping a close eye on it," reports her doctor. "After all, this was how the zombie apocalypse got started."
Meanwhile, the New Mexico senate has determined that some of Governor Martinez's vetoes don't count.
"As everybody knows," a spokesman for the senate insisted, "a torn ACL automatically disqualifies a veto. Besides," the spokesman continued, "a veto is not a sentient being, and therefore cannot perform even the most basic forms of math, such as counting."
A recent poll reveals that a majority of the American people believe the United States Supreme Court is split along political lines.
"Let me assure the American public that THAT is completely untrue," Chief Justice John Roberts said, unassuringly.
"You don't speak for me, you conservative hack!" cackled Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, deftly avoiding a bucket of water tossed at her by a young girl in a blue dress.
In a related poll of the obvious, it was determined that lungs are necessary for us to breathe.
According to USA Today, congratulations are in order for actress Amanda Seyfried and Thomas Sadoski. What for? I don't know, I only read the Las Cruces Bulletin.
Road closures on Melendres and Hadley Avenues will begin on March 17th, which has already passed, so never mind.
The New Mexico nine dollar minimum wage bill is on its way to the governor's desk. Will she sign it? Won't she?
Poker-faced, our shrewd Governor will only admit, "My ACL really hurts."
In breaking news, Indiana FIRES men's basketball coach Tom Crean after nine seasons, despite his sad handicap of not knowing how to properly spell "cream."
Readers of the Las Cruces Bulletin quickly respond, "Hey! We live in New Mexico, buddy. Why are you reporting on something that happened in Indiana?"
A contrite, but still proud, Jim Duchene quietly retracts his story.