When I was a kid I had a terrible relationship with my dad

The reasons,

because of distance

because of the drinking

because them being my family didn't make them each other's

because it was decided to be best for me

I was a kid, so I accepted this as fact

Whenever I thought different I told myself the same things,

when I grow up I'll get to choose

when I grow up I'll be able to make my own decisions

when I grow up I'll be able to have things my way

when I grow up I'll know things myself

But I never got to grow up

When I was 13 years old my dad passed away with no warning

And no way to excuse my behavior with

but I was young

but I didn't have a choice

but now we can change things

but now I understand

Instead, there are no reasons or excuses

Only regret

Now I'm left with only questions

And broken dreams of what could have been

But never can be