There is a hollowness
That lives inside my chest,
Resting patiently for the day that I give up.
He resides behind my ribs,
Where my heart and lungs should be.
Maybe this is why my breathing
Gasps in and out of my shaking lips,
Aching for a peace that I can
Never give myself.
This is why I take Happy Pills.
I take one in the morning and
Two at night to keep my soul
In my body.
The one in the morning is supposed to
Fill the emptiness in my chest with
The cuts in my wrists do a better job at it
Than this tiny capsule.
The first one at night is supposed to
Keep my extreme lacking of emotions in check,
To many my explosive moroseness and
Acidic anxiety tucked away.
The poetry I write does more than
This bitter tasting medication.
The last one at night is supposed to shrink
My insomniac thought small enough that they
Slip into my bloodstream and bleed out
From my slashed thighs
To my sheets.
This is the only pill that lets
The exhaustion from my mind
Turn into the exhaustion from my body and
Lets me find solace in obLIviON.
the alteration of
The chemicals in my head
Makes me smile at my friends and
Cry in my dorm.
Some days, not even
My masks can make those near me
Think I'm doing okay.
I imagine that my pills will
Only work if I down them all at once.
I've tried so many kinds of medications
I doubt there are more
Concoctions I can down to
Change my imbalance of chemical,
Yet I still try,
Not for the sake of saving my body,
But for the sake of saving my mind.