There is a hollowness

That lives inside my chest,

Resting patiently for the day that I give up.

He resides behind my ribs,

Where my heart and lungs should be.

Maybe this is why my breathing

Gasps in and out of my shaking lips,

Aching for a peace that I can

Never give myself.

.

This is why I take Happy Pills.

.

I take one in the morning and

Two at night to keep my soul

In my body.

.

20 mg.

The one in the morning is supposed to

Fill the emptiness in my chest with

Artificial feeling.

The cuts in my wrists do a better job at it

Than this tiny capsule.

.

200 mg.

The first one at night is supposed to

Keep my extreme lacking of emotions in check,

To many my explosive moroseness and

Acidic anxiety tucked away.

The poetry I write does more than

This bitter tasting medication.

.

50 mg.

The last one at night is supposed to shrink

My insomniac thought small enough that they

Slip into my bloodstream and bleed out

From my slashed thighs

To my sheets.

This is the only pill that lets

The exhaustion from my mind

Turn into the exhaustion from my body and

Lets me find solace in obLIviON.

.

Some days,

the alteration of

The chemicals in my head

Makes me smile at my friends and

Cry in my dorm.

.

Some days, not even

My masks can make those near me

Think I'm doing okay.

.

Other days,

I imagine that my pills will

Only work if I down them all at once.

.

I've tried so many kinds of medications

I doubt there are more

Concoctions I can down to

Change my imbalance of chemical,

Yet I still try,

Not for the sake of saving my body,

But for the sake of saving my mind.