I wish I could see you.

I miss you so much.

And I still feel

That you're not

Allowing me

To chat to you.

Not how I would like.

Though through

This time

It's important that

You sort through

Your problems

It doesn't mean

Cutting me out.

I miss the way we hold each other.

Miss the way we laugh together.

On your birthday

You probably noticed

I wasn't entirely

Happy.

I respected

And understood

That you wanted

Me there.

But just as a

Friend.

What you probably

Didn't know

Was that when I first

Saw you there

Just sat

Completely lost

In your own warped thoughts

And your anticipation

Due to seeing me

My heart beat

The fastest it'd ever beaten

For the longest time.

It finally reminded me

That I'm alive.

All throughout your special day

I was dying to hug you.

Kiss you.

But I knew you wanted distance.

And then

Just as you said

That our time

Together

Had drawn to close

I sat on that wall

With you there beside me...

My heart finally

Shattered to pieces.

I knew that

No matter how much

I tried to hide my feelings

To make sure you had a great day

That you'd witnessed it regardless.

Even when you're feeling better

I'll still love you

You know?

You might say

That we are to be only friends.

And I just know that

I'll be sat there

Next to you

On countless occasions

Pretending that I'm fine

When really

I know that your love

Would no longer be existent

For me.

Or at least buried

And left to decay.

If that were the case

Then surely

Your love

May as well have been

Meaningless?

The problem is not

Us.

The problem is

Something else.

I know it.

I'm tearing myself

Apart.

Being away from you

Is like I'm being

Constantly haunted.

Haunted

By the memory of you

Embracing me.

While every night

Everything may seem

Clearer to you

The hallway to being

With you

Is darkening

For me.

It's nearly two in the morning

Right now.

I want to sleep

But I'm hurting.

You matter to me.

So much.

I want to hold you.

I want to know that the

Times ahead

Won't be just us

As close friends.

I know that if we were

My heart wouldn't

Be able

To

Take it.

I pray that we can both get through this.

I pray that you won't leave me.

Even now

My heart's slowly breaking.

I just want to be with you again.

Want you to stop being so

Cold.

So distant.

I pray that sometime

When I'm reading this back

I'm smiling.

And that you're there

Beside me

Smiling too.

Because we'd be looking back

Realising

Just how strong we are.

Please don't end what

We have

Now.

Use this time

This opportunity

To understand

That we can grow from this.

That nothing else

No other burdens can

Muscle in and

Infect us.

And please understand

That I long for you.

And even if we are

Friends

If one of us

Reads this

In the future...

Know that

My concern

My love

My longing...

All of it will

Always

Remain.

Being 'Just Friends'

Would never change

How I would feel

Towards you.

Know that

Internally

I would never

Be rid of

My Love

Which is you.

For my heart

Would be forever

Breaking.

For I would know

That we'd lost each other

And we had never even

Needed to...