I don't know what it is, but I know it is there.
And I don't let it bother me because it leaves me alone
most of the time
- we just share a space.
And when IT is here
the cat's moon eyes get big
and her tail swishes back and forth and
I know she sees things that I cannot so
I know IT is there.
Somedays I feel isolated with IT.
I won't say a word to an actual human, it will just be me and my thoughts and the cat.
And I don't even notice that I am alone,
two or three in the wee hours of the morning
and I can't sleep.
I have always attracted their kind, even when I was a young person.
Never have I let it bother me,
on my physical realm,
I was just painfully aware that
THEY were close
When THEY are close.
I have not decided whether or not
I enjoy their subtle company.
Today my brains are scrambled
with the shells still in them
blended with cheese
And heated up again.
I never thought I would end up on this realm, with the others,
screaming in my car,
finding beauty in the mold growing under the bridge,
The mirage in the road
in everything happening around me.
Because in that moment, I realized that I could have been anywhere but there that day
under that bridge, lying in the frigid waters of the creek,
soaking in the sun under the Leo skies
despite the stares and
the trees' vibrations call out to me
offering abundance in all they give off,
their branches intertwined as if they were all holding onto one another, chanting
Over and over,
but I don't know what they were saying,
the words are insignificant.
I just know now that
they have joined me
and I don't know if they are here
to tease me
or to take me in.
I am breathing in their pranas and
I am in their home now.
Faces are everywhere
as if they were hung up on the walls in frames
and not all are attractive, like mine,
Their sinister smiles peak out in the bushes,
under that green, yellow glow that surrounds us.
So blindingly beautiful,
in it's own ways
like all of us.
And I wanted to say
'I love you'
to each and everyone
but I don't know how
to form the words with my mouth
to say it adequately
like I meant it.
And it overwhelms me.
I feel so small
though I know this feeling
of in-between and
will never leave me,
it's been a weird time
I want to go home.
I just want to go home.