It had been a calm and sunny day in the open wilderness. A young lamb could be seen resting on the lawn, its eyes slowly beginning to open. It quickly hopped onto its feet, glancing around the grassy field. The lamb then promptly fell back down to the ground, simply sitting there rather idly. It was at that moment a young duck walked by.
"Hey there, Logan. Whatcha up to?" the duck asked, glancing down at his friend.
"Oh, nothing much, Dominic. Just sitting here, thinking about Holly and the parallels of how much I adore her compared to the general apathy she most likely feels for me," Logan answered.
"Hey, hey, hey there! Logan! You're acting as if she's already answered that she's not interested in you. You have no idea what her true feelings towards you are. Maybe she feels the same way!" Dominic said, trying to cheer up his dejected friend.
"Well, I suppose you've got a pretty good point there, Dommy Boy," Logan said, placing his hoof up to his chin.
"Don't call me Dommy Boy," Dominic said dryly.
"I see. Yes, very interesting. And basically what you're saying, Dommy Boy, is that I should spy on Holly and her friends to gather intel and find out whether she likes me or not," Logan stated.
"What? No! That's not what I'm suggesting at all! You can't just spy on people, Logan!" Dominic scolded.
"Why not? The U.S. government does it," Logan pointed out.
"This is not the time for forced political references! This is the time for forced morals and out of touch advice! Listen, Logan. If you really want to know how Holly feels about you, just ask her," Dominic said.
"ASK HER?! Are you mad, man?! I can't just ask her! That's crazy talk!" Logan exclaimed.
"Is it? How so?" Dominic asked.
"Well, because if I ask her, that makes it obvious that I have a crush on her! Because you wouldn't ask someone if they have a crush on you unless you have a crush on them! And under no circumstances can I reveal to her that information!" Logan said.
"And why does it matter if she knows you have a crush on her?" Dominic asked. "God, man. You ask a LOT of stupid questions. I mean, really. I've never met someone who asks so many stupid questions. In fact, you ask SO MUCH stupid questions, you could easily get a job as a Fox News anchor. No, really. You could get it. It'd be good for you. But anyway, back to THE POINT, I just don't think you understand this. Let me lay out a scenario for you. You have a crush on this girl, okay, and you don't know how she feels about you. So you walk up to her, okay?" Logan asked.
"Okay," Dominic nodded.
"Are you imagining the situation?" Logan asked.
"Yes, I am, Logan," Dominic said, a hint of slight irritation in his voice.
"Liar. But anyway, you're walking up to the girl. BUT THEN! You feel something. And no, I'm not talking about THAT, you weirdo. I'm talking about your heart! It suddenly begins to beat!" Logan announced.
"Your heart is ALWAYS beating, Logan," Dominic pointed out.
"Well, it starts beating a lot faster! Okay, so your heart's beating, you begin to sweat. You can feel the anxiety firing up inside of you. It's making you want to turn back. It's making you want to just disappear into nothingness! But no! You ignore the anxiety, you don't listen to it! You go up to the girl! You reveal your true feelings – that you have a crush on her! At this point, you desperately regret your decision. You wish you had never said that. You wish you had listened to your previous worrisome thoughts. The anxiety is overwhelming you. You wait desperately for her answer, hoping, hoping with all your being that she'll say yes!"
"But she doesn't say yes! She says no! She says NO! And there you have it! You knew it! You knew it all along! You knew that this was a bad idea, that she would never feel the same way as you, that you were just wasting your time even trying! All this time, the anxiety has been building up inside of you and her rejection was the tipping point! You feel yourself begin to cry, the tears pouring from your eyes! You try to stop yourself, but you can't! Why not? Because crying is an involuntary reaction! It's basic biology, Dominic! So you cry and cry, right there! In front of your crush! IIN PUBLIC! And she watches you, thinking in her head: 'Oh my god, just look at him. Crying just because I said I didn't have a crush on him. What a total baby. I am never hanging out with him again!' And then your relationship with her is completely ruined! Your chances are splattered! Splattered all over the ground! If you had just shut up and kept quiet, you could've at least stayed being friends! But no! Now it's over! It's all over! IT'S ALL OVER!" the poor lamb shouted, breathing rather heavily, tears in his eyes.
"...L-Logan? Are you okay? It was just a suggestion – you don't have to do it if you don't want," Dominic said.
"I-I'm fine. I just get a bit worked up, t-that's all..." Logan responded, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Um, Logan...it uh, well...it seems like you have a bit of anxiety in you. I wasn't aware," Dominic said.
"Oh, no. I don't have anxiety. I should know – I self diagnosed myself. I am a medical expert, after all," Logan stated.
"Logan, there's no such thing as a five year old medical expert that's also a lamb," Dominic said.
"Touche, Dommy Boy," Logan said.
"Don't call me Dommy Boy," Dominic glared.
"Sorry, Dommy Boy," Logan apologized.
"Logan, this anxiety stuff means to really be getting in the way of your life. Maybe it'd be best if you see a therapist about it," Dominic suggested.
"I see. That's a pretty good idea actually, Dommy Boy. And I know the perfect therapist to go to! He's a psychological expert!" Logan exclaimed.
Cut to a local therapy room.
Logan had been in the room, along with a therapist that strangely had the appearance of a high school student. "Andrew! You've gotta help me! I just don't know what to do! This anxiety is killing me! Well, not literally, of course, since I'm here talking to you, in completely good health. Well, good physical health, that is. I'm not quite so sure about mental. But you know what I mean!" Logan said.
"Hmm, I see. Have you ever tried working at Kohl's?" the therapist suggested.
A Few Months Later
Logan had been walking through the grassy fields with Holly, a large grin on his face. "Hey...um….Holly. I've been keeping this bubbled up for quite some time now...and I've been trying to build up the confidence to tell you. I...I uh…I have a crush on you," Logan admitted, the nervousness rather obvious in his voice.
"Oh, really? Oh, Logan! I feel the exact same way about you!" Holly grinned, hugging the other.
"I've just been too nervous to tell you! I didn't want to think I'm weird or something!" she said. The two lamb then walked off happily, ending this rather weird fable written by a psychotic fifteen year old boy.