Okay, it's kind of official now. I'm lost.

Completely and utterly lost. I have no job, and I can't seem to get out of a limbo I'm constantly stuck in. Each year I seem to lose more and more friends, and it's not getting better. I guess there is a reason for it all, but right now I can't see the light through the trees.

I don't know where I'm going or what I should be doing with my life any more. Every time I fight to get to a goal, it seems something else falls under me and I get further and further away until I can't see that goal any more.

I hoped to move out by now… but I'm still stuck. I'm 32, and I honestly have never felt hopeless.

So… I thought I'd turn to the one medium I can usually rely on to help; writing. And I'm hoping someone out there will be able to help… or even just read this, and recognise me, would be great.

I need help. Either just some support, or suggestions on how to keep my head up and keep moving. Cause I'm struggling to even get out of bed anymore. I do that crying thing a lot more than I used to as well.

The thing that scares me the most is I forget so much lately. Yesterday I was in an interview, and halfway through answering her questions I forgot what she'd even asked about, so I babbled on about nonsense. I am afraid that it's a real problem, and it'll keep getting worse.

One thing that really gets to me… and I haven't really wanted to admit this until now… is that I hate seeing the people I've been with have moved on and somehow now have these fantastic lives. Even used to be friends seem to magically find what they want after I'm gone. And it really pains me… cause all I can wonder is; why can't I have that too? It's just not fair.

So… I am at the point of begging… pleading… for someone to give me something, some reason or some advice that will help. If you can, thank you. If you just even sit down long enough to read through this entire thing… thank you.

Maybe… if I can get some help then I'll be able to start writing amazing stories for you guys again. Which is what I want to do. I have a new story idea as well, but I'm not happy with the first chapter. I promise, it'll be an interesting story. I just want to make it wonderful for you all.

Thank you all, for being with me for so many years. Peace out.