My Grandmother Held My Hand Today

my grandmother held my hand
today.
it was
the first time
in
ten years.
her calloused skin
closed
around mine

and

she
glanced up
at me
with a reassured smile
I was safe.
she was

safe.

a thousand thoughts
rushed
through my head in

quick succession.

it took
my breath

away.

for a
moment
I was a
child
again
walking through
New York City
to see
the play
Beauty and the Beast.
for a
moment
I was that
little girl again
in a time where
everything
moved
so
fast
and
it
didn't
matter
because
I
still
had

time
time
time
time
time

time.

the moment
was broken when
my grandmother
asked

where's Noel?

behind you

I had to remind her
because
my grandmother
who
cut off the
circulation
in my hand when
we crossed the streets
couldn't
doesn't
remember
anymore.
then
my grandmother
dropped my hand
and
switched it for
the steadying hand
of her husband.
just like that
the moment was

over

the memory flew away
like it was never even

there

then I kissed
my grandmother
goodbye
not knowing if when I saw her again
she'd remember
me
and
holding my hand
when we crossed the streets
or
her hand on mine
teaching me to
play the piano
or
if
she would even
be
alive.

my grandmother held my hand
today.
and
for the first time
in a long time
I cried that night.