I hurt everyone. I say mean things that I don't mean.

So stay away. If you come into my life I'll hurt you. I'm dangerous.

The best way to avoid hurting others is to be alone.

This is how I'll stay.


Where I can't hurt anyone.

I mess up everything. So don't come near me.

My mere presence makes even the best things fade. I break everything I touch. Ruin every life I'm a part of.

So stay away before I ruin your life.

This is how I'll stay.


Where I can't mess up everything.

I get hurt by others. I've been used and abandoned.

Told to be amazing and then told later it was a sick trick.

I'm yelled at because I'm not good enough. Am I good enough when I cry at night, regretting my life?

So to protect myself, stay away.

This is how I'll stay.


Where I can't be hurt.

I flunked 6th grade. And I'm barley passing right now in the end of 7th.

I am "supposed" to be smart. I was said to be so intelligent but I'm failing because I'm too "lazy" to do the work.

No one understands me and can believe me when I say, "I'm trying so hard! I just can't focus!"

Because to my family, teachers, friends; everyone. I'm nothing. Nothing but a failure.

This is how I'll stay.


Where I can't be anyone's failure.

I'm told that if it wasn't for me, you could be doing so many things. Mom.

It was your choice to have me, or was I an accident? You say me and my brothers are the reason your still with dad, forced to live with him.

I'm your problem. Not my brothers, not dad, me.

This is how I'll stay.


Where I can't be anyone's problem.

I have barley any friends; they're all online. I went to online school because I was failing regular school.

Straight A's in elementary, but the bullying got too far. Changed my ways for middle school, and all the grades dropped so far.

The kids at elementary school bullied me. I was too serious for them, my friends say stuff and I'd get offended. They'd say it was "just a joke" but are the scars just cuts?

I was afraid of losing the little friends I have. I'm still not getting any. I barley understand society or it's jokes.

I'm not normal, I'm ice cold.

This is how I'll stay.


Where I can be ice cold.

Because the cold is what protects me; saves me from this world.

Since I can't understand it, this default switch is flipped. It's locks down my system.

Saves me from "It".

"It" is pain.

"It" is anger.

"It" is sadness.

"It" is bullies.

"It" is fear.

"It" is disappointment.

"It" is failure.

"It" is me.


This is a short poem I made just to get some angst out. I just feel like I'm just ice cold. Like my body's trained to stop all emotions when I'm hurt emotionally. I've done this ever since 3rd grade. But I was always so different than other kids all my life. I'd be quiet and stoic. I'd never get jokes and never understood playing. I just knew to answer questions and raise my hand, say the answer, and at lunch and recess hide in the bathroom until it was over because I never liked games or the loudness. People always thought I was a stuck up know it all, and when I wouldn't talk they thought I thought I was too good for them, when I really just didn't like socialization. I would stay to myself and read a book.

I was like a machine and I still am. Laughing automatically and responding with "I'm fine". As if I'm programmed to. And I never cry except every once in a while, even if I'm in pain. I just feel cold and empty. I've always been.